(A/N: this will be a long chapter, so enjoy ❤️)
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After the event, I didnt enjoy the rest of the weekend-- I was dreadful for Monday. Sometimes, I experience panic attacks when my phone buzzes or when something falls on the ground. And I realize my anxiety has gotten worse.
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“MATH!! WAKE UP! Your alarm has being ringing since forever! You’re gonna be late you know..” actually, I’m already wide awake 3 hrs ago but I can’t bear to stand up and go to school. I wanted to use that ‘I’m sick card’ but I cant since we always use that card on special moments so, no— I have this hunch that things will get worser from then on. Little did I know, that I was right.
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When I arrived at school, the bell rang— just in time for me. When I arrived in the classroom, everyone was looking at me like I killed somebody or someone. I don’t know why, but the mean girls on the back rolls their eyes more often at me this time ( you know the mean girls aka the pretty girls that looks like in college because of their 20x layer of make up even if their still in highschool, yeah that girls) but it wasn’t them that I am fully scared about, it’s the boy sitting beside me in the front row. I’d like to change seats but there was no other empty seats in the back and sitting at the back is also hard for me when its discussions, despite wearing glasses.
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I sat down, and I slowly looked at Zeke who was surprisingly ignoring my existence. Lucky me! I thought he was gonna kill me or something today because I just heard an episode of Zeke’s family drama last week.
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And then there he is, for a second, I caught him in a glimpse looking at me. But we can’t look each other in the eyes, gosh this is so awkward. I can’t quite understand the events that are slowly unfolding between my eyes. This makes me even more feel stressed and anxious, this was not I expected.
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It was lunch time, and I made my way out in the cafeteria. I was thinking if I should eat my bento box (Japanese traditional lunch box) in the cafeteria or not, I told my mom that she should not make one but she said, she’ll be making once in a week for me because she’s doing these cooking techniques and stuff. I don’t wanna refuse her, plus it’s not like this is everyday— though a bento box might be lame for others, I don’t mind.
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While I walk past these hallways thinking of a good drink to pair with my bento box, someone surprisingly pulled me into a small staff room and cornered me. At first, I can’t see the face of this kidnapper because of how clouded my eye glasses are (well, I was breathing heavily so my glasses were pretty clouded) and then even if the person is so blurry, I began to figure out who is this.
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Yes, I know you already figured who it is. It’s no other than Zeke. He was flushed and embarrassed too, he's cornering me into a wall. This scene might be pretty cliche to some romance drama but trust me, a weird looking nerd girl with glasses being “walled” by a cute guy, but in a room full of mops, unwashed shirt and a heavy smell of chlorine is actually a pretty bad scenario. This is closer on a thriller type of movie, where my body would end up lying on this room.
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“Don’t fuck with me!” Zeke said, his face is getting serious now and I can see that he is mad. Oh boy.
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“What? I didn’t do anything...” as you observed I am quite the person who can’t defend herself. Even if I am mad, the only thing that I can let out is one word. If someone were really gonna kill me, I’ll just be crying instead of calling for help— I’m that lame. But what could I do anyways? I’m just a weak nerd whose in distress.
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“DID YOU TELL ANYONE ABOUT ME!? KUROSAWA!!” and now he’s shouting, his face are getting more red, and my eyes are closed now. I’m just too afraid to look him in the eyes.
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“N-no, Zeke.. I didn’t tell...I-I don’t have anyone t-to talk to... o-okay.” I was closing my eyes, and it was the first time I said his name. I was so scared that I can’t even form sentences properly.
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“THEN HOW THE HELL ONE OF THE GIRLS KNOWS THAT WE SAT TOGETHER IN THE CAFE NEAR THE BOOKSHOP!!!” he said, and now punching the wall behind me. I was so shocked, flustered, that my heart began beating faster. That loud noise, that big thud— it scared me so much that my hands started to shaking and my legs began to tremble. This was too much for me, I think I’m having a nervous breakdown any second—
He was literally a devil.
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I was literally crying now, “let me go, Zeke please— I don’t know anyone. I just don’t know.” I was crying hard and I fell down on my knees, and I just cried.
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I was not looking at him but he fell silent when I started to cry, I guess he calmed down a bit. I can hear his footsteps, he was walking— walking away I guess, since I can hear the sound which is fading.
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“Kurosawa, I don’t wanna risk my family information to anyone. Do you hear me? I’ll leave you for now. You’re just hopeless.” He said, “you always cry like a helpless little dog, like in the bookshop? Always wanted people to pity you. Well, I don’t.” and that felt a big punch to my stomach. He literally sees me like a trash. PITY!?
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This is not my choice. THIS IS NOT A LIFE CHOICE. I can’t decide when my anxiety starts or stops, I can’t decide to feel happy or sad and I CANT DECIDE WHEN I AM GONNA CRY— it happens. I may be weak, but I know my flaws. I don’t make other people cry out of boredom.
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I tried to stand, but my knees are too weak. I was holding my lunchbox for dear life, I don’t want it to be spilled or something, since my mom made this out of love. I still wanna taste what she made for me, she’s such a good mom. And little tears started to fall again, in my cheeks. I realized that I’m so pitiful right now. Zeke was right. If my mom sees me here, crying in an abandoned smelly staff room, lying on this dirty floor— she would’ve cried too. 40 mins passed, and I only have 30 mins to take my lunch. I gathered all my energy, I have to calm myself down and stand up. I slowly cleaned my dirty uniform, I used my handkerchief because my legs were so dirty and parts on my skirt went dark brown. After I cleaned up, I walked my way through the cafeteria.
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I only had 20 mins left, and I bought some sparkling water and ate my lunch alone. I can see that a lot of people were leaving the cafeteria already, making a lot of tables available. I was eating alone, no surprise there. The bento box was so good that I ate so fast, I definitely felt like crying again because it made me feel better. The lunch that mom made was definitely calming, I bet she put some herbs here or some kind of Witcher’y to make me feel better. I love her so much.
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I checked the clock, and I only have 8 mins to clean myself up and get back to class. I went to the restroom, when some girl blocked my way.
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Okay, I don’t feel like being bullied again, not again- no.
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“I saw you and Zeke hanging out at Book Cafe this weekend. With some old ladies, what’s up with you?” she said, she’s wearing this irritated look that I took some toy from her or what. So, she's the one who told everyone about me and Zeke.
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And then another girl were also accompanying her, whose on her back doing her make up and looking in the mirror not minding me. she spoke, “you know, I don’t really like stupid silly girls who thinks they can take away my man."
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OK. They definitely got the wrong idea.
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“Yeah. Kayline broke up with Zeke last month but that was not official! But I saw you, wearing that ugly Barbie dress with Zeke!” said the girl whose blocking my way, "No one dares to insult Kayline, especially not a nerdo like you."
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So the girl doing her make up is Kayline, and Zeke is her boyfriend. Noted. Oh my gosh they look good together, pure evil— destined together, so sweet.
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“Actually, my mom and his mom were college friends that’s all!” I simply said, I remembered that I have no time to run for class. do this people wanted to be late too!? I mean I think we’re all classmates. Do they even care?
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“Out of my way Brit!” Kayline said, as she approached me, Brit was blocking me so she actually fell when Kayline pushed her aside. Wow, good friend there.
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“You know what? You’re an ugly bitch! Your momma should tell you that!” she told me, straight on my face, I don’t really care about my physical features— though reminding a trash, being a trash still hurts.
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“Yeah. Your ugly! Kayline is the prettiest girl in school!” Brit said, I didn’t noticed that she stood up after her little fall.
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I think I’ve already seen this in a drama show. I was gonna talk about something like “I just wanna pee, please leave me alone— or the bells gonna ring, gotta go”
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These evil witches.
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But someone behind me shouted, “Hey!” it was a male voice, I flinched expecting it to be Zeke again. Making things worse. But it wasn’t.
It was a guy, a senior i think. I think this guy is one of those student officers that maintain this school, they probably look for students whose still outside the classroom messing around and being late.
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Like us.
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Kayline and Brit were shocked, their eyes widened and were unable to explain an alibi.
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"Are you bullying her?" he said, in a cold tone voice, he was definitely scary.
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"No, were not." Kayline said, trying to mantain her cool. " were just talking" she added,
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"Y-yeah.. i mean were classmates." Brit said nervously,
They're definitely bad at lying, it was so obvious that its getting funny.
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"Okay." the guy said, "now go back to your room, theres no excuse from getting late.." he said, in a commanding voice,
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The two girls ranaway as fast as they could, I also followed them but something grabbed my uniform stopping me to escape with this scary guy.
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"Not you, follow me." He said, in a cool tone voice, the guy was the one whose pulling my uniform,
"I'm going to be late." i said, not looking at him, too nervous to look him in the eye, "Where are we going anyways?" I added,
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Without saying anything, he grabbed my hand-- but it wasnt forceful or anything like Zeke. It was kinda gentle and soft.
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"Well, I can give you a pass." he said, i was surprised. I mean, why is he giving me a student pass? before, I am gonna ask a "why" question again. He added, "im gonna take you to the nurse's office" WHAT- WHY--
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My emotions went spiral into different kinds, tired, mad, surprised, and now i feel like im overwhelmed by the way he's holding my arm,
"Youre gonna ask why again im taking you to the nurse office? well-- your knees are scratched and you didnt even notice that youre bleeding. That girls were definitely bullying you. Did they did this to you?!" he looked me in the eye and I was flustered, not because im scared but because I feel like i dont know-- shy. His face is so close to mine, that my heart is pounding so fast.
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Maybe im just sick-- but I cant help but to notice those small freckles in his nose, his blonde hair that reflected the light and those electric blue eyes thats making you drown just by staring, and how he gently pulled me and have taken me out of kindness, that pure heart.
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Math-- cut it out!
Maybe, its not me but its my hormones thats making me blush in this chaotic scene right now. He definitely looks like my knight shining armor..
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