FOUR
()()()
A door slammed and then Arista was standing there, with sloppy, fresh makeup and big puffy eyes. She looked like she was trying to pretend that she hadn’t just been crying, and that her makeup was doing an excellent job of hiding it.
“It’s two-thirty,” she said. “My girlfriend’s waiting in the parking lot for me. I’m sorry, but I just can’t… I’m sorry. It’s my fault. And by the way, I wasn’t named after Ariel’s sister. Arista was my mom’s name.” She held out her hand. “Nice to meet you, Candy.”
Candy shook her hand. Her pink nails poked Candy’s fingers, and it was strange to hold her hand.
Arista smiled, then swept past her, high heels clicking, and out the door.
()()()
And the air and the rain and the sky swept past, barely ruffling Blue’s leaves. Candy clung to Her, gasping, but all the air had been sucked into the earth and she could hardly breathe.
Her tears and her shoes and her breath had gone with the wind. She could see it now, destroying everything it touched. Candy found her breath, and used it to scream. This was wild, and crazy, and she was scared, and clinging to the side of a tree in the middle of a earthquake and the ground was breaking open all around her and she should be dead. Everything was falling apart except for these branches.
And she never thought once of Jordan, or Poppy, or GG, or Sam or even her father. All she thought of was Candy and Candy was selfish and stupid and she wasted her wish.
“Thank you,” she said to Blue. God, what a stupid little girl. What a stupid little girl. I hate her. I hate her.
No problem, said Blue, who didn’t know them. If she had, then she would have said something. She would have reminded that stupid little girl. What is wrong with you? she would have said. You have one more wish! One more wish for your sisters and your Grandfather and your friends!
But Candy forgot. She forgot. She left them all alone in her stupid, useless little mind. All she thought about was poor Candy, with the dirt in her fingernails and the scratches on her legs and the braid that she had left on the table because Sam told her to.
()()()
Caroline felt her cheeks. She had been crying, of course. Staring at the door and crying.
The phone rang again. It was Princess.
“Are you sure?” she asked. “We won’t go without you.”
We’re not leaving without you, she said.
“Davey!” she said. “We’re not leaving without you. Come with us!”
Summer, he said. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Never, ever.
But they did.
They left without him.
Everyone did.
Caroline still had the little paper. Her phone number. She had looked online for hours and hours, searching for her, for any of them. And she found Vicky’s phone number, but she had never called.
What was wrong with her? Shouldn’t she want to talk to her? Vicky would be happy, surely, but… there was something sad, something about remembering that she didn’t like. And besides, Vicky was probably busy. She probably didn’t want to talk to the sister of the boy she’d known ten years ago, she probably had others things to do and didn’t want to think about him anymore. Maybe she wouldn’t be happy, after all, maybe she would be angry and hang up the phone.
“Candy… please. We can’t go without you. They’re going to…. to build there, so they have to tear everything down. Please, it’s your last chance.”
“No. I can’t.”
“Ok, well, if you change your mind, just call me. If we leave soon we should get there in time, all right? Just think about it.”
“I will,” she said, lying.
Then she went opened the big door and went back inside. Everyone was gone. She grabbed her little bag of makeup and hairbrushes and nearly threw it against the wall when she remembered what an idiot she’d been. Her hands were shaking. It was hard to think.
She paced around the room.
She punched chairs, pillows. She kicked them across the room.
She screamed, but that didn’t help.
Some poor person walked past the door and stared as she kicked a music stand. “You all right?” he asked, dumbfounded. For some reason, his shiny, bald head made her angrier, and she wanted to strangle him with his tie. So she grabbed her makeup bag and swept past him, before she started screaming at his stupid, ugly face.
It was raining. Of course. Always raining. As if the clouds waited for people to be angry before they started pouring. Maybe they laughed about it, too.
()()()
Elephant trotted across the hallway to meet her. He was getting very fat; he looked like a misshapen sausage. But he still oinked happily when she kissed his fat forehead, and he even wagged his little tail a bit. Then he lay down again and went back to sleep.
He was blind in one eye, and completely deaf. He limped sometimes, too. But she still loved him, occasionally, so she let him sleep on her couch all day and fed him carrots. For Halloween she had even dressed him up as a pumpkin and taken him trick-or-treating.
She took off her shoes and left the on the floor. Was it just this morning that she had been obsessing over shoes? She had been so worried that they were judging her for her sandals, but there were plenty of other things that they could judge her for.
She was mean.
And rude.
And crazy.
Still, after all these years.
Because she still saw the butterflies. They fluttered through her nightmares and through her daydreams, and sometimes she even saw them in the windows or saw orange wings where there were supposed to be falling leaves.
Had the earthquake shaken her insane?
It seemed more logical than anything else, because there simply couldn’t be any butterflies, following her across the world. Everywhere she went, there they were, fluttering along with her, in the corner of her eye.
Oh well.
Caroline sat on the couch. She clapped her hands. She sang a bit. She opened the curtains, but closed them again. She tried to sleep. She watched the clock.
She looked at the phone number again. It was such a creased and ruined piece of paper. She shoved it back into her pocket.
Caroline grabbed Elephant’s leash. “Come on,” she said. “We’re going for a walk.”
()()()
“Hello,” he said. “I like your…. Pig.” he laughed, softly. “My name’s Sam.”
“Sam?” she asked, staring at him and blinking too much.
“No!” he said. “Dan. My name’s Dan.”
Oh.
He had obviously picked this spot because it would be the most romantic. They were standing on the edge of a bridge, looking at the water. It was beautiful, yes.
She had seen him yesterday. He had been carrying a suitcase, and had stood, staring at her, for a few moments before hurrying on his way.
“Why did you look at me yesterday?” she decided to ask.
He fiddled with his tie, looking at the iron railing instead of her, or the water. “You remind me of someone I knew. What did you say your name was?”
“Caroline.”
“Ah. Well. I… I should go, Caroline. Goodbye,” and he disappeared into the crowd.
Perhaps he hadn’t been trying to be romantic, after all.
Strange walk. Caroline patted Elephant on the head and fed him a carrot out of her purse.
They walked past the museum, the little statue in the park, the fountains in the library. Why did everything remind her? Why did she still see the butterflies?
Should she go back?
Candy paused in the middle of the street and imagined herself back. But it was all foggy in her mind, ruined by ten years of forgetting. She couldn’t see their faces anymore, or hear their laughter ringing in her ears.
She turned around and went back home.
()()()
Dan, not Sam, was there tomorrow, too. As she walked to the studio she saw him, talking to a girl on a street corner. Was he looking again? For that girl he knew? She whispered, “Good luck,” and walked right past.
She took a deep breath before opening the big, heavy door. Arista was there, again, this time with her hair in braided curls on each side of her head. Her lipstick was the same color as her skin. Her nails were the same.
A girl was sitting next to Julie. She had big green, angry eyes and fake blonde hair. Her nose was too small for her face, but besides that, she looked fine. This was probably Arista’s girlfriend. Caroline smiled at her.
“Cookie?” Arista asked. “Lauren made them.”
They hit their cookies together as if they were making a toast. “A sign of… well, something,” Arista said, as a speech. They were still warm.
Lauren smiled, slightly.
“I’m sorry,” Caroline murmured, close to Arista so that no one could hear.
“Oh, I forgive you,” Arista said, loudly. “Thanks for apologizing.”
Caroline refused to believe that Arista had no idea why she had whispered. But it wasn’t exactly something she could be angry about. “Sure,” she said. “Whatever... “
All at once she was distracted. There was a bright orange butterfly perched on one of Arista’s braids, waving thin antennae at her. Caroline felt herself begin to smile.
“Well, should we begin? Hello, by the way,” Caroline said to Lauren. “Hello,” Lauren said. She had a sweet voice. It didn’t match her face. She was wearing battered sneakers, which made Caroline feel better. Hopefully they weren’t some sort of vintage style choice.
Julie scratched on her notebook. She had a little plastic container of cereal next to her, and a glass of lemonade. She gave a thumbs up without looking up from her paper.
James and Jim nodded in eerie unison. Caroline winked at them, again.
The butterfly landed on her foot. It tickled.
()()()
Sam...
()()()
Caroline took a deep breath, and a swallow of water. Sam. Start again.
()()()
Sam looked up when she opened the door. The surprise was plain on his face. He had such an obvious face. An honest face, even when it didn’t want to be. A crooked face.
“Hi?” he said, or maybe asked. “Mother!” he called. “Customer!”
“Oh no,” Candy started. “I’m not… she told me to, I mean, I decided to come here because it’s raining and… I can’t get home in time.”
“Tell ‘em we’re closed!” Mrs. Apple shouted back.
“We’re closed,” he said, smiling his crooked smile. “She’s still here, mother!” he nearly screamed.
Mrs. Apple muttered something under her breath and marched into view. She was fatter than Candy remembered, and she had taken off her pink hat. She pushed Sam out of the way and said, “Yes? Hello? Why are you here?”
For some reason, Candy forgot what she was going to say. “Um…” was all she could manage, and even that came out as a squeak.
She was only a few inches taller than Candy, but for some reason it seemed like she towered over her. She grunted and pointed to the door. “We’re closed. Closed? It means we’re not selling anything. Oh god. She’s one of those stupid kids, isn’t she?” She whispered, loudly, in Sam’s ear.
He flinched away, looking awkwardly at Candy. “No… mom…” he tried, but seemed to give up before he even began to reason with her. She didn’t seem like she liked to listen.
Candy took a deep breath. “It was raining, and I fell down and it’s a long way home and I can’t, well, I can’t walk very well,” she gestured at her crutch.
“Oh. Of course. Poor… thing. Well, you can stay here, of course. During the storm. You can help Sam sort books, if you like. He’s not too good with words.”
“Mom!” Sam groaned.
Mrs. Apple snorted and disappeared into the other room, again.
“Come on,” Sam said. He held out his hand for Candy to take, and he smiled again. She grabbed his hand, too quickly, but he didn’t seem to notice. He led to a huge pile of books in the back of the store, and they began to sort them by genre and in alphabetical order.
“Sorry about her,” he said. “She’s awful, I know. You’re not stupid, by the way. Everything she says is a lie.”
“I’m sorry you have to live with her.” Candy couldn’t imagine how awful that would be. Sure, Jordan could be mean sometimes, but she was nothing like this. And Sam didn’t even have a big brother to help him.
They talked away the hours, and it didn’t feel like waiting at all. Sam asked about her family and her leg and did she go to school? No, it was too far, Jordan taught her. Is it boring, living here with your mom? Oh yes, more boring than you would believe. Do you like apples? Yes, yes I do.
The rain was just a drizzle now, but Sam didn't ask her to leave. He took her hand, again, and led her upstairs. He gave her an apple from the kitchen. She stuffed it into her pocket, and then they went up to his room.
()()()
Lauren laughed, and whispered something to Julie.
Caroline rolled her eyes.
Arista made a sneaky little heart with her hands.
“Question?” Caroline asked.
“Nope,” Arista said, smirking.
()()()
Sam’s room was small, and boring, except for a shelf that had fallen, and a vase of flowers which seemed to have exploded all over the floor.
“Stupid cat,” Sam muttered. “She loves those flowers.” He picked them up, carefully, and laid them gently on the broken shelf.
“Pretty,” Candy whispered, her voice hoarse.
“Yeah,” Sam said. He looked up, and seemed to notice her again. “Want one?” He asked, and he broke the stem off of a purple one and tucked it the flower into her braid. “Pretty,” he said, smiling at her.
Candy felt her heart drop to her feet. She touched the flower in her hair. “Th… Thank you,” she said. She took a flower too, an orange one, and smiled as she put it behind his ear. It was all she could think of to do, because words wouldn’t come.
That escalated quickly.
She was staring at his eyes, and she couldn’t stop. They were bright, and bold, and shimmering with some sort of fever. He didn’t know what he was doing either. It was a blur to him, too.
He smiled that crooked smile and kissed her.
()()()
Arista squealed. Julie took a bite of popcorn. Where had she gotten popcorn?
()()()
Candy’s heart was in her feet already, and now it flew up into her throat. She couldn’t breathe. He was looking at her now, grinning, his eyes even brighter. “I don’t even know you,” he said, laughing, and kissed her again.
Candy didn’t know what she felt. She didn’t know if she was kissing back, if she had been trying to say something, if she had closed her eyes. But whatever it was, she stopped.
Mrs. Apple burst in the door, exploding with bags of flour and messy hair and red all over her face. Sam jerked away from Candy. The laughter died in his throat. She grabbed Sam by the hair and he yelped. His eyes were different now, as if he could not quite believe what had happened.
“Out,” she hissed to Candy. “Get out of my house.” She pointed to the stairs. Her eyes were big and blazing. Her face was red as a tomato, and she was holding a big fat bag of flour, perfect for throwing at little girls.
Candy looked wildly at Sam, trying to signal with her eyes but not sure what she was trying to say. He smiled at her, but his smile was small. The flower fell from his ear and onto the floor. It looked sad, and dead.
Candy hobbled down the stairs...
And looked out the window. And saw, far, far away… that tree. That huge tree, taller than all the rest, and surrounded by butterflies.
But one blink, and it was gone.
Everyone had left her, and she wanted to cry. Her brother, his friends, Sam, and now even her crazy fantasies were gone.
She walked slowly down the street. Crazy Samantha giggled at her, and Hunchbacked Paul waved. There was a new sign on Uriah’s door. Closed permanently, it said. Short and to the point.
Five minutes ago she had been kissing someone for the first beautiful time in her life, and now she was all alone. Tears boiled behind her eyes. She let them fall. It felt good to cry.
She hobbled slowly down the road, all alone. Her footsteps were quiet but they sounded so loud. The sun beat down on her face.
Mr. Lonely Sun.
The endless road snaked on before her. How had it seemed so short last time?
She could see the house then, around the corner, just beyond the trees. It was small, and that shutter was still broken, and those bits of paint were peeling, and that tire swing was still sad and ruined. She stood just behind the trees and looked at it. Everything happy was in there, but she didn’t want to go in.
And then she hobbled up to the front door, with its red, peeling paint, and knocked.
Princess answered the door.
Her face lit up, and she screamed something accidentally in Chinese, then repeated it in English. “Candy’s here!” she screamed.
She swept Candy up in an embrace. “Oh, I am so happy to see you!” she cried. “You don’t know how worried your poor sister was.”
Oops.
Jordan came running. She grabbed Candy’s hand and pulled her inside.
“Where have you been?” she asked. “I was so worried about you? You could have gotten lost. Candy! It was raining! You could have… you could have died. I told you to come back with Davey! Why didn’t you come back with him? WHY? You nearly gave me a heart attack…
Where did you get that flower from?” she pulled the flower out of Candy’s hair.
Candy started to cry.
She pushed through Princess and Jordan, found Davey, and hugged him tight. He kissed her on the forehead, but that only made her cry harder. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
But how could she tell him, when she didn’t know either?
“Give me the flower,” she said, loudly, to Jordan, with her face still pressed to Davey’s chest. “Please. I need the flower.”
Jordan handed it wordlessly to Davey. He tucked it behind her ear. That made her smile, even though tears were still streaming down her face. She wiped them on her sleeve.
“Thanks,” she whispered.
She looked around. Princess was smiling down at her, and Peter was behind her. Jordan had an absurdly worried look on her face, and was biting a fingernail. GG was standing in the hallway, drinking out of a fat mug. Little baby Poppy was sucking on her thumb and playing with the pig.
She wasn’t alone anymore. She wasn’t alone anymore. She still felt lonely, but it was better now. So she plastered a smile onto her face, wiped the tears, and said, “I think I’m better now. I was just scared. Of the storm. But I’m better now. Can I go up to my room?”
“Of course, darling,” Jordan said, one finger bleeding slightly.
Candy ran up to her room with Elephant trotting behind her.
She could taste the metal in the air.
So she found a bag.
She folded her favorite dress. She grabbed several handfuls of socks. Her little hair brush and some carrots for Elephant. A book. A pencil from Davey’s room. The apple from Sam, still in her pocket. A matchbox, with six matches left. A bit of string.
She put everything into the bag.
Not that she would need it. Just in case.
She didn’t know what she would use it for, but it made her feel better.
()()()
ns 18.68.41.179da2
