This time, I'm not going to talk about manga. Not reviews, not a recommendation. Not something that is related to it. So if you feel like this topic I'm going to talk about disturbs you somewhat, I apologize. I rarely talk about stuff like this, but I feel like I have to share it with somebody, even if it disturbs some other people out there. I'm not going to go into much of the details, so let me sum all of this up.
In movies, especially the Asian ones, I find many fathers displayed as a cruel figure who will ready their fists or any other blunt weapons in front of their kids. I at first find this trope overused, but as I later experience it, I now understand.
As I mentioned, I don't really like to talk about personal stuff like this. First of all, it's because nobody ever gets interested even if I talk about it. The people I'm sort of close with often talk about their families going on vacations and all, and truthfully, I'm kind of jealous of them. But whenever I try to open up to talk about my personal stuff, they only pretended to hear. Their faces show that they're lying and uninterested, and I'm always afraid of imagining what they might be thinking when I talk about it. Since I never get a chance to properly talk about it, I usually just browsed the internet to find anyone who might have the same problem as me. I want to feel like I'm not alone. But there's close to none. The most results I find are people who say that they grew closer to their fathers than their mothers as they grew up, which made me feel really really lonely. I know there surely are people similar to me, but I couldn't find them, and that saddens me.547Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6AaixiAVm
In mangas and animes, when this kind of moment takes place, the characters mostly stay cool and badass, and even when I'm writing this, I can imagine them standing up and cheering themselves from their sadness. Don't get me wrong, it's not as if I hate it when that happens. However, I can't be like them. Aside from the fact that they're (or partly) fictional, I cry and cry, even if the reason for that is a lie and made-up. I tell myself that I'm not a crybaby and that crying isn't cool at all but at the same time, I blame myself and expose all my embarrassing actions.
I don't know if you'll even pay attention and read this nonsense. To even care and try to understand. But for some reason, I wish you do. Whether it is to make myself feel better and less lonely or to lie to myself even more - I don't know. Whether or not you will believe; whether or not you will take me seriously - those too, are what I don't have the answers to.
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