A Crown
a short story writing by Alvin Atwater
I
I glared at the man holding a crown in my face, taking in what he just told me. I considered slamming the door in his face. It’s not a douche move if the uninvited guest fed you bull crap. Yet the plump man, who looked as if he could barely fit in his black suit, stared at me, possibly serious eyes behind those sunglasses. I cringed.
“I know it’s sudden,” he said, his neck fat jiggling with every word he spoke, “but it is the truth. This crown is yours and with it, it has the power to make anyone listen to your every demand. Jason, you are king of the world.”
I slammed the door in his face. There was an exam coming up in a few days and Professor Drew would have my head if I bombed it. My poor wallet already howled from thinking of how many drinks I’d have to buy her. There was another series of knocks on my door.
“Look man, I’m not interested in your games. Piss off or I’ll call the apartment security.” I briefly glanced at the button near the door. A different voice spoke.
“Jason Silon, of the Silon bloodline running five thousands deep into ancient history. This is something you cannot ignore.” That was a woman. Never mind, that didn’t matter. Now two weirdos were bothering me.
“I said piss off!” I bellowed. My eyes widened as the door just opened. Did they pick the lock? No, the strangeness didn’t end there. I’m pretty sure they would’ve ripped or caught the chain yet it slipped cleanly off as if someone on my side of the door kindly allowed them entrance.
The chubby guy and a woman walked inside. The woman, dressed in an all-black leather body suit looked like that chick from The Underworld. Chubby removed his sunglasses. So did the woman, almost simultaneously and creepily. What is this, Men in Black?
“Can someone tell me what’s going on here?” I said in a voice that sounded better than how I felt. The fake assertive businessman. I wasn’t sure if they’d buy it from a twenty-one-year-old college guy living in student apartments, but it was worth a try. I wish I had a cup of coffee to emphasize the appearance.
“Jason Silon, my name is Debra Emerson of Natural Order Essentials Organization or the N.O.E. for short,” the woman said, offering a handshake which I didn’t take. She took back her hand without showing emotion. “I’m sure you’re confused, after all, we are a secret government organization.” N.O.E. Perfect acronym. Because that’s exactly how I felt. No. “I understand you’re confused right now but we of N.O.E have been looking for you for a while. We are here to give you what rightfully belongs to you. The Silon bloodline have claimed control of all order in the world. Your father wants this crown passed to you as he feels it is better in your hands.”
I gave them a suspicious look. “You both are crazy. I’d appreciate it if you leave. I have an exam to study for.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying, as you are disbelieving, Mr. Silon,” Debra said. “I want you to put it on and ask one random person to do whatever you say.”
“If I do this, will you finally leave,” I said.
“Yes we will,” Debra assured. I followed.
II
Chubby had a smug look on his face as he passed me the crown. We were on in front of a McDonald’s. Seriously, a McDonald’s!? Why didn’t we go to Burger King? At least I would feel less embarrassed.
“Alright, let’s get this over with,” I said, putting on the crown of shame.
“Command the next guy that exits,” Debra said.
“Sure, Selen –I mean Debra,” I said, doubting that she caught the reference. I did see an eyebrow raise but otherwise couldn’t see any expression beyond her dark sunglasses. A minute later, a guy that looked like he could barely walk, came out of the door, smile on his face, a huge brown paper bag in his hand. The Big Macs actually smelled good. Don’t ask me how I guessed they were Big Macs. The guy’s overly happy face said enough.
“Sir,” I said. He looked at me, snickering.
“What, Burger Queen?” he said, probably thinking he scored a funny point. No funny points for you, Blubber.
“Pass me a burger,” I commanded. I hoped he’d humor me when I prove to the whackos that this crown was full of…. The man bowed and pass me the burger.
“Yes.”
I still wasn’t convinced. He probably thought I was some hungry brat. I had to tell him something that he’d deny no matter what.
“I want you to get to your face and do push-ups!”
I couldn’t believe it. Fatty passed the bag of diabetes to Debra, got to ground, and did pushups. My mouth went agape. “Are you joshing me?”
“I must obey you, Master.” He began to breathe hard.
“For the love of God, stop,” I said. He did, falling flat on his face, panting. I turned to the clowns in black, glaring, not really amused. “Did you tip him off?”
“We certainly did not.”
I pointed at some random chick that had nothing to do with this situation and said something dumb. “Hug me.”
“Yes my king,” she said as she walked over. For a girl so thin, her bear hug nearly squeezed the life out of me.
“Stop!” I wheezed, pulling away.
She did. “Go about on your routines, both of you. You will forget this ever happened.”
I snatched the bag of lardy death from Debra and returned it to the man, tossing his smashed burger inside. They continued their lives as if I never spoke to them. I laughed.
“This… this is actually awesome,” I said.
“I can take it that you’re finally not disbelief,” Debra said.
“Sort of but I need to test it some more.”
“Try not to abuse it,” Chubby said. “There are people who know of the Silon bloodline and will seek any opportunity to dethrone you.” Chubby continued to talk but all I heard was blah blah blah. I decided to make this easy on myself.
“Both of you leave and never come near me again.”
Debra and Chubby bowed and then walked away. I had ideas…
III
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It took about fifteen minutes to get to the university but my target was worth it. She sat in her office, grading the last of her papers. I treaded into a dangerous line. Professor Drew was young, sexy, and an annoying drunk. She showed no mercy in her lectures. Most of her torture targeted me, the guy who always missed the A by one point. Drew decided she’d make me an A student no matter what and her ideal punishment for failing was making my wallet beg for mercy. And though I didn’t drink, I couldn’t just leave her at the bars, thus, I served as a designated driver.
I knocked on the office door. Drew smirked and gestured for me to come in. I didn’t have the crown on my head –can’t have people thinking I’m a lunatic.
“It’s nice of you to visit,” Drew said, patting the chair next to her.
“No thanks,” I said, regretting that I came here.
“Come on, don’t be shy,” she insisted. “You’ve got questions pertaining to your exam, right?”
Someone tapped on my back. I spun to see Simone, a girl from my class.
“Hi,” she said. “You’re here for exam help, too?”
“Sort of,” I lied.
“Good, both of you come in.”
I didn’t have time for this. She’d have to go last on my list of crown test subjects. Or not. I put the crown on my head. “Professor Drew –”
My phone rang. My idiot buddy Wes.
“Sorry, I have to go,” I said and turned my back.
“Have a good day, great ruler of the world.”
I looked at them. Both were waving. I gave them no command, so I assumed they made fun of the crown. Oh well, not taking it off.
I answered my ringing phone as I left the room.
“Hello,” I said. No answer at first, just some weird slurping noises. “What the hell?”
I prepared to hang up but he laughed.
“That was my dog eating his food.”
I hung up. He called back.
“Did you really just dial me for that?” I said.
“No, but I couldn’t resist,” Wes replied.
“Okay then what do you want? Besides to be a douche.”
“There’s a party tonight and you’re going with me.”
“I’m –”
“Don’t try to use that exam as an excuse. You’ve studied nonstop and the tests aren’t until next week. You’re coming to this party. Be there at nine.” He hung up. Great.
I needed a snack. Sadly, I saw the long line to the vending machine two halls down. The only working one.
“Can I have your attention please,” I announced as I approached them. The entire line turned to me.
“Move aside.” They actually did. I took the risk of getting my ass kicked by fifty people just to see how far I could use the crown.
“Let us buy you that snack,” a boy said, pulling out his wallet, fidgeting, a glazed look in his eyes.
“I’ll take one of everything,” I said. “Just kidding, I got this.”
Too late. The boy pulled out bills, preparing to blow it all with what looked like his lunch money.
“Stop! I said I was kidding,” I told him. He did, the glazed in his eyes vanished. “Jesus dude. Do some jumping jacks right now, cool off.”
He looked stupid but while everyone was turned, I got a small laugh and some peanut M&M’s.
“Ok, you can stop now,” I said. He did, panting, sweating even though he did like eight jacks. “That’s probably all the exercise you’re going to get for the year.” I turned to the rest of them. “Carry on. Pretend you never saw that. Oh and encourage this guy to exercise more.”
I left as they dog-piled the poor guy with requests to go to the gym. One day he’ll either thank me or he’d come for me.
IV
625Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8orYeLidgI
I stopped at a convenient store on the way hope. The clerk did a poor job at hiding his grin as I walked in with the crown still on my head. I walked over to him. Time to fight douche with douche.
“What are you laughing at, freckles? I want you to take a pickled sausage from the jar over there, stick it into your mouth, and make slurping sounds while attempting to persuade me that aliens run our government.”
He did and it was funny and creepy at the same time. I laughed. His argument felt surprisingly convincing but the slurping sounds floored me. “Okay dude, stop. Put the sausage away.”
I quickly added, “In the trash.” He moved his hands away from the zipper of his pants and threw the pickled sausage in a trashcan nearby. “After I leave, forget that any of this ever happened only to dream of it every night.”
He may forget but the security cameras won’t. As I left the store, I was sure any guard that watched that tape would start to love their job after that laugh. Youtube, here he comes.
I glanced at my phone as I crossed the street. 8PM. Time sure moved fast for the ruler of the world. Still, I had an hour to find more victims –I mean have some fun before the party. I entered the mall, headed over to an electronics store, and grabbed a megaphone. “Convincing” the clerk to let me borrow it was no problem at all.
I went to the center of the mall, turned the megaphone on high, and announced, “I want all those without kids to dance like wild chickens. Sing I’m a Barbie Girl while at it.”
The unlucky people did. The few parents –like five of them – had widened eyes as they witnessed what looked like a really drunk party. Or maybe a party of stoners. Or a zombie apocalypse. I freaking laughed so hard, sides killing me, unable to get enough of this. What a day! “Alright, you can go back to your lives now but every one of you will forget this, except in your dreams.”
I tossed the megaphone back into the store. My entertainment needs for now were fulfilled. Time to go to that party.
The second I left the mall, I saw two headlights brighten from a single car in the parking lot, beaming right at me. Two people stepped out, sunglasses on, all-black.
Chubby and Debra.
“No freaking way,” I said.
“Your command had a loophole,” Debra said. “As long as we’re not near you, anything goes.”
“But you are near me,” I said.
“Within your view,” Chubby said, his neck fat jiggle catching my eye for a second. “We observed you today and once again, wish to warn you not to abuse your power.”
“I’m not abusing it,” I said.
“Erasing their memories does not undo the damage,” Debra said. We stared at each other for a minute.
“Why you guys wearing sunglasses at night?” I said.
“Wha –”
“Never mind that,” I continued. “You gave me a crown which you didn’t let me refuse and now you’re complaining. It’s not like I decided to become a dictator and take over the world.”
“It sounds more responsible than using the crown for petty reasons,” Chubby said. “I’d recommend it. The N.O.E. is responsible for the success and uprisings of many leaders around the world.”
“Don’t care, go away.”
They bowed, got back into the car, and drove off. Screw those guys.
V
There were so many people at the party in someone’s huge house. I almost grinned. So many subjects for possible control. This place already belonged to me. I eventually found Wes surrounded by some classmates, drinking, entertaining the group. No one said anything about the crown. They probably thought I was drunk and already hit party mode.
“What’s up, test worm?” he said.
“Nothing really, a-hole,” I said. “Enjoying the mess here?”
“You bet your ass I am,” he laughed, alcohol of only God knows what, flowing from his mouth. I’m done.
“Everyone get up, circle up and hold hands. I want you to sing ring around the rosy.”
I sat on the couch and braced myself for the entertainment. They all sat down their drinks of human-killing liquids and beers, and followed my command. I laughed so hard, I spit. In fact, I couldn’t stop laughing. And they continued on and on, even falling down on the part of the song that goes, “we all fall down.”
“Alright, enough is enough,” I said after ten minutes. “Sit down and continue the party as if you never did that. It will be forever unspoken.”
They may have forgotten but I didn’t. I could never look at them the same again. It was a challenge containing my laughter but somehow I managed.
After ten minutes, I grew tired of the mundane drunken conversation, random shouting and dancing, and stepped outside into the cool of the night.
Then I felt something touch the back of my head, cool, metallic, rounded.
“Don’t move,” someone said from behind. That voice, I recognized it. I also figured out the object. My heart began to race. “Jason Silon, my student, abusing his power and coming to this party, out of the reach of the N.O.E’s gaze. Their satellites miss this spot which means your crown is good for the taking.”
“Professor Drew, what the hell is going on?” I said, trembling. I only used the crown for harmless humor. Did she really intend to kill me for that?
“Exactly as I explained it,” she answered. “It’s sad because I really did enjoy your company on Saturdays. Drinks don’t buy themselves. And you looked so adorable, trying so hard to ace my tests.”
“Look, this crown isn’t worth my life,” I said. “You can have it.”
“You’re giving up the power to control the world that easily?” Drew said. “Are you serious?”
“I only used it to get laughs. I don’t want to die over it.”
“How noble. Too bad –”
It was at that moment, I realized she had no idea how the crown truly worked. If she did, Drew would’ve made sure I couldn’t speak.
“Drop your weapon now! Kick it away and get to your knees.”
I turned around but she still stood, gun aimed at my face, smirking. I took a long gulp as I stared at the pretty face of death.
“Confused?” she said. “Look.” She revealed a bracelet covered in small blue gemstones. “Sorry but your crown won’t affect me.” Drew flashed a smile. “At least you didn’t try to make me commit suicide.”
“I’m not out to kill people,” I said, extremely nervous, sweating. My heart hammered faster. “Here, just take the thing.”
“Don’t move,” she said, halting my attempting to take the crown off and hand it over. “I’ll give you some last words at least. Or a prayer. You were a good student.”
Why the hell was no one coming out to help? Or calling the cops? Were they too drunk to notice I disappeared? “Curious about what’s happening inside the house?” I swallowed again. “Don’t worry, Simone only knocked them into unconsciousness.” Professor Drew placed a hand on my face. “Poor dear student.” She shoved the gun into my chest then suddenly kissed me. Wildly. Then she pulled away. “Call it the kiss of death, except sexier.”
This woman was totally insane. I had to do something, struggle for my life. If I’m going to die, it will be while fighting. I watched her closely. “Come on, let’s make the last words quick. Unlike you, I’m going to take control of this lousy world and change it.”
I quickly lurched at her, grabbing the gun, aiming it upward. It discharged, the bullet whistled past my ear. She missed. Drew had an insane death grip on the gun. No matter how hard I tried, wrestling the gun from her was impossible. This is when I learned the hard way of her martial arts. She kicked me, sending me flying at least ten feet but at least she dropped the gun. I knew I wouldn’t get to it soon enough, so I hopped up and ran with all of my might. I heard more gunshots, bullets whispering to me as they whizzed past. Thank you God that she’s a bad shot.
I ran for minutes into the city streets. No one was around. No cars, no people, just ten o clock silence. This felt like a scene right out of a horror movie. This would end badly at this rate. I heard an approaching vehicle, speeding, coming toward me. I knew it was them and if spotted, this chase would end. Going home felt pointless. What if they rigged it with traps?
I increased my sprint and dived into an opening to a back alley just as the car raced past me. Too bad it stopped and moved in reverse. I bolted again, panting heavily, praying that this nightmare would end. When I turned the corner, my heart dropped. The flash of that car’s light nearly blinded me. Simone and Professor Drew stood in front of it, smirks on their faces. Drew clapped, laughing. “Jason, how clever. It makes me hot when I think how thrilling that chase felt. I haven’t had fun like that in years.”
I thought she meant that as if she set this whole thing up as a prank until she pointed the gun at me again. Oh yeah…the gun. “Well now that your body and spirit’s broken, time to die.”
“You’re having too much fun with this, Drew,” Simone said. She was unarmed. “Kill him so we can take this world.”
“You don’t have to kill me when I’m giving you the damn thing!” I snarled.
“If it were that easy Jason, I’d simply take it from you, make you into my body slave, and it would be over,” Drew said. “Sadly it’s not. The current bloodline must die in order to relinquish control of the crown. Don’t worry though, I’ll make you into a legendary hero. You died for the sake of the new world. Your legacy will be spread all over the nation.”
Insane. Too insane. Saying that she’s totally nuts is an understatement. She cocked the gun. I flinched and prepared myself. There was a gunshot…
I thought I had a hole in my chest or my brain or somewhere but I didn’t. Debra and Chubby emerged from the darkness of the alley just as Professor Drew dropped to the ground, dead. Debra holstered her gun. I vomited. Simone screamed, pulled out a hunter’s knife, and charged after me. Chubby grabbed her arm and pulled some badass Jet Li moves that eventually landed her to the ground. Simone was immobilized, unable to fight back, tears in her eyes.
Almost breathless, I wiped my mouth and looked at them. I labeled them as clowns but they looked after me. I couldn’t be more grateful.
“Thank you,” I said, doing my best not to look at my ex-professor’s body.
Debra nodded. “Before we send you home so we can take care of things from here, promise us you won’t abuse the crown.”
“You won’t take it?” I said.
“No. We’re convinced that you’re the safest person to own it, as do your father. Promise us.”
“Alright,” I lied.
END.
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