You never notice how many nights are actually pitch black until you’re praying for them. Then the darkness you once feared would swallow you is scant and fleeting. I ran in the dark and stumbled and fell towards the grocer’s where I grabbed an armful of tinned food before running back home, all the time waiting for the moon to come out from wherever it was hiding and kill me. I cannot smoke. I cannot cook. It is summer now, in winter there will be no fires.
Yesterday, I decided to commit suicide. I would wait until morning, this morning, and step outside. See and feel the sun again one last time. I told myself it wouldn’t be giving up but from somewhere deep inside me, somewhere those monsters will never be able to get to no matter what they do to me, my wife told me different. Like I said, she was always brave.
So, I’m going to try to be brave like her. I’m waiting for the next moonless night. I am going to leave this house and run and roar at the top of my lungs ‘I AM A HUMAN BEING. IS THERE ANYONE THERE? IT’S DARK, IT’S SAFE, RECEIVE ME’. I am going to keep running and keep screaming. I am not coming back here. If nobody answers I will keep running until I find some temporary sanctuary or until the daylight finds me.
But if someone does answer?
I’ll stay with them until the next moonless night and then together we will run and roar ‘WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS. IS THERE ANYONE THERE? IT’S DARK, IT’S SAFE, RECEIVE US’. We will not turn back. And when there are three of us we’ll run for a fourth, four to five, five for six because I’ve decided I’d rather live as a monster in the dark than not live at all. If we have to be the things that go bump in their night then so be it.
I did not walk outside this morning because I have chosen to survive. I did not walk outside because there is a question gnawing at me.
Where do they hide when it’s dark?
THE STORY CONTINUES IN...
DARKER PART 2
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