There are things in life that words can’t explain, actions that can’t be excused, and feelings that make no sense. The things you have witnessed as a kid, knowing the hurt certain things bring, the pain you never want to feel, trauma to the child’s eye forever stuck in your mind. You start to think that if you live a certain way you can do no wrong, that if you go by certain rules you won’t get hurt. Then you break them and the thing that caused you to break them break you, and you’re left in a ditch not knowing what to say or do.
I broke the rules once, and in the end it brought me pain and suffering. All for a hit of feeling, a glass of emotion, an injection of this fake thing called love. Though I don’t think I could even call it that, it was more like an illusion. A delusional lie that caused me to believe in the one thing I hated most in life, the one drug that couldn’t make me falter. I was never affected by it, though this drug was known to influence all, I could never seem to be addicted to it like everyone else could. I would dream of the feeling I would have if I were to take the drug, always on cloud nine, a smile on my face, the warm feeling in my chest. Those were the closest thing to being on a love high, and I was happy with that. Sure I would look for things similar to love, but that was only because I was afraid to take it. I knew what it does to people, what it makes people do, how vulnerable they became and how broken they were after the trip. They would always go back for more because it was the one thing that was more addicting than coke, molly, alcohol, heroine. Love was the number one drug that gave you the time of your life, but then trash it in a second.
I never once thought about taking the drug, until I found someone different. He took my hand and gave me a warm smile, put a small bag in my hand and sweetly said…“The first one’s on me.” Then he had just walked away. I knew the consequences, I saw the signs to stay away, to run for my life. There was something about him that convinced me to take it, he made it seem so harmless, he made it seem, safe. I slowly opened the bag and popped the pill into my mouth, and boy when I say this I mean it. The feeling was electric, taking that drug was a thrill, though I knew even before I took it that in the end I was going to hurt. But I didn’t care, I just wanted more.
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