When I was fifteen, I wasn’t your normal, rebellious teenager. I was a rotten, cold hearted human. If I was qualified as one. I am still known to have a controversial character, like I was then. But, now I guess not so much. Doing something good for others did not appeal me even as much as one twentieth part of a poor scruple. But, I did it anyway.
In my tender life of fifteen, I had seen the world in a way very few had. Not in the superhero way. I am neither glad nor proud of it. I was seven when I lost one gift I got on my birthday. It was mine and only mine – I thought. It was one thing I actually cared about back then. Now, one always jumped to conclusions that I was immature – crying over a simple present. I agreed with them that it was simple indeed, but, it was the best gift one could have given. It was not a material object that could have been replaced. Not a filthy toy that would have laid robust and untouched, collecting dust on the shelves over the years. It was my mother. My sweet, caring, emotional and overly melodramatic mother. But, I never mentioned that to anyone.
I carried on my life as an evil person, an individual who had lost her presence of mind and soul. The only appreciable deed done by her were simple acts of mercy and kindness, My mother taught me that that even in distress I should help someone in need. “Maybe their relief might bring you the calm you need.” She used to say.
I fought hard in the bivouac of life – I believe I did. There were times I had sleepless nights. Times where had inflicted self harm, where I had faced failed attempts to end my life. But, today I realize I am not dead. The Guy above all of us never wanted me up there so soon. I now understand how important it is to live the life to the fullest as if there is no tomorrow. Rightly said – YOLO – you live only once. If I hadn’t rebuilt the faith in myself, I wouldn’t be the award winning artist I am today. The paints and colors gave me relief. I helped myself. I felt the calm. Maybe it was the calm before the storm. But, now I was ready to face it. I twist-quote Jennifer Niven – ‘We are all the colors in one, at full brightness.’
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