P.O.V: Renae Aloe.
Days came and went until it had been nearly a week, and Elizabeth only seemed to grow deeper into a state of shock. I’ve been through that. After my sister’s death, I spent days at a time, just curled up on my bed, not eating, not speaking, not sleeping but for a couple hours at a time, waking up from a nightmare each morning. It was several weeks before I got back to being myself, mostly out of urging the urging from Mia and the others. Kaylee told me it was called ‘temporary insanity’ and that it hits in hard times, like in times of war, or after losing a family member. Elizabeth seemed to be going into the same thing. We were all sitting in our usual spot on the soft grass in the late afternoon, the sun nearly setting- Thomas, Jacob, Donny, Logan and I exchanging glances at each other and back at Elizabeth. Liz was starring at a piece of grass, not paying attention to anyone or anything, lost in her head. Someone needed to get her out of it. I gave Thomas a look and he glared back at me. he was probably the most fit to show her what we all knew she need to see. She seemed to like Thomas, so he might be able to knock some sense into her. Thomas sighed and got up, wiping dirt of his shorts. He grabbed Elizabeth’s elbow and hauled her up without a word. She jumped, startled out of her shock, and tried to get away from Thomas but calmed down considerably once she realized who it was.
“I need to show you something, Liz.” Thomas murmered to her.394Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZbcxqtdjg
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P.O.V: Elizabeth Harmon.
Thomas pulled me along with him, heading for the middle building. I thought we were going inside, but instead, he pulled me to the back of the building. And I stopped in my tracks. The tiny structures that I’d noticed yesterday that had been too far away for me to see, now made me want to turn and run. Behind the middle building and stretched behind the Training Building- were graves. There were hundreds of graves, just long dug up plops of dirt with wooden planks suck up in the ground with names carved into them. The first grave my eyes settled on looked relatively newer than most of the others, and gave me shivers that shook me to my core. In a ragged handwriting that looked like it was carved with a knife read:
"Cayla Aloe. A friend. A sister. A fighter.”
I stumbled falling to my knees, grazing my fingers across the wood. Cayla Aloe. This is where they bury their dead. I looked up at Thomas with a mix of horror and shock. He kneeled down beside me and layed his hand on the smooth dirt.
“Cayla knew this could happen, she always did. That’s part of why this job is so hard to do, Liz.” Thomas sighed heavily. “Because you know that you can die at any point, and you still go through with it.”
“Why?” I choked out. I couldn’t understand why anybody would do something like this, knowing the possibilities. I’d agreed to do the job because I thought that I would be helping my brother in a way. But I can’t do that anymore.
“Because Liz, this is a war- wether we like it or not. And this is what it takes for war to end. People have to die. If we were to stop fighting when someone we love dies, then this war would’ve been lost decades ago. We started out doing this because we knew it needed to be done, but we keep doing it because we want revenge for what we lost.”
I looked back at the grave and I knew what he meant. I wanted justice for Brannon, but killing person after person won’t do it. Not until no one else had to lose their brother.
“Keepers have been fighting this war for longer than it’ll continue, I’m sure.” he murmered. “This war has to end, and we all know it’s coming soon, Liz. We can feel it- something’s just different.” he looked me in the eyes.
“Wether you choose to keep training or not, this war will come down to a point where everyone will have to make a choice. A choice to either fight for what you’ve lost, or to cower. We’ve all lost people we love, but we keep fighting- not for us, but for them.”
“What’ve you ever lost?” I didn’t mean for my voice to come out as harsh as it did, but I was mad. It seemed like he was just telling me to get over it. Has he ever lost someone? Someone you felt you could never live without, never breath without? Somebody you knew you loved more than your own life?
“I’ve lost friends doing this, good friends. But no, I’ve never lost any of my family, I guess I’m one of the lucky ones.” he scowled at me and scoffed. I felt bad immediately, I knew he was trying to help me get my head on strait and here I was, getting mad at him for it.
“I’m s-” I tried to apologize, but he seemed to be on a roll now.
“But not everybody is that lucky around here, Elizabeth. Renae lost her sister, Jacob and Donny both lost their families before they even came here, Kaylee grew up and lost everything here!” he raised his voice, and I could practically taste the venom in it. He stood up and started to pace in front of the graves, running his hands through his white hair.
Since I’ve been here, I’ve never really seen Thomas get mad at anyone before, he’s usually the most calm out of all of them, and I couldn’t understand why he’d gotten angry. Annoyed? Fustrated? Yeah, I can see that, but not as angry as he suddenly was now. I guess I hit a nerve.
“Hell, some people have lost more than just loved ones, Liz. They’ve lost their sanity. People have gone crazy doing this and we have to keep them restrained in the hospital ward so they don’t hurt anybody. So no, you’re not the only one who’s lost something- the rest of us just chose to do something about it!” he snapped at me.
I flinched back from the anger in his voice, but deep down, I knew he was right. Renae lost her sister last month, and she’s still fighting. He stopped pacing after a few minutes of mumbling something that I couldn’t hear and plopped back down beside me, his hands gripping his hair tightly.
“I’m sorry liz, sometimes I can get ticked easily.” he apologized, managing to calm himself down back to his usual self. His hands fell to his sides and had to take a few calming breaths before continuing. And oddly enough, just like that he seemed yup be back to himself like someone had flipped a switch. “I guess what I’m trying to get across is that you’re not the only one who’s been through this crap, this place was practically built on people who’ve lost- that and some duck tape here and there.” he added with a chuckle. I couldn’t help the small smile that spread across my face.
“Somebody has to do this job though. If not, then everybody that has died doing it, their deaths, their memory- is worthless. We fight so that their deaths aren’t meaningless, that they died doing something for the world. So when this war does finally end, it’ll be for them. So they know we didn’t quit on them, that they still mean something.” his voice was barely louder than a whisper.
“Does that make any sense?” he asked, like he really wanted to know. I nodded, and it did. I guess I can understand why you would fight for it, when you put it the way he did.
“Yeah, it really does.” We were quiet for a while, it wasn’t an awkward quiet- just that neither of us had anything more to say. I had a question I wanted to ask, but I was afraid that it would both set him off again and that it would offend him.
“When you said that People s- sometimes go insane...” I started, but I had no idea how to finish the sentence. Thankfully I didn’t have to, he took the hint. Thomas nodded, his eyes turning hard.
“About three years ago, me and my brother were on a mission and t- they caught us, some of the Order did.” Thomas muttered grimly, his fingers digging into the ground, pulling some of the grass from it’s roots.
“They beat the crap out of Logan, but they used a telepath on me. He wasn’t trained well, and when he was looking through my head for information on the base, he messed me up a bit. Sometimes when I’m fighting, my head can’t distinguish the difference between an enemy and a friend, and I end up hurting the wrong people. And other times, I get irrational about, literally, anything- like I just did.” he shook his head in annoyance, but not with me this time.
“I’m sorry Tommy,” I say quietly, not knowing what else I could say. “I had no idea.”
“That was the plan, not to let anybody know that I was, coo-coo.” he rolled his eyes playfully at me and made the crazy gesture. “Some of the other Keepers wanted to keep me restrained in the hospital in case I really went crazy- and I have before a couple times- but Jake made sure I never went there.” he said, and I could hear the gratitude in his voice.
“I understand what it is you guys do and I do want to help, but Thomas, what’s my guarantee that it will help end this war?” if I was going to fight with them, possibly die for them, then I wanted to know that I would be doing something. I wanted to know that there would be a point to it.
Thomas shook his head sadly. “Liz, if there was a for-sure promise that what we’ve gone through, that it will help end this war, then I don’t think that any of us wild have any problem doing it. But there is no guarentee, no promise. That’s why it’s so hard- because we think about it constantly, that if all the we’ve done, it could very well be entirely pointless. That the Order will still win.” he sighs. It was obviously something he’s thought about before many times.
“But it’s a chance we’re willing to take, if it means there’s a slimmer of possibility that this will end- then we’ll have to take it. If not,” his eyes were no longer hard, but sad.
“Then that’s a hell I will not live in, Liz. Not one ruled by Rafe and Da Kenshi.”
We sat there for a few moments longer before Thomas stood up and offered me his hand. We walked back to the middle building, which I had been told was nicknamed ‘The House’ in silence. It had to be well after midnight when we headed up those stairs to the top floor. Out was only when we had gotten to my door and I was in the motion of closing the door did he say anything. He put a hand on the door and said.
“Just know, Liz, you don’t have to make any kind of promise or decision now, think out over. Nobody will blame you in any way if you choose to not be a Missionary. Just- just sleep on it.”
And with that, he closed my door and left. I was quiet as I got into bed, not even bothering with my shoes, and I fell fast into sleep.
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