chapter seventeen
I walked into my apartment to find things mostly disheveled. Constantine made his way into the room and looked around. "What a mess... oh, server, is that you?!"
"Constantine... I gotta ask... did you consider what I told you a while back?"
"Huh? Oh, I forgot, that was, gosh, chapters and chapters ago. You coulda probably crammed the whole The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe in the space between when you last asked me and now!"
"...huh."
"Like, Tammy, I get it, you've got a picture-perfect memory and also write the darn thing, but some of us were nearly retconed because the author didn't think we were too important!"
"What, no, no, that's not it, I'm sure that he remembered, it's just... it's my story, after all!"
"Ah, so in afterward 2: Constantine: Live and Reloaded, we'll get my side of the st--"
"--jeez, that's a lot of colons—what, wait, did you have much of a story?"
"I mean, sure I did! Here's an except to get the readers excited!"
"Wait, Const--"
It was a dreary night. The man with the briefcase checked his watch, then set the briefcase down to check the train schedule in his pocket. Any minute now. In the distance, the sound of distant bells and the yellowed glow of a train's headlight, the roar of the engine, the rumble of the earth below. The train pulled up to the station. The man had the right train, and whe was sure to have the right man.
A series of Nexum crystals standing at six-foot-six formed into the shape of the most handsome, rugged man imaginable stepped out onto the station platform, its broad shoulders clad in a beige trenchcoat and wide-brimmed fedora taking the assault from the rain. The man handed the briefcase over, and the crystals opened it to reveal its contents. "Five thousand Dosh... you holding out on me?" the suave, dashing Constantine asked of the m
"Okay, enough of that. That was... weird. Gosh, is this what I want to live with?"
"It's what I want to live with!" Constantine replied.
Constantine opened the door, his jutting jaw making an audible gleam noise as he walked into the light of his own home. His wife... uh, shoot... uh, Mel... Melv... no, wait, Mell... Melody! His wife Melody was preparing his favorite dinner when he walked in, and he arrived right on time. "Encrypted data packets, my favorite," he said in his cool one-liner voice, like what would happen if Nic Colicos and Patrick Warburton's voices were mixed together but just the best parts.
"Okay, no, I'm putting a stop to this... I mean, someone is probably twisted enough to write your weird self-insert noir fanfiction, but I don't want to be a part of it."
"Aw, you were going to be the best part!" he replied.
"Ah, so you've finally arrived," said the fiend.
"Show yourself!" Constantine said, his trenchcoat blowing in the wind, his abs shining in the light.
The chair on the pedistal spun around, and inside was the head of the No Fun Allowed Megacorporation, Tammy Wilson. She was a timy gremlin child who didn't like cool guys going on epic adventures, and luckily Constantine knew her weakness. As she climbed out of the chair and approached the amazing ace detective, she procured a stack of books six feet high to look the man dead in the eye. Constantine knew he had his moment, so he sprung his trap and threw down his trusty Instant Lizard Girlfriend gadget, and an inflatable lizard girl sprouted to life on the floor. Tammy, drawn to hugs from lizard girls, immediately became distracted and curled up with the device, and fell asleep.
"I... Constantine, no."
"You mean to tell me you wouldn't read 60,000 words of that?!"
"I don't think anyone wants to write 6,000 words of that. I mean, I guess you found your calling... I guess. I don't know if I agree with it, but... good on ya! I guess."
"I knew you'd be jealous," he replied.
I gave him a look, and asked if he could order me a packet of red food while I tidied up the place. Shim came knocking on the door sometime later, and as I opened the door, she grabbed me and carried me off. "See, I was right, wasn't I?" Constantine said as he closed the door.
Shim carried me off to a salon that she had me booked at, and as she sat me down at a chair, Jev walked up. "You work here?" I replied.
"No, but I cut my own hair, and I figured I'd help you get washed up. You deserve it."
I leaned back in the chair and into the sink, and Jev got to work. Her nails felt nice against my skin and she was really gentle. I must have fallen asleep as in just a line or two she was done, wrapping my hair in a towel. Shim then picked me back up and carried me off to the clothes shop as always, undid the towel, and she sat behind me braiding my hair. I hadn't ever done that before (granted, I've existed like this for maybe two weeks at most), but the care and attention I was receiving was heavenly. Someone knocked on the door, and she headed off real quick, and came back with a packer of red food. "This is for you, Tams," she said quietly.
I finished off the packet and just sat there in bliss, taking in the warmth of the room and how gentle Shim was being with me. When I woke up (oops), she was gently rubbing her nails across my neck and shoulders. I looked over, and she helped me up and brought me to a mirror. I looked absolutely adorable, my hair all done. I caught myself looking into the mirror with blushy cheeks, and Shim then walked me over to a medical building further down a road following a few turns.
As we stepped inside, Memmi approached me. "So... we probably need to talk about Linus."
"I don't know what to tell you, Me--"
"No... I want you to run the afterward. You have the heart for it, Bit and I think."
"Gosh, that's a lot of work, I--"
"Ah, say no more, you want me to run it."
"Um... actually, that wasn't what I--"
"I promise I'll go only slightly mad, and it won't be from power."
"Uh... okay?"
"Sounds like a deal to me, what do the rest of you think?"
There were some scattered sounds of approval. "So then, Tammy, another proposal for you, I thought you might like to see something. I take it your friends have been treating you well?"
"Yes, actually," I half-murmured.
"Well, that was on me, so I would hope they've been treating you very well. Anyways, follow me."
Memmi brought me down a hall into a room, and there lay Calvin Riddick. Me, some long time ago. I gasped slightly. "He's fixed!"
"Yes, it's been a bit of a grueling day, but we've patched this body up for you. So now I have to ask you, Tammy... do you want to continue living with us in the afterward... or Calvin, do you want to head back to your old life on the Pacific Northwest?"
I thought long and hard about this. Memmi was asking a lot of me, and it was tought to give it some thought. I loved the afterward for what it was, I met so many wonderful people and had so many happy days, but on the other hand all my old memories, my old life are in there, and Calvin still had a family to go back to, friends to see again. "I'm going to need a moment, Memmi," I said, and she stepped out of the room.
I looked over at Calvin again. He messed things up, he really messed things up, but underneath was someone who cared, was a good person who had it a little rough. And let's be honest, that was the life I probably need to lead... but I was still so wrapped up in everything here, we made a good first step, and I was a bit sad to just have to leave it all behind. I weighed every pro, every con, considered every little variable, and when I was ready, I called Memmi back into the room. "You've made a decision?" she said.
"Yes. Yes I have," I replied, and I knew I made the best decision I could have.
ns 15.158.61.8da2
