A few days later, I was sitting in a carriage after traveling for ages. The finishing school was an old mansion in the middle of a huge estate. I was surprised the first time that seen the huge building. It looked like a house that evil spirits lived in. It was an old stone building with big windows and creepy towers. The trees were ugly and looked so old and tired. There were no flowers or anything pretty about the place.
It looked evil and it looked like a prison. This was the place where I would be staying at for the next year or so. I had no words for the place. I did not want to go to a finishing school. But never in my dreams did I think that the building would look like something that came from a nightmare.
I do not think that my mother or father liked it as well. They wasted no time in saying goodbye to me and leaving me in this strange place. I was shown to my own room. It was sparse and nearly looked like something that would be in a nuns convent. It had a bed, a table, and a wardrobe. I was a bit disappointed. Before I came here, I tried consoling myself that I would have a roommate and she could potentially be my new best friend.
So my first impression of finishing school was worse than I expected. Yet here I was and I could not change the fact that I was here. I let it be known that I did not want to come and even tried running away. This was a fight that I lost. I knew it would be easiest just to accept my fate in being here and making the best out of it!
The headmistress called all the new girls into a classroom as she wanted to welcome us,
“ Welcome to this finishing school” she announced, “ We have been serving the families of the upper class for generations. We have trained their daughters on etiquette, manners, the social norms and rituals as well as the social morality that is needed to lead such a privileged and special life.
Now it is your turn. You have been sent here to learn how to be ladies and good wives. You will leave your childhood behind you and take the responsibility that is expected of you. It is time for you all to grow up and take the role of a lady as society expects. The foundation for your role in society starts here. Take this responsibility seriously. You are indeed all very lucky to be here. You have been blessed to have the opportunity to live as a prominent lady. With this blessing comes responsibility and hard work!”
The tone was now set for my time at the finishing school. The other girls were my age, but I found out quickly that I was different than them. I suppose this is Emily's influence. She showed me how to smile and laugh and have fun. She showed me that the simple things in life were as costly as the most expensive things you could buy in a shop. She also showed me that imagination was a gift that opened a whole new world.
These girls were mini versions of their mothers. They talked a lot about the clothes they were wearing and what was the best way to have their hair. They had no emotion when they spoke. It was as if they were saying what was expected of them and not how they felt. This was hard, as I could not see any of them having any humor or feelings. I could not see if they were really happy or sad.
Another thing was that I did not know if they wanted to be friends. I could not see if they liked me or not. They spoke with me and we walked together around the place. However, it was not like the friendship that I had with Emily.
I concluded that these girls had no dreams or imagination. They had no emotions or feelings. If they did, then they suppressed them and did not dare show their human side. If I was to be mean, I would say that they were all stuck up snobs. Yes, I know this is not a nice thing to say, but it was true.
The lessons were strange and I tried to see the purpose of them. We were taught how to walk with books on our heads. We were taught how to eat and even the proper way of drinking afternoon tea. We were taught how to converse and dance.
Afternoon tea was a good example. Always pour the milk in the tea before the sugar and nd the tea stirred by moving the teaspoon back and forth in an up-and-down motion. Sit up straight and spread out the napkin on your lap. Hold the cup by the handle and bring it up to your mouth -- avoid leaning forward to drink. Then take small sips and avoid slurping. The strange thing was that while there was some girl someplace studying how to be a teacher or a nurse, I was taking lessons on how to drink tea.
I did try to do my best and excel in the lessons we had. I will admit that my favorite was dancing. Although the dances were very structured and we had to learn a lot of steps, it was a time when I could let my imagination work. I would imagine that I was at Emily's aunt and uncle's farm, and we were listening to her uncle playing the fiddle at night time.
A few weeks after I was at finishing school, I got a shock. All the girls were standing outside the window and laughing. When I looked to see what the fuss was about, I could see that it was Billy that was standing below. Luckily no one could hear what he was saying.
The girls were teasing and were quite mean about it. They wondered why a black boy that was dressed in rags was standing outside the school. They were even implying that Billy had no sense or intelligence to know that he should not be there. It was improper. It was simply not acceptable.
I was surprised that the girls started to have a debate on the difference between blacks and whites. I would say that it was a very racial debate but it was better to describe it as an ignorant debate. The girls had no idea about black people. They most likely never spoke with one before. When I tried telling them that as ladies of society, we had to have compassion for everyone, no matter how poor they were or the color of their skin.
I was not brave enough to tell the girls that I knew Billy and that he wanted to get married to me. This made me feel bad. How could I ever get married to a boy that I did not want to even acknowledge? It made me think that if Emily worked here as a maid, would I tell the others that she was my best friend or would I treat her as a maid?
A few days after this, the headmistress called me into the office. She was worried about me as she said that she had no problem with my participation in the school's lessons. However, she said she could see some defiance in me. She noticed that I was an emotional girl. She implied that I thought that I was better than the other girls. To make things worse, she said that she noticed that I would daydream and be in my own imaginary world in my head.
I was reminded of her welcome speech and told to accept my destiny and to act more responsible and mature.
Shortly after the visit to the headmistress office, a new young teacher called Miss Joyce asked if I was ok. She told me that she was worried about me. I was very pale and lost what color in my cheeks since I came here. She was worried that I was sick or I was unhappy.
I did not want to tell Miss Joyce what my feelings were. I was told by the headmistress and my parents that I pay too much attention to how I felt and my emotions. I did not know if I was unhappy or not. I knew that I wanted to do what was expected of me, and be at this finishing school for as little time as possible. I wanted everyone to think that I have grown up and was no longer rebelling. I thought I would be happy if everyone could see that I was accepting my position in life.
The worse time was at night. I could not control what I would dream. I would dream that I was a teacher and had a classroom of smiling children. I would love my job as I could see how happy they all were that they wanted to learn more and more. It was not like the lessons we had at finishing school, these were things that mattered. They explained about the world and how it worked. It was an education that could inspire one of them to change the world and make it a better place.
I would wake up and reality would hit me once again. I did not want to disappoint my parents or headmistress. I wanted them to know that I was really trying my best to do what was required at me at the finishing school. In fact, I excelled in most things that we were told to do. If one did not really know me, they would think that being ladylike came easy to me.
Still, I was not happy. I knew my main fault was that I did the lessons with a half heart. I could not see a purpose with them. It was as if I was here doing a sentence and trying my best to be so good, that they would let me pass and leave. The teachers knew that I did not do the lessons with smiles. They constantly told me to be responsible and not so selfish, but to like what I was doing.
I thought that they were being unfair to me. I did not complain or had a temper since I came here. I promised that I would try my best at the finishing house and do the lessons to the best of my ability. This did not stop me from being called into the headmistress office where she would say that I was like a zombie doing the lessons. She wanted me to be happy about the position I had in society and proud of it.
Once I tried telling the headmistress that I knew I was blessed in life. I told her that my dream was to help children that had a hard start to life. I wanted to be a teacher. The headmistress told me that as a lady, I can raise money for charity and in that way help people in need. She said this on a wrong day. I was not feeling well. My body was aching and I felt so cold. I told her that I did not understand things. Why could I not be a lady and at the same time being a teacher?
The headmistress told me to leave the office. She did not want to hear anything that was so ridiculous. She told me that I was showing my true colors by raising my voice at her.
I left the office and went to my room and rested in bed. My health got worse. I was freezing and sweating and coughing a lot. I was in bed for a few days, and things were getting worse. My body became weaker and weaker and so did my mind. I honestly thought that I was ion my death bed.
The nice teacher called Miss Joyce came and visited me every day. She was more worried every time she saw me. She told me that she knew that I was not happy and this was probably the reason why I was so sick
After 5 days, she told me that my parents were on their way. I was so sick that she felt like they should be by my side.
I knew that my parents would be disappointed with me again.
To be continued
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