x
午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFwjZLR3zot
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ftTjm1u3q
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRE8c2AG7pb
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM54cgR9zPW
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOg6uUgRNl
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdpEIrsI9w
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudmy54SB8Q
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoEvkarPhhe
為何記住？我解釋不了。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokPTpRS7Cj
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxY3MVDr9uz
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZAusbaItW
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJYsaxo5YIz
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlaToWoHhXl
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WCWLkwdwL
其中一個是他。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxIF22W2ECo
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcCdt7AFx8
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXisnYAthS4
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8OPOKono64
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvlv53qiZ7
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4D0DSceoB7
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡne1RFtXvfs
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCT6cMWKHM
「你遺下銀包。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZ0IbSNf8k
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAq0S397CXz
「謝謝。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvduEQv8IfL
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZak0lDagJ5
「不用客氣……」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbzNvDK1Gc
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEoDHgr403
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Mc4G9prAF
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQAWeH762Nw
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLerIuzzqQt
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynkvDqkCMj
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5r2YjslB4O
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zlFImXz5l
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNWIPjHsbf
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9u7my6W4I
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqUsrwnIBy
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzhTBXebxuT
「我是文班許家偉。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Q5TnV6v7W
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnORiQyjfA
「我是理班李浩榮。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9qWMErym0
其實我早已知道許家偉。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFDwRVMh1uR
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUza3BMvex1
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5oiPxRyhh
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zlQoMYsSz
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5emtSQ13L4
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQKSHEInfL
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4f9RN6hXIa
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQ3A6XZZea
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmtH33Q9xsH
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMtlsGrB9f
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJn35b0jyBf
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0OlXg7V1M
不服氣。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4cqKrFVJu
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9P7BXJoTCl
繼續觀察他。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wYtAe5qEx
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRwovDhHYUt
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzEg63HMqf
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1S91Doj1e6
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYQDttwJT3
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WDZTFKvot
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ17GcJIN3Mm
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFU6GPNHZUQ
我急步追趕許家偉。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWDAg2NSqtX
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPjWWPQJ19
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ct78l0Y6y
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dpORY7ghq
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyLShsoANn
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kKmNDSovo
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbxY8jWxo6
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdhPsYjTQe
「你遺下了銀包。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa2EgNEno8N
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbx18OTCdpS
「謝謝。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXFAfBwB2Y
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdeJNfx6Qw
「不用客氣……」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkC9xLgGWUx
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Am8YcWuin
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWgfUvrQeV
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FNik6D2gP
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkahJ0Xr7Yf
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRtoWDY5t6
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnR0QirsbEQ
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJ7sogcBxq
我望入他雙眼。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzAmu9sSsQM
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7WLPInnE9
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlzvgTJcvLN
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXo2Qbgjyv5
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4B080X8SRh
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1S19AYbk3
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbdravPbi9
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡly8v37A4nG
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjr1llhTUrZ
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSn2Fz1uSId
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CVZcA051u
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1oafQq2T69
「我是文班許家偉。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qRGdJQujk
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVuvBpShHoc
「我是理班李浩榮。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Ty32BWQZb
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2pkMPPE9T
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKczD5YcUU
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuA0nFF9NL
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgT3UncI966
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvNA4kbyXX
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9AXkswbUma
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyWfYWyP48p
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRH0EJTVu8l
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62mzKVdb1T
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSNVwzexEY
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgGyLXxU9r
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGMCFBu0Wg
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfaQtkwL2G
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2o0lt27ly9
但我沒有阻止他。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPt5vNIMT7v
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAueKRBUO6Q
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsV8UpBUdG7
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkEB5crA2j
我慫恿他繼續說下去。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRZ2Zez6L4
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNejGnlpiBv
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9jvQqTsGR
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4XIoQDg7s
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcgoAbPjNv
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5NLWR7I3Z
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOust1nk4K
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TPkLxTvBT
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKMXdoU5ii
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflF8kdjA0u
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKH2fAlzQh
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsx27zbuMw6
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2w3Vu3xCAF
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJwKnRAsCR
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIoybUjIP5P
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyd522jqZSB
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxLzdsJR2L
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluJOKyf5Xf
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡINPgJwRGw8
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8nJlvqBUA
但我掛念他。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLs7LoeUQk
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPAAyehVC6Q
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rj3GgRJNz
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uh0MzGwAT
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpCdcFjkx8Z
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttkXpibHus
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7dNArkzWt
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5dWr5s6O0
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3iPxHZk3G
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUouHRA8K15
不要說。不要聽。不要見。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoOJTK0k3y
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazPtBy72MS
希望時間會沖淡一切。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMblDE0xG8
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVUfUzSIE3
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvzYW8mMYS
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGjWQR7Upo
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsgKWwNQnA
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGHGw0cAEws
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVVFOPXuh3e
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrybU1dnI2n
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bnjFPIS6J
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCjjiokofL
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡappczogDZo
「我也不明白。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvjg4v9aCV
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBSJsbG07CP
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfcrnJ5zRt
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2v4La9EG1
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2egvWXR24
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hZKFVgGPX
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnGV9shDU3
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7xroCJ3Sc
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFs7HbbxVvB
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyaxeakzaKH
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbghgwvDCE
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IcL3A0oDH
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaqv6nBsUJ2
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjfUJRbRrp
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwHa30SSFM
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TZglRkoex
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRcjqGu7C1
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdAZar1t5f
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDBoGxVlQE
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9PK1OVHrho
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcQXIEvyYxN
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡguxIcpHS7t
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9GTjgqhYL
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxdsuQ6U7n
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDW3ma57QcQ
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5U9ZB6JnU
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDQHVO8jeR
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8UCjO2GAt
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8MgM9QU29t
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PLXAUfTgn
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBqMdNABbqn
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmotaO7ICh1
為何要走到這一步？144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLxfr6cNvb
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNNxmfrEzZ
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRUh6tyvmh
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4es7hswxT
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡklhU2hBsmY
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREr4tXlzlo
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKxE5J9PAI
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEb836xuUvA
「別倔強。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAON15IVkqd
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTclNeJwSnD
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF85d7TeYJP
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfXuuGoyM7
「我想你放棄。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVW3Ux2apLg
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf55EfJEphe
「原因？」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡas6NHrprhW
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNRcr5G5Sr
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIZxQIvmw5
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtZp1q5lbeQ
「我知道。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKtBoq2RPov
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGN9z24G8si
「何解還要繼續下去？」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5cZ6bHrsMs
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6BDyrdXqqf
「感情易放難收。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE402cmwhXd
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjRadRgsWpg
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vXQtJSXOH
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd3iMiXfjCw
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjZoxXAk6R
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXaDsrxhw9
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlw0i0oi0T7
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6JGi0dtQa
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTfvlWrMtq
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlor20xcpWH
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8AWpNLFdl
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8nrzDqPAg
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00IDTUkQyR
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VUT3krdPR
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8VMaiaw2v
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr94SWgneof
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lm9O7fRKi
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzecoRqh2i
小醉。半醉。大醉。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIecBUDQjV
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgraAZ7y6I
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMkbr5Rqrf
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMXG4EUkIR
「直接講我愛他。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmVSgNuEnL
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9okhVp7XGs
「如果他拒絕？」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIkEx464AQ
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIqOL5JUb9q
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQd0TxyBBQB
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cWw3BNsGn
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJyXuiX26I
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JNUMLYUXH
「我當然是高興！」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEP1LsFlNf
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbCZeXRIOy
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDR20QFLFfP
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6NEHUPg0J
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbINyKnNC9h
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWX7G9ReVEP
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXEWqmGVpC
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XqjYur08H
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsWhd6xK11
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN16UbwQCAk
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1ktIagOWF
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqJ9NhevSUQ
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7N84sQH7G3
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpU78VvipXI
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNnzHhrFuW
「你仍然單身？」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYyOb53hJE
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNwnC0hOtm
「是的。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCiZhPIFXbg
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡacl7sLIeAz
「要我當媒嗎？」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9FgOYaTSS
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLes7yc5Fv
「不了。難為情。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqmAK72tPbm
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4FFl63Cpo
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqTA0XtnhZ
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrg24q6yBnH
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWd05fVE9Oq
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFLy9tYQUO
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBFRGQAndo
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVdaOYlH0q
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0CLTpxuSUF
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Q0sHfT4tE
回家吧。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDt3dMBhLd4
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw92TRF8fQS
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi8e9GWO31v
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrHiOJCYBt
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2XSH4EgQI
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3jBtAkBsl
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWkd1etr6E6
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWiZNIQP6c5
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2xgr61nt4
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEON9mEmTk
大概是一見鍾情吧。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoe41gucDZR
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyhmRs1dUy
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDXifeNCAE
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdypI4dxDem
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYtfCsdbcd
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuHq20uG6h
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3bOA19SPWn
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftqdd1DxSb
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOg2ofolB5V
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgAiCEOOLYt
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfkA2yEJL9
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTXQq2D8mW
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0fBjJ6AoG
百感交集……144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnGd6BhaRzB
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HN3P07qKm
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK11V3wDhXw
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvk0XbxlD4p
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHa9Fv9lknQ
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEe9TzzaikS
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbwiXW9IzL
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzEP0gGNLE
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWSjf2d4Ok
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVl8dMl13n
「認得。你是文班的。」144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPaytewI4vl
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZeYGnBETW
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHebwhQn2v4
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CE3x9e1tt
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiC6EfQOIy
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡymlmBPc4uI
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhB1CZoUmKy
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzok9xRI42
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkRYrHD7cH
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPr3KJpSIwi
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybAwVdgoc0
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqc5QOXn9D
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWu8lBRQRa
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNi8KlWtdBg
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9sUGBixqf
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3ZUE4VWF7
我哭笑不得。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5itY9Vpym
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQ9oTGdBx6
無意跟他繼續對話。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2p0CzBFtr
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5E2zkEMvi
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqo6pEL6x5
144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXyVwynCFxh
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。144Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXshm3cWR70
