Jake
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Friday, May 4th, 20XX
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I remember it was like every other day; I woke up and checked my phone to send my boyfriend a good morning text and then scrolled through Instagram. It was already 3 pm, but it was my fault for staying up late. Matthew Allen, the love of my life, already texted me good morning and said he would do his homework and try to do some things to make him feel better. I smiled and replied, "Good morning, baby, please take care of yourself." I remembered he was crying after we got of call last night. That's why I didn't sleep; I was so worried because he just ended the call without saying goodbye and said he was going to try to sleep. He was going through some stuff with family and had a hard time in school; I felt so bad because he never let me help him. I got out of bed and grabbed some clothes, and went to go shower. I heard the occasional buzz from my phone and figured it was from my group chat, hopefully from Matt. I ignored it and finished up in the shower. I got out and dried off. I turned on my phone and checked through my notifications. Most of them were from my group chat. I clicked and scrolled through, seeing what was up. Victoria and Daniel were 'arguing' over whose dorm we were going to meet up at. I had forgotten that 'The Crew' usually meets up every other week to play games and do homework.
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"Well, if we meet up at mine, we can watch movies on the tv because I can rent shit for free." Vicky typed.
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"Yeah? But I have more places for you guys to sleep!" Dan continued to type furiously.
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"Guys, just come stay here. Mine is clean, and I have enough space to sleep. I'll pay for food and movies. Just stop arguing." I said, breaking the fight.
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"Fine." They both said.
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"Okay, now go pack your shit."
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I set my phone down and finished getting dressed. I slipped back into my dorm and made sure there was enough space for them to sleep. There were 6 of us. Matt would sleep in my bed with me (because we were dating), Vicky and Dan would share the couch, as usual, and Evelynn and Samantha would share the air mattress (which I still needed to pump up). This was our normal; everything seemed so...normal. I started pumping up the air mattress, and there was a knock at the door. I got up and walked over to open it up. Vicky and Dan were standing there, holding their bags.
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"Sup bitch," Dan said, pushing me aside and walking into the dorm. I sighed, and Vicky hugged me.
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"It's good to see you again," she said. I hugged her back and let her walk inside.
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"Where's your lover?" Dan said, setting his stuff down on the couch.
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"He is at home; he'll come eventually," I said, pumping the air mattress up again.
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"Did you remind him? That we're meeting here?" Dan asked.
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"No..." I said hesitantly, "But I'm sure he read through the group chat."
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"Why aren't you guys rooming together? You are dating," Vicky asked.
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I paused. I didn't know why. "I think Matt is still getting warmed up to college; I don't know that he is ready to live with me yet. Plus, I don't think you can room with your partner."
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"Yeah, but he loves you, why wouldn't-"
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"Stop, okay. I don't know why. I don't speak for him. Ask him when he gets here or something." I said, cutting her off.
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"Okay... Sorry." We continued to chat before there was another knock. I got up and opened the door, hoping it was Matt, but instead, Evelynn and Sam walked in.
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"Matt isn't here yet?" Sam asked, looking around.
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"Guys, he'll hopefully be here around six or something. He hasn't been doing his work, and I'm sure he wants some time alone. He was going through some stuff last night." I had no clue why I was saying this, maybe to reassure myself that he would be okay. It was so weird that I hadn't gotten a single text since this morning. I checked the time, and it was already 5 pm. So I sent another text, hoping I'd get a response.
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It was around 7 pm when I finally stopped. "I'm gonna go call Matt to make sure he is okay..." I said, standing up.
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We were playing 'Sorry,' but I couldn't focus because I was worried about Matt. I walked out into the hallway and pulled out my phone. I dialed his number and waited for him to pick it up; it rang, rang, and rang. No one picked up. I let out a nervous sigh. "Hey baby, I tried to call you. Please call me when you get the chance," I called again. No answer. I couldn't take it. I walked back into my dorm.
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"Guys, I'm going to walk over to his dorm. He isn't answering," I said. I was near to tears.
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He always answers, if he is crying or busy, he'll shoot a text, but I had nothing, all day, I had nothing. I was so scared. I slipped on a jacket and left. I walked onto the elevator, going down to the lobby. His dorm was in a different building. I walked out of my building and made my way to his; tears began to trickle out of my eyes. Something was so off about him, and I don't know why I didn't see it. He didn't show up to class a couple of days before, and I haven't seen him in a bit because he didn't want to see me. He had been going through a rough time, and I just stood by. Did he not want to be with me anymore? I ran inside and up the stairs to his floor (his dorm didn't have a working elevator) and knocked on his door. There was no response; I knocked again. I heard a loud bang like something fell. I used the key he gave me and unlocked his dorm.
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His body was lying on the floor, lifeless. A bottle of pills was in his hand. I dropped to my knees. Tears uncontrollably fell out of my eyes. I wanted to scream. I brought out my phone and dialed 911. I didn't know what to do. I felt nothing, not even breathing, as I cradled him in my arms.
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"911, what's your emergency?" A voice said through my phone, which was on speaker sitting on his floor.
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"M-My boyfriend just overdosed; I think he is unconscious," I said between sobs.
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"Okay, just stay calm. What is your location?" The person said.
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"Uhm, California State University, we're at the smaller dormitory. room 98."
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"Okay, sir, an Ambulance is on their way; they should be there in 6 to 8 minutes."
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The ambulance soon arrived, and I was left alone in his dorm when they took him away. I was still sobbing. I could've prevented this. I could've prevented it all; it's my fault. I stood up from my spot against the wall. The EMTs asked if I wanted to go with them, but I couldn't bear seeing my boy in that condition. I walked into his bathroom to splash my face with water and saw folded-up papers taped onto his mirror. I pulled it off and opened it.
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"To whoever finds this and finds me dead, I am sorry." Pages. Pages of him apologizing, to me, his family, to all of us. "I love you so much, and I want you to stay strong for me. I'm sorry I couldn't make it to Jake's house to spend time with you guys. This is my goodbye; I love you."
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I sobbed and held the notes to my chest. This can't be happening, I thought. I refuse to believe that Matt tried to kill himself. I wanted to drive to the hospital, but I had to tell everyone what happened. So I walked out of his building and cried all the way back to my dorm. Finally, I unlocked the door to my room and stepped inside, and they were all sitting on the floor still. They finished the game and were just talking. Vicky noticed me first. She stood up and looked at me in shock; everyone else followed her gaze.
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"Jake... What happened?" She asked. I couldn't even talk; I was just so broken. I felt so empty without Matthew... I was nothing.
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"Did... Did you guys break up?" Sam asked, also standing up.
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"He..." I couldn't bring myself to say it. I began to sob again. Vicky walked over and hugged me. The others came over, and soon it was a big group hug, with me in the middle crying. I backed out of the hug and took a deep breath. "He tried to kill himself," I said. Everything hurt. I couldn't live without him. They all stared at me in disbelief. No one saw it coming. "I walked in right after he fell, an empty pill bottle in his hand. I called 911 and held him in my arms till they came. He is in the hospital now..." Tears were now filling everyone's eyes. Dan drove us drove to the hospital, he parked, and I ran inside to the front desk, not waiting for them.
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"Hello sir, can I help you?" The lady asked.
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"Hi, I'm here to see Matthew Allen," I answered. I was shaking.
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"I'm sorry, but they aren't allowing any visitors at this time."
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"W- when can I see him?" I stuttered, tears began to prick my eyes again.
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"I don't know; they are performing gastrointestinal decontamination to remove all the medicine. It could take up to an hour, and I don't know if the doctors will allow visitors after that. If you give me your name and number, I can let you know when he'll be available to visit." She smiled sympathetically.
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I nodded, "Jake Anderson, 415-XXX-XXXX."
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"Thank you; I'll keep you updated."
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I nodded again and turned around. My friends were standing there. I shrugged and walked towards the exit; they followed me outside.
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"Can we not go see him?" Dan asked.
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I couldn't even talk. I felt like I just got my heart ripped out. I fell to my knees and gripped my hair, sobbing again. I sat like that forever until Dan and Sam helped me to my feet. I hugged everyone again. We sat on the curb, and I laid my head in Sam's lap, and she rubbed my back. I felt so unbelievably empty. We sat like that for at least 45 minutes.
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"SIR!" I heard a voice call out, we all turned around. The lady at the desk was calling for me. I ran back inside, nearly tripping over my own feet. "He's available."
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"What room is he in?" I asked.
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"Room 106, he may still be asleep, but you're free to go in and see him." I thanked her and turned around. My friends nodded at me, and I began walking towards room 106. I opened the door to his room, and he was lying on the bed. Tubes and wires were connected to him. Tears filled my eyes once again. I sat down next to him and held his hand.
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"Baby. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you." I whispered, holding in my sobs the best I could. "I could've prevented this if I just helped you better." I just wanted him to wake up, for him to say something. I just wanted to hear him again. I gripped his hand and whispered, "I love you."
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I never saw it coming... I never saw him as one to attempt suicide, but here we were. Our friends were waiting in the lobby in the hospital, and Matthew was lying in a hospital bed with me gripping his hand. And it started just like every other day.
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