Staying in the house the whole damn day is a surefire way to make yourself depressed so I decided to take a drive to get some coffee and ice cream on my own (even though I'm not supposed to since well, I'm currently unhealthy and it's late! But hey! I can drive again! :D )
While I was driving, streams of thoughts entered my head. Starting with the all too familiar "What am I doing with my life?", "What have I achieved?", "Why am I still here?" to something I haven't really thought of - "If it can happen for others, why can't I?"
Why can't I? Aren't they just humans like myself? Do they have a special nerve in their bodies that I don't have? Or do they have a super brain cell that I lack? If that's not the actual problem, then what is?
I thought about it for a while and the answer became more and more obvious and I know for a fact that I actually know this answer since 2015.
I was the problem... right?
See? I'm not even sure! But I'm pretty sure I am my own problem and the one to blame for being stuck here after what felt like an eternity! Ever since I came back from Korea, I haven't done anything fun! Like seriously! What the fuck? And my life was going nowhere! When I thought I had it all together in 2017, I was down with an illness that almost took my life! My life sucks!
Then again, these are all excuses! Excuses I created in my head. Excuses I use to stay safe. Why am I staying safe? I shouldn't be safe since I wanted to be out there so badly! I should be doing something! But what did I do?
As I was driving, I was aware that I was in the driver's seat, I was in control. But because I did not take full control of the wheel, someone else steered me in the wrong direction and I'm back to square one!
This is why I pray to God that 2018 do not mess up! I need this year to be different, to let something entirely new sweep over me and take me to that place I've always longed for! It could be anywhere, really but right now I'm eyeing Japan. I'm so tired of living in a loop that's neverending. 735Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgb4hBj5Wi
GIVE ME MY BREAK ALREADY!
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