I remember the day that it all happened. The man I loved and who loved me... our relationship ruined. From my years of relentless attempts to end any good relationships in my life, I did the worst thing I could ever imagine... I cheated on him. In our own bed, and finally my wish at the time came true, he left me. I wanted him to leave, and he did. This time though, it haunted me.
The look in his eyes, that the very same person he loved had now hurt him in a way that was physically impossible to understand. His face fell, and when the man went running out the door, me and my now ex-partner looked at eachother. The one thing I wanted was for him to yell, to curse at me, to just hurt me... anything. He didn't though, he looked at me with tears before getting out a hoarse, "Well, congrats... your countless times to ruin something good we had... I understood, but this... I can't."
No yelling. Nothing. He walked out the door, and moments later, I heard a skid... a thump.. and screams. Looking out the window, I see the man who I still loved, laying on the ground with a pile of blood pooling around his head. He was completely still, his limbs bent awkwardly and finally the ambulance arrived, rushing him into it while trying to keep him alive.
The first thing I did.. I packed him a hospital bag and got myself together enough to drive to the hospital. Usually, I left... but he was different. He truly loved me and put up with me... So as I'm led to the ICU I keep a calm face, but when I get into his room, my calm facade falls with me.
I can't even process the amount of wires... tubing... all of that. All of it keeping him alive. I sit on the chair beside his bed, and do something I used to do before I slowly distanced myself from him. I run my fingers through his hair while singing softly,
You are my sunshine... my only sunshine...
This time though, his soft voice doesn't sing back, and I'm left with the mechanical noises signaling that it is time for him to breathe. So the tube in his mouth does it's job. Tears stream down my face as I really see how much I fucked up. I ruined everything, I really did. He deserved so much better. I continue running my fingers through his hair, as I finally choke out the words I needed to say ages ago.494Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZgytg9J34
"I love you, I have for years and I still do. I did what I did to ruin this, the relationship we had. I wanted it so bad, but I didn't think I deserved it. You and I were going to get married, and my dumbass was afraid of having someone who truly loved me. I know I ruined everything, I know. I want you to stay, I want you to come back to me," I pause to take in a sharp breath, "But I know that is selfish, you can go, especially if you are in pain, I won't mind. I love you, but it's okay."
I lay my head gently on his chest, hearing his soft heartbeat. Then I hear the harsh beeping as his heart stops working, his heart that was physically and emotionally broken. I love him, and I always will. 494Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5EbKRsBvTb
So I'm rushed out of the room crying, hearing the compressions and shocks fail. Hearing the final clear and knowing they are beginning to call your time of death, knowing that I ran away from the love I took for granted.
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