From a Buddhist point of view, anger is like carrying the rubbish hoping the target of your hatred would die of bad smell: it does only harm to oneself. For a long time, I see the rationality of this insight: Not only is anger negative, but it is unnecessary and we should get rid of it as much as possible. The famous "Five Stages of Grief" is more accepting of anger: It is a common stage to go through, and it's okay to be angry. Still, it is a negative stage to be overcome, a symptom to be eradicated. Society nowadays generally views anger as a bad thing (apart from the righteous one, which I may talk about in the future). Meditation, mindfulness, exercise are presented as ameliorations of anger or channelling anger in acceptable ways.
I was talking to my family how I hated working at the bank. They were trying to calm me down, of course, telling me that the sheltered Walker was in need of some roughening up and all would be better when I overcome my emotion. It was patronising, true, and it was true. But that was not the point, I told them. I don't want to be better. 301Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPCEdFi1Nc
I want to be angry.301Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAZ1rEnIeY
I want to hate on the company, its unreasonable demands on a part-time worker, the nature of the job, what the company represents. My petty self wants to trash the company to all my friends, warning them not to use its service. I want to stand in front of the branch with a loudspeaker cheerfully yelling customers off. All my inane revenge fantasies are going nowhere. I'm loving it.
The petty queen extraordinaire Cersei Lannister let her anger age like a fine wine: "I lie in bed and I stare at the canopy and imagine ways of killing my enemies." The real-life petty queen extraordinaire Taylor Swift said: "You know, people go on and on about, like, you have to forgive and forget to move past something. No, you don't. You don't have to forgive and you don't have to forget to move on. You can move on without any of those things happening. You just become indifferent, and then you move on." While I'm not yet indifferent, I know, deep down, that I will probably never forgive and forget the bank that I work in. Objectively, it's not that bad of a workplace, but I'm petty AF.
Pettiness means over-reacting and disproportionate attributions. If I remember the time you stepped on my foot 13 years ago and planning to put hair removal cream the next time we travel together, it is petty. If I shade on my ex in a song that millions of fans will listen to, it's petty too. I've long drawn to acts of pettiness, even though I will never act on it. Just remembering, holding a silent grudge in a tiny corner of your heart, is a kind of pettiness too, a pettiness that I enjoy.301Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5Yh3f9JmL
The question that I'm interested in: "Is there a right to anger?" I clarify that it is not the righteous kind (moral anger for example), it is the personal kind. It's obvious that we are entitled to feel what we feel and express it without harming anybody. The real question is, do we have the right to hold onto anger, if we have a choice? (ruling out people reacting to shock events) The simple answer of "yes because we can do whatever fuck we want" is shallow and egotistical: It is not true most of the time. Does the target deserve my anger? Is anger a virtue? Does anger ever do anything good in its pure form? Righteous anger aside, it's easy to think that our target deserves our anger: He's stupid! He's cheated on me! I'll present you a twist. Almost everyone deserves justice, but almost no one deserves anger. If he's annoying, tell him that he is and stop being his friend, but does he deserve your anger? Cheating is bad. Betrayal of trust is bad. But does he deserve your anger? Again, it's natural to feel angry. I'm almost always advocating legitimizing immediate reactions. But ultimately, it is up to us.301Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWC43YFWOo5
Anger is a choice. After a while, it is the wrong choice.
Wallowing in anger feels good. It is validating that you're right and your target is wrong. It is a desire to hurt your target. It may not lead to anything, but damn if I say it does not feel good. This sort of feeling good is hollow. It needs either to more anger and hurt, or nothing if it is not acted on. Anger is our hands keeping our wounds opened, stopping them from healing. Anger is running from what we really need: a moratorium, a restoration, and ultimately, forgiveness.
I understand now that, yes, no one can really stop me from having feelings. I was angry. I am still angry. I can hold onto that. But I won't fool myself that it is not my choice. And it is a choice that both of us don't deserve.
ns 15.158.61.51da2
