HIM
There it is again... That same song playing over and over in my mind. I've never heard it before yet the words flow through me as I walk to the bus stop after work.
I need more, I want more... If you can give me more, what else can I ask for?
Everything that you do, you do for us. Let me be what you wanted me to be.
I am yours and you are mine. More, more, more because the only one who can accomplish it is you.
Please, give me more. My soul yearns and longs for you. Breathe in me. Bring me back home to you.
I stop dead in my tracks, frozen staring at the ground. Where did that song come?
Now, it all clicks. I know where it came from; for the past year ever since that night I told Jayla that I refuse to go to church with her, this song continuously played over and over in my dream. I couldn't understand why when I woke up, I didn't remember it but as I stand here, staring at the pavement and my beat-up sneakers, it wouldn't leave me alone.
My chest feels like it's in pain. A deep overwhelming pain within me that I can't figure out how to unleash it.
I can't move let alone breath as I drop to my feet. Am I having a panic attack in the middle of nowhere? I peer up through my watery eyes seeing that my bus stop isn't even a block away, I can't make it there. I clutch my chest dropping everything in my hands, sobbing out loud not understanding what was taking place. I try to breathe through it all as my therapist told me to.
Breathe through it all, no matter where you are...
She told me but what did she know? Here I am not able to breathe even as I do those exercises and as I take a shaky breath in, I can't hold it in any longer as I scream loudly.
"What do you want from me! You left me! You abandoned me!" I yell out with no one in front of me.
I sob once again as though everything in me needed for this to be released. Something took over me and then I feel it.
I feel a warmth overcome me; a warmth so deep;so unfiltered, I know who it belongs to without having to guess. I hold myself as I rock back and forth on that lonely road. Just like Paul encountered Jesus on the road to Damascus.
Here, on my Damascus, I meet the man that I thought abandoned me. The father that I thought didn't want me anymore. He tells me to open my eyes and turn my head to the right, I do as he says. The moment I do that, I shudder because there he is. Not in the physical but in the words that hung on that large banner in front of a church. He envelops me in his arms as I hear through the wind that breezes right past my ear whispering the same words I just read.
"Welcome Home."
There it is again, the uncontrollable sobbing; someone comes out of the church building and runs over to me. They don't ask me if I'm okay or anything else like that, instead they hold me. They hold me in their arms as a realization comes over me... I was angry with God, but he was and is never angry with me. I know this because he loves me enough to bring me home.
ns 15.158.61.48da2
