Chapter 5
Six days before I was scheduled to perform in the music show, Cameron arrived on the island. Sunny brought him to my house so we could talk to him about our secret trip. Sunny insisted that he should come with us since he was only going to be here for a week, and she would lose all of her time visiting him if she was in Florida with me and he was here. She refused to stay home with Cameron because she was distraught at the idea of missing my first public performance.
Sunny and Cameron stood in the doorway uncomfortably. There was nowhere else for them in the pigsty of my bedroom. Suddenly Sunny was laughing and I waited for her to stop. “What?” I asked.
“You’re so short,” she laughed. It was true. Standing next to Cameron, I was only as tall as his nose.
“Hey, Cameron’s just tall, okay?” I said defensively.
“I’m only 5’11,” Cameron replied. He looked down at me. “I think you’re shorter than you were the last time I saw you.”
Sunny took a seat at my desk and laid her eyes on the opened notebook on top of it. “Did you write a new song?”
I grabbed the notebook quickly and closed it. “Yeah, but it’s not done yet.”
“Sing it,” she pleaded.
I glanced at Cameron and said, “You know I don’t like to sing in front of anyone.”
Sunny looked at me. “You’re going to be singing in front a crowd of thousands of people in six days. Singing in front of two today should be nothing.”
She was right. If I was even going to be able to get on the stage next week, I needed to get over this stage fright soon. I don’t even think it was stage fright, really. I guess I was just too embarrassed that people could actually hear music coming from me. Music was the one thing I could pour my entire being out into, even if I was playing a song that wasn’t even mine. Each song I played had a piece of me left behind in it after I played it. I wasn’t the kind of person who could comfortably show my emotions. I liked to play it all off with a joke or some sarcasm. Is that stage fright?
“All right,” I said. “I guess I do need the practice.” For this song, I used my black electric guitar. The slow tempo and painful lyrics filled the room and Sunny watched me intently as I sang.
It's the dead of winter.
The snow is falling.
You're stuck inside
With nothing to do once again.
You look out the window,
See the snow-covered driveway
And you find yourself wishing
It was already spring.
The sun is setting on another day
And there's a voice in your head.
You hear it asking,
Are you happy?
As the music faded into silence, Sunny was still looking intently at me. Sometimes I felt like she could tell what I was thinking just by looking at me. Or maybe it was the lyrics. She didn’t say anything in front of Cameron and I silently thanked her for that, but I knew she realized the lyrics weren’t just a random story. She knew they were the thoughts I held deep down. “That song is beautiful,” she said. “I hope you’ll sing that one at the show.”
A loud knock came from behind the bedroom door. “Cameron? Are you in there?” I recognized Dylan’s voice and Sunny opened the door to let him in. “Fate’s grandma let me in. She’s wearing an orange apron. I don’t know why.” He held a fistful of dandelions out to Sunny. “I picked these for you. Sorry they aren’t roses, but I couldn’t find any.” She took the dandelions and Dylan sat down beside me on the bed. “Your grandma’s hair is grayer than before. Is she getting older?”
“Actually,” I replied. “She’s not my grandma. She’s my grandma’s sister. My great aunt. But yes, she is getting older.”
“Dylan, how did you get here?” Cameron asked.
“Well,” he began as he folded his hands over his lap and looked up thoughtfully. “I was playing in the front yard when I saw a spider on the road and followed it down the road until it went into the grass and I couldn’t find it. Then a bird was in a tree but it flew away and I followed it until it flew too fast and I couldn’t catch up. Then I saw a house with a yellow door and I wanted to see if the other houses had yellow doors too, so I kept walking. Then I saw this house and I knew that it was my best friend’s house so I knocked on the door. Then the old lady with the orange apron opened the door and she let me in and I knew which room was Fate’s because he has a picture of animals eating each other on the door.”
In four days, Destiny, Cameron, Sunny, and I were going to be on the road to Orlando. We planned to tell Sandra that we were going to the mall, and then we just wouldn’t come back. And by the time she realized we hadn’t come back, we’d be too far away for her to do anything about it. It might just be a stupid enough plan to work.
Meanwhile, I desperately needed to practice performing for a crowd. As much as I hated the idea of an audience witnessing my pathetic heart pouring out of me, if I was going to ever get over this fear, a child’s birthday party was a pretty good place to start. Dylan was having his seventh birthday and Sunny begged her mother to let me sing. It was a pretty big party for a seven year-old. There was a magic show and all the little kids played games in the backyard. Even the parents stayed to have their own party on the other half of the lawn. I was pretty sure Katrina and Robert were throwing a party for their friends more than for Dylan’s friends.
I parked my truck in the Handlers’ driveway. Balloons were tied everywhere. Did I ever mention I hate balloons?
Sunny met me at my truck. “Are you ready?” she asked excitedly.
“I guess it’s now or never,” I said meekly.
She led me to the backyard where Katrina was with all the parents sitting around folding tables drinking fancy drinks while their children ran wild through mud puddles. “Is it okay if Fate sings now?” Sunny asked her mom.
Katrina stood up from her seat and said, “Sure.” She walked to the back porch and clapped her hands to get everyone’s attention. “Hello, everyone. Thank you all for coming today. Fate here is my daughter’s friend and he’s a singer. He has decided that he wanted to finally perform for us. So come here, kids.” She gestured to all the kids, who gathered around the porch and sat down in the dirt. Katrina looked back to me. “Thank you, Fate. Go ahead.”
I took a breath and sat down on the top step of the porch, my acoustic guitar on my lap. With one look out into the lawn, my heart thudded in my chest. Sunny was standing at the bottom of the steps, smiling up at me. I looked at her and I knew she could tell how nervous I was. Next thing I knew, she was sitting beside me, whispering, “Pretend you’re playing just for me.”
I took another deep breath and strummed the first chord, looking only at Sunny. I focused on her as I ran my fingers across the strings and finally got the nerve to sing. My voice was quiet, and shaky and I looked past Sunny to the thirty people watching me. Sunny whispered, “Sing louder, like I’m the only one here.”
So I did.
I sang like Sunny was the only one there. She was my confidence.
The chords filled the air and everything was going great. And then I saw the clown.
I dropped my guitar onto the steps as I jumped up. Everyone turned around to see what I was freaking out about. The clown looked in my direction as my guitar clattered on the wood. His eyes met with mine. And he smiled at me. That’s when I officially freaked out.
I ran to the other end of the porch, trying to get as far away from the clown as possible. Robert was standing at a table filled with food, filling up a paper plate. “There’s a clown!”
“I know,” he said carelessly as he continued filling his plate.
I turned to make sure the clown was still a safe distance away. I felt my heart skip a beat when I couldn’t find him. I heard a sudden honking sound and I spun around to see the clown at the bottom of the stairs. He grinned at me as he honked the horn in his hand again. I was trapped! No way was I going to walk past a clown to get off the porch. My only other chance of escape was to get inside the house. I ran to the front door. I was about to pull the door open when I heard Robert say, “Don’t go inside.”
“But…clown!”
“So?” he asked. He took his plate and walked down the steps—and I swear I saw him chuckle.
Sunny had been sitting in her spot on the steps this whole time. She finally met me by the front door. “Fate, everyone’s staring at you.”
It was true. All the parents who had been listening to me sing were now giggling to each other.
But so was the clown.
I jumped over the porch railing and landed in the grass below. I looked behind me as I took off running. The clown waved. I ran all the way home and didn’t look back again. 573Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFQQJzueiP
