It’s 1:12 in the morning as I begin to write this. I have to get up in a little less than 7 hours to get ready for work. Not the best time to have a gender crisis but here we are. I just read some more Symptoms of Being Human and it just keeps pushing me to think. I don’t feel like “girl” or “woman” really describes me. I don’t think “man” or “boy” does either, although I think I’m feeling more masculine at the moment? I’m not sure. Just I KNOW that something changes inside of me pretty often. It just feels weird to accept the words, “I am genderfluid.” I really wish I could grab my phone and text a friend or call someone and have a long conversation, but even though they’re supportive, I don’t think I want to bother them in the middle of the night. Not to mention that I don’t have my phone on me at the moment, and my sister is still up for some reason, and I don’t want her to hear me. I really wish I could talk to my therapist right now. Or I really just wish I didn’t have to cancel this week’s appointment. I’m really starting to think I’m not cis. Y’all have no idea how badly I wish I could text someone right now. Unless you’re also a part of the community I guess. I, pretty sure all of us have probably had this experience in one way or another. It’s 1:21 now. Yea no what? Fuck it. Sleep’s for losers. I’m gonna see if I can find some resources and continue with my crisis. Wish me luck.
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Penana
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