Nelson replied with a absent and clearly exhausted grunt. His head slowly sank deeper into my lap, his eyes growing heavier with each slow blink. 

“Yeah, I know buddy. It’s not much like home, but it’ll have to suffice I suppose.” I said, stroking his now matted-looking cappuccino brown coat.

The stone-cold wall and flooring of the humid cavern was not comfortable at all. A faint smell of rain permeated within the cavern, the patter of the water splashing against the trees outside. I gazed out the cavern’s opening and released a long sigh of relief, which seemed to have been held in for too long. Finally, I received the peace and silence I so desperately craved. Just me, my ol’ Mastiff and the microscopic crystals in the sky. I could sense my fatigued lids heaving with every slow bat. It had been a tiresome day, all that eye strain was agonisingly numbing.

But in a matter of minutes, they had given way…

“Wha’ shall we do with the scummy Brit brat?” A uneven voice spat in a loud crescendo. 

“Nelson… do shut up, would you…” I muttered, eyebrows unconsciously knitting together. It only was moments before realising that Nelson was nowhere to be heard or seen. My eyes ripped themselves from morning fatigue and found a crowd of dishevelled ruffians right in front of me. The bastards had tied me against the mainmast of their ship with thick rope. As silly and useless as it felt, I struggled and thrashed helplessly against it’s grip.

“Where were you headed pretty boy? Off to see a Princess? Perhaps a Prince Charming, eh?” The same pirate jeered with a rusted-gold toothy snarl. He snickered and exchanged a chortle and a rough nudge to the shoulder with another scrappy looking fellow. I couldn’t possibly spit and scream in front of them, how awful I would look. All I could muster was a weak look of disapproval, squinting my eyes with a very intimidating look, which was frankly making me feel even more foolish. A few others in the back sniggered. 

Wasn’t my fault my parents raised me to be the physical embodiment of Winnie the Pooh. Damn my stupidly posh upbringing.

“Where’s- Where’s Nelson?” I demanded, mustering as much of my voice as I could. It was still very early, and my voice sounded like a dying frog’s.

“The poor boy’s little puppy! Aw…” another pirate whimpered mockingly. “He’s down there, kiddo.” He pointed to a trapdoor underneath the deck. The centre of my throat hardened, a lump taking its place. Poor Nelson…

“Why have you taken me captive, you lowly animal! How dare you take me, Edward V of-”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…” The pirate cut in, puppeteering his hand chattering airily. “Same ol’, same ol’ bullcrap. Look mate, we haven’t got time for that shit, okay?” 

“Well then, what do you want from me?” I asked, leaning slightly forward, still keeping my hard gaze in his eyes. He smirked cheekily at me before calling out a name. It was so slurred, I couldn’t possibly decipher what he was saying. A hushed silence fell over the crowd, slowly turning their heads around. I craned my neck a little higher with a questioning look. 

A dashing young woman suddenly swung around high above from the ropes of the boat, her movement so gracious and light. I hadn’t ever seen such poise, even from the highest ladies that would insist and persist to woo me with their, now what seems, ameteur dancing skills, back in England. The slender brown figure flew through the air and lightly landed on her feet right in front of me, startling me a little.

She put her hands on her hips and smiled politely. Surely such a beauty couldn’t be a pirate. 

Well, seems I had been mistaken. She unsheathed a dagger and grinned even wider, her nose scrunching up and her thick eyebrows arching upward. Somehow she looked more stunning rather than spiteful.

“Well, well, well,” She chuckled, with a clearly thick English accent. “What do we have ‘ere?”

Her face and rusted blade inched closer toward mine and my throat, a jewel-encrusted nose hoop flashed into my eyes.

“Greetings, dear lady. How do you do?” I said, projecting a more sultry voice. Ladies love that. I attempted to wiggle my hand from the rope and offer a hand, but it was quite difficult when my arms were basically glued to my torso. She scoffed and rolled her eyes. 

“Issa’ prince, innit?” She asked back. The others just laughed in response.

“Listen little boy, you ain’t gonna fool me with your chummy seduction tricks. The game’s over. I’m honestly so fed up with you princes thinking you can go around-”

Her voice melted away, and my eyes focused on the trapdoor. The latch! It had seemed one was careless and irresponsible enough to leave it unlocked. I was starting to wonder if these pirates were qualified. Being careful to be as discreet as possible, as not to alert the absolute madwoman spitting on my face, my eyes flicked around the boat. In some very scratchy white writing, was the words ‘Dreamer’. Eureka! This must have been the boat that they stole from our docklands! I remember taking this boat once. Gosh, what terrible conditions it has endured. All that was left was to mindlessly follow her silly and highly unreasonable misandric monologue.

“Men like you piss me off so much!” She finishes, her chest heavily panting. Wow. I must have missed quite a bit.

“How lovely, madam.” I encouraged with a warm smile and a nod. “Please do go on, but you’ll have to excuse me.” 

Before she or anyone could speak, I let out a piercing whistle and clicked my tongue. Like a prompt thunderstorm, Nelson mightily thundered out from under the deck and began chasing people wildly. He must have been waiting the whole time for me! That clever old mutt. He bounded over delightedly and chewed at the rope, setting me free. I quickly ruffled his head and picked up a loose sword laying on the ground. These pirates were unbelievable!

One by one, each pirate would charge in my direction, but the Super British Bros. defeated them all! Nelson and I were a wonderful team. He yelped enthusiastically, tail wagging like mad, and his long salmon tongue panting. All that was left was the lady pirate. 

“You dirty rascal!” She screeched, charging right for me. 

I scoffed and shared a look with Nelson. 

“Women. Always ready to kill at any point.”

I raised my weapon and thrust it firmly against her chest. It penetrated through, and she let out a sharp yell. 

“SHIT!” she screeched. She hurled aggressive foreign curses at the wound and then at me. She still wasn't finished with me yet. 

“I'm gonna slit your throat and drain the blood out of you. Even if it kills me, which it won't.” She sassed haughtily, clicking her fingers. 

“I don't think so, Annabelle.” I smirked. 

She blinked at me in surprise, taken aback. 

“H-How do you know that?” she whispered, lowering her sword. 

“It's me, Anna, Eddy.”

She dropped her weapon and raised her hand to her mouth, eyes still widened in shock. 

“Anna, please do get off this scurvy-infested wreck. I wouldn't have expected one of my greatest pals to have turned this way.”