Other than my depression, everything pretty much stayed the same except for the fact that instead of going to school I'm usually in the local gym just waiting for someone still, anyone to help and love me in a way that I feel needed, that i feel alive. I still wait, I still box, I still help. I just do not think I want to live anymore. My sisters (yes, i said sister) would be so ashamed with me.
Every day I wake up fine and then I might think of something that I need to say, or a joke and I would turn around to tell them and remember that there all dead. I had no one. I had my friends, but they would not understand, to them the girls where just the stereotypical girls; one cheerleader, one book worm, one loner, one nerd and a goth. That is all they see them as. They did not see that Vanessa loved cooking as well as cheer, may never left the house without hugging everyone and could fall asleep in the weirdest positions, jessie snorted when she laughed and danced while she did her homework , and Danielle sung in the shower and tries to read minds when she is bored. sometimes i think it works. she's the best at reading people. well, she was.
They did not see what I saw, they did not see there weird and wacky ways, they only saw what they let them see, what they thought society wanted them to see. I am the only one who will ever remember the people they truly were. So, I keep all my pain and heartache in, I imagine a life where there still with me. Which probably caused more pain than anything else when I realise that there not there. it's like my family's death all over again.
One day my social worker came and saw me and even though I only had 3 months until I turned 18, she said that my foster family had gotten sick of me slacking off and skipping class and she was transferring me to another house in California, on the other side of the country. as if it wasn't bad enough that they were moving me, i had to move to the other side of the country.
For a few hours I mopped as I packed up my limited belongings that was saved from the fire. That was until I picked up a pristine red cocktail dress, the last dress they ever brought me, only the day before the fire. It was the only belonging I had that was in pristine condition with no scorch marks. It was a miracle when they pulled it out of the fire, as though they were sending me a message a message that said, 'where watching out for you now'. And then I thought to myself that it was a fresh start, no one in California would know who I am, what happened only seven weeks ago. At first, I thought it was too soon but then I realised maybe It was time to start living again, too start loving myself again, in a way that had been difficult for me for the past few years.
July 24th, 2018
11:46 AM
And I guess that is how I ended up here, on 43-hour drive from new London, Connecticut to Carlsbad, California.
I knew that I was going to be joining a new foster family, the man that would now be my guardian was already taking care of 3 boys, one of which is his son , the youngest being 15 and the oldest 17. Also, in the house is his mother who I have been told would be in charge of looking after my "womanly needs" and to see her if I had any needs. I would also be getting another social worker, in spite of my protests, and I would be required to go to school with the boys every day and graduate until I am out of the system when I could then enlist. During the drive I had a lot of time to think and I was wondering if I was going to enlist, given that I have lost everything I wanted to protect in the first place.
July 27th, 2018
3:49PM
After a three-day long drive, I finally arrived at the little town. After about twenty minutes the car pulled up to a retro 2 story house (picture below) if you look at it in a glance it seems like a rich business mans house hoping to flex that he has cash but to me, I saw the basketball court out back and the rope swing in the tree as you come in to the driveway, the pushbikes in the garage and the close location of the beach and the high school. Oh, no. this was the house of a large family and a father wanting comfort and love of family to blossom within its walls.
And for a foster kid, that means so much to me. It sent me shivers of nostalgia as we pulled up in front of the house and I saw a small group of 3 horses in a hidden back paddock to the side of the house.
And I think that is what made me stay this man's determination to give these boys a good life. his love for his foster kids, and that is what finally gave me the confidence to start living again. After 2 months of only thinking about me and before I even met these people, I have fallen in love with there family. I finally found something to fight for.
After almost 2 months I found a small smile spread onto my cheeks and I knew everything was going to be ok.
4:00PM
"hi, you must be Shawn, I'm Keagan." I was greeted as a rang the bell by an energetic boy who came up to my shoulder, he started babbling on and I was instantly was reminded of May and my smile started to spread even more as I followed the young boy through the house into the lounge room where everyone else sat.
4:30 PM
After that is a frenzy of introductions and getting to know each other. I learnt that Damien a month younger than me and Derek, the son of our caregiver, was a month older than me. Other than that Kegan was the other boy and he was 15. The caregiver's name is Jacob and owns the biggest real estate agency in the town and other surrounds including san Diego.
After I let out a big yawn grandma Anne, Jacob's mother, shoed the boys away with the orders to cook dinner while I rest. She then led me upstairs to the room I would call my home for the next 3 months.
I was so exhausted that the second my head hit the pillow I was out.
6:30 PM
a few hours later I was woken by a child's giggling from the corner of the room. "hey?" I greeted groggy as I sat up before Kegan runs in. "sorry, Shawn. This is my little sister, izzat. She lives with my mother in san Diego but she's visiting while my mother speaks with Jacob." He picks up the child and leaves and I was left weirded out and confused. His sister and mother? His mother speaking with Jacob? Why does he not live with his parents? I was so confused but before I could think to much about it there was a slamming of doors and izzat and Kegan's mother had left and soon enough I was called down for dinner.
7:30PM
After a dinner of mince taco's Jacob called us all to the living room and I was sat down for my first ever family meeting with my new foster family. I am not going to give you all the specifics but there is a list of the main points that was covered:
- Curfew is 11pm school nights, 1 am weekends and no curfew on school holidays
- No person of the opposite gender in the rooms past 10pm on any day
- No drugs in the house and alcohol only on weekends
- A maximum of five friends over per person on weekdays, ten on weekends
- Three-day warning in advance for parties and other social events
- Everyone must attend school everyday
- Everyone either need to have part time job or help with chores
- The boys must met a guy if I start dating.
Yeah, that is all, pretty fair, huh. I do not even want to know what the boys get up to. It sends shivers down my spine just thinking about it.
i mean, they didn't say no drugs or alcohol. parties are an ok, and i could date. 276Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHU9UIE1nJ
i mean, what?
276Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghm3CHJSxv
