《赤足的庭院》（2）67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUchPDvM9Tp
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我對故鄉的印象僅僅是印象。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ05WEyHHhKt
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkghZaVMVL7
因為那裡的事物並不是被人實務性的記憶下來，而是作為更不完全的東西，留在心底的某些角落。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rAzWKco2g
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7I8xB0p6rV
我記得潮水的味道和海浪等聲音，沙子的觸感，樹梢下刮起的微風，夜晚時絕對黑暗的地面，和成為那個時間裡唯一存在事物的星和月。魚腥味、油輪的廢氣、風雨來的時候，所感到的恐懼。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpJF0HRP9M
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoW0fHujUyE
我的故鄉作為一個印象，我記錄在腦中，知道自己總有一天會以某個型式的遠離它。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlqCPk0dkny
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但那不是指現在。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaG9HG8J51
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJX59Ldwl8B
就算獨自一人逃到台北，看過了城市鮮豔的夜色，耳裡塞滿城市的吐和吸，我還是知道，自己並沒有真正的遠離故鄉。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomwVPuSZfB
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCQ6ckwU7y
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgc6owYAEn
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTz3yuxahF
「嗯⋯⋯可以問你的名字嗎？」小舫姐說她昨晚沒能睡著。在平常的那張餐桌上，她癱軟的用雙手撐著臉。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuS4QE8n7z
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoL2oRqsDt9
我一邊解釋著自己的事，一邊看著她疲累的試著聽進我所說的。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡarZkuTtW2q
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNa6qaODzy
看她渴望睡眠的樣子，我感到有些內疚。她睡不好大概就是因為我。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39Wzsou1qu
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxuPaexwPJf
昨晚，小舫姐讓我暫時待在她家借住一晚。公寓的房間很小，只有一張床鋪。我原本堅持要睡地板，不過被她拒絕了：「落到這副德性的人少跟我客氣。」。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xRGSQvysz
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlELeVHHhEc
多了一個人在床上，一定很不習慣。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhbPuMSMZn
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEcUviKWqw
但是昨晚，還好我實在是筋疲力盡，不然大概會整夜無法入睡。年紀的問題。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx19XRYAutI
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBGbg9hON1
「李靜。」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ05U5IKOuaM
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qFEuAIKFn
「噢，好娘。李靖或是李欽不是更適合男孩子嗎？」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoY3jFVY15
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtl4hADomoS
「⋯⋯」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLSQIwAV07L
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEf0VpJPzhX
「不過還好。要是是李靖或是李欽的話，昨天晚上我大概就危險嘍。」我說。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAeRBtqdeeA
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrUTYuItX3
「哈⋯⋯」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rOjNM1mpV
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr92RVl1xqa
當然，昨晚的我本來就沒有對他抱著任何期待。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmACTrBXPm
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TwwYfoIel
只是回想起來，那確實是很荒謬的決定。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5R9Vm3M9F
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnmA6LPgY46
「一個23歲的女人，讓16的陌生少年上了自己的床鋪。」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYDhC8hrTv
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVo902crBtT
寫成文字或是作為台詞被唸出來，大概都不會影響它的離譜。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JOPqmlWaq
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR44mlbMgk1
「那麼，李靜。你打算就這麼住下來嗎？」她問，十分嚴肅的。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefrJyUSmWV
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgMmUSIDO8
我搖搖頭。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAjIfEXA4O8
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6VJY9qq9E2
「靠著你偷出來的錢，青年旅館還能住多久呢？要是在那之前，你依然不想回到自己的故鄉，你打算怎麼辦？」還不想，的話。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDvdI1C6S2
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzYXsvgRkW
面前的少年低著頭，一語不發。我大概知道他在思考著什麼。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDE3EWCsTt
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBApesxvBu5
「我遲早會遠離我的故鄉⋯⋯」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjF6aPDe40
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhco0UL6ui7
「但不是由這個方式。對吧？」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnuEu4RD49
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoW9phnCZ6n
「是的，所以⋯⋯」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKA2BXyjN7
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsYu450TT8
「怎麼辦呢？」這次不是為了捉弄人，她露出溫柔的微笑。「在錢花完之前，你得思考噢。來到這個混亂的場所，你能得到什麼？或是追求什麼。」她說。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIbQJDOXI5
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0szNvX2eC
「小舫姐，妳常常離家嗎？」他突然一臉佩服的看著我。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1xfCLT6BK
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMt7Zd2sKyU
「這是什麼蠢問題？」啊，說錯話了。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wRfdIMZLv
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PL49L67Z0
「嗯⋯⋯不是，總感覺妳很熟練的樣子。」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtUONdbKmq
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsWRalsu4P
「怎麼可能。」她說。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKMoEtmNCn
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8R2gbr2IKm
然而這是事實。16歲之前，我離家過無數次，每次都是無功而返，只帶回挫折跟疲勞的身體。然後，到了他的這個年紀，我幾乎像是投降了一樣。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgJXee0XrG
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCs01c8l4A
好好的準備了考試，盡了全力去考大學。畢業之後也找到了穩定的工作。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnojrexKWZg
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7FpEjtlSLR
這7年來的生活十分穩定。而且那是不容置疑的正確。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDFQM96jHq
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjl5mLTBNKk
直到他出現的那天。我再次質疑起自己作的決定。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg67UVwIVsC
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcY32bKVEo
長時間離開過我的這份自我懷疑又找上門來，然而我絲毫不比之前的自己成熟或是冷靜。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4t3MFjCDyn
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdtmdU0K2l
但是看著他，我總有一種感覺。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWApmmSLQbB
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwRLvGC3RN
「大概沒問題的。我想⋯⋯。」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DNisslvTe
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cAVS0rdAS
沒有理由的，我這麼相信著。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKSEymagXtf
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7kRVyoabX
因為，注視著她時，海嘯和風的呼嘯聲就會從腦袋中消失。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD79QTHkIgs
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM6P22CrqdK
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00467Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfeidREsFBc
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「阿靜，你是獨生子嗎？」最近每到中午，她都會走到我身邊，把我從樓下的那個陰暗的角落，帶到樓上的用餐區。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFDmhyLDkc
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZjWHwQi5J
「是啊。」我吃著員工餐，回應的問題。到台北之後，這是我第一次吃到泡麵以外的熱食。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFNitjByjl
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ55FuPDYmxD
「好吃嗎？」她用頭指了指我的盤子。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPDn0l8GnS
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9rcUoCkAJ
「嗯，非常美味。」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqWjJR35Zwe
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkP2OaMkZJ
「那就好。」她又塞了一口飯到口中。「你看這個。」她拿出手機。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSBFERoQOm
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6cuy4crWC
滑開桌面，她打開某個定期回報全球衛星雲圖的程式。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOetbBoMf9
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsiqL00h2Ok
不知道為什麽，程式剛打開所指定的地方是新幾內亞，但是她好像不太在意。說實在話，我也不太在意，我滿腦子在想桌面照片是哪個作家的書。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3vi6Aozu3i
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPZXtJo0tZ
然後她讓我看了台灣附近。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnc94auejaH
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKx3DLDNmc
「一次來兩個颱風噢，很要命對吧？」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9iwBHjc1IG
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「嗯⋯⋯。」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUr253dxK9
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxU960aARX
「可是啊，你看這個。預測路線說，它們會剛剛好⋯⋯像這樣，一個往上、一個往下，躲開台灣噢。」她用手指畫出線條，語氣雀躍的說。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqihkp3BEF8
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKowq2454Gz
「真的是這樣就太好了。」他皺著眉頭說。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwHC2GcS1Y
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOHyN49F3oH
肯定沒事的。看到她笑著這麼說，我的心不知為什麼就這麼安心下來了。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKt6Qp5iSo
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgW2VtpIuc
我從二樓的圍欄往一樓看，看到不少人離開座位，或是把書本丟在一旁，往樓上來。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP7Hb24Hxe0
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCaH8ENKL1s
離席的人一個個往同一個方向去，每個人離開前的習慣和走路的姿勢、服裝的外型，從腳的移動到眼神，每個人都有所不同，卻做著一樣的事。我很喜歡這幅光景。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChYdWcZI7B
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzeyQEmqBt
「阿靜，獨生子是什麼樣的感覺啊？」我的注意回到她身上。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6XcqaQLb8r
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5z3Rxp4cj
「什麼？」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmtS5n5uu6
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCysRJhMrj
她又問了一次。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9vsrOA6Ih
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8eD5m92pb1
「啊⋯⋯獨生子啊，不知道，小舫姐不是獨生女嗎？感覺很像啊。」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS33YoXxCwl
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0VNeKTgJBc
「什麼意思？」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfg4O7d4GJ
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzoiR9R9rX
「對那種需要一個人鑽研的事物比較感興趣。」孤僻的怪人。我從來沒看見她和其他圖書館員熱絡的交談過，說不定，她在這唯一的朋友就是我了。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKyziwmsnxT
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Hc5Ys4n1Y
「噢，這樣啊⋯⋯還有呢？」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHDtYD8Srh
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitdoA9h7EY
「感覺很有自己的想法。」不顧別人的感受。從來不看場合的捉弄人，不管話題或是氣氛，只要她覺得好玩就好。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVXxmJPuoz
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaOJcNr1c5
「這樣啊，可是我不是噢。」她笑著說。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ789GpswP5a
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tYWiwNSNR
「是嗎？」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZ0BvjBrKO
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnaF5opHtV
「嗯，我有一個弟弟⋯⋯長得跟你很像噢。」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOEDH60DN2
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqoh7mwM3qW
她這麽的同時，皺起眉頭，仔細的觀察的我的五官。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrEsgUowcX
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVeiiaTlCoy
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果然很像。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCbhseRNv7C
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCmfoWbP8K
午餐時間結束，他作為暫時的圖書館員，整理書架時的那副神情，和弟弟替我收拾行李時的表情一模一樣。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdxHu9xkgf
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHQUBL7Kda
那是我第四次的離家出走。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ927Y8XNzqV
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSvvdUExJG
準備離開家門前，剛升國中的弟弟，突然擅自打開我的行李箱。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJVnmF5Hg1
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGkZbnYHi2
我害怕會錯過父母不在家的時間，對他斥責了幾句。但是他很冷靜，說要替我檢查。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnWmHBCXRr
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxu7MgcmDvB
「少了牙膏和食物⋯⋯啊，火車上要看的書呢？姊，妳沒有書活得下去啊？」這時的我，為了大學的志願在鬧家庭革命。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0JC4lSvrX
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIkGM10706
我喜歡文學。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuO7UUuOhCZ
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxw0qJpheq
那個時候，驅動我一切不成熟和自私的動力，都來自這麼一個模糊而膚淺的理由。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBxaMSr1VMz
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUd8JyLVX3
因為這個尚未成形的夢想⋯⋯那個時候，更適合的詞可能是妄想。因為它，我把自己的容身之處給否定了。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6VbEwvQhU
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9UHWsQJyo
「 我無法待在那個否定我一切的地方。」我那個時候是這麼告訴弟弟的。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauDkG5qFAX
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphImWh7h9U
我看著他替我收拾書本和盥洗用具後，他堅持要送我到車站。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIaaorJnE65
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8AyyHQFc9P
於是我在車站冷冰冰的塑膠椅上，用極為平淡的語氣對還是國中生的他說。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ63B9bdPZlR
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0bNzxGQwz
「嗯⋯⋯從妳的角度來看，待在家裡確實是很痛苦吧。」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTXoceWNzCd
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjFDKPOOKG
我沒有說話，於是他繼續說。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUs8DtgvH3Z
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9wflgNGk9
「我希望妳能快樂。當然，我也希望爸爸媽媽快樂⋯⋯嗯⋯⋯怎麼辦呢？」他笑著對我說。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqW0TSk3zB
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRAPCNx8fYF
那時的我沒有意識到，他的笑之後有著多麼巨大的重量。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRxzQophwDC
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWZc7Vd3Qv
也許因為我，他時時刻刻對自己的存在感到矛盾。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp57dBFuMsX
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRa1FLMDhWW
但我被自己的夢想遮住了耳，沒能聽出他的求救。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuPdCGkMq9
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCm74dpngs
「謝嘍。」搔搔他的頭，我抱住他瘦小的身軀。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdr938KLf3
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡilVXYFawxI
「姊⋯⋯早點回來噢。不要餓到肚子。」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbayAe73W9
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF32YyD8Wmw
「嗯，你也是。」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo77EKSUpMa
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo85DtOUgFJ
我記得，那個冬天，台北第一次下了雪。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ckLfvrfpK
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVZcvh3wgk
雖然是很少、很細的冰線，但那確實，是貨真價實的雪。67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRMcRMivNU
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEgJMNWQXz
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKbmb9Btwj
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoWVMRquhz
「小舫姐⋯⋯這個算是小說學術類還是偉人自傳啊？」67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACAv6upy2H
67Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpF2ttEMbjB
「嗯？我看看噢。」
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