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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfc6GIfDQVy
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWk7z4rVZA
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNhqlFTxGW
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkiRuiTDbey
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJCSbSy75z
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlRZQtfjiO
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLsHgbFXX9
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡceCSKAWQVz
為何記住？我解釋不了。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyp3csnKt8y
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkUwBh8n2fD
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTAG5EFuoc
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFdLEUNPOa
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ3eNGpLWNl
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswRVU5RfR3
其中一個是他。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBkmorLk63
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIAXfQGXcfY
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5XriEgidt
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zQ6mUeOKx
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKbqD2Ix9k
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡox0AIbKVZq
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNLfMmIGcv
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSfhagOVLh6
「你遺下銀包。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ufnJLFDfj
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCnz0c8qr1
「謝謝。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdD2pqRzNE
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMk7E213rxd
「不用客氣……」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Shr0AHRf3
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkeTpWIEUGW
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAA8uNK68ro
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjt1l5OeDu
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4n5U0kqGY
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtmJq8ye0j
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3iSqHdIUk9
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpYwx7Oqxj
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWWVYjfSUC
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9LNUAWPhCC
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZ5qCiXz7p
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfb6zppTTVb
「我是文班許家偉。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jrynQxkCk
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡta9PweVkzr
「我是理班李浩榮。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcW1Qf7HIhu
其實我早已知道許家偉。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04UOkSooAU
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34cLwEG7Ot
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bPBB7HuqZ
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡex5eOZBmjC
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS74kFff34u
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQIYrALJNU
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDjWAWiBJRR
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnJxKeY5Ps
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83Pu9cdAzh
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Q1d2LC6Qi
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6mVVD2a2m
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJbUDgedq4
不服氣。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFJm0SdTFF
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSyW0VOmTV
繼續觀察他。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6PbJWNEVb
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQ7Ac8NM9e
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcz28A24Vzu
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkE8Op6AOC
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCNrpWNtVr
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvzUCJi4D6A
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ31j4fK1x6m
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4J1k8RQEd2
我急步追趕許家偉。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIaYjLwxNU
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGqSuxWGTn
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYiOfshmRTP
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjI9JWkcKZ
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcaLq4RrIx
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1d2gKspRI4
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVGGsAzvm7
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmh43RYBo7J
「你遺下了銀包。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sWWOhanZq
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIbzRp6Cmy
「謝謝。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OjhIiNELf
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UyuNTJxPs
「不用客氣……」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjE8WYs3DW4
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡklrx8oap5Q
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhrne2g1hU
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhhKpckT2mK
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWF5pJi5QQU
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7K06YKxoUF
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cuoJGFTwa
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIgf6EKBO1P
我望入他雙眼。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwppZkx8aqI
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRi2aOzR8jK
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZWaUxo3dn
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYhbatNg72
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGRCb3jm0k
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvymhAtvkak
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKVeX4wQCq
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrqfEDl0oyh
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCSib9OyfH
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0E3NIbVcQh
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPeBdmK2oJg
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtEXoE6MMy
「我是文班許家偉。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5xEMm5RLe
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpA0SVdsfds
「我是理班李浩榮。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhN7yqJOnPe
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsaMzO0jsgg
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYUHvgw1CN
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYz4B0l1ni
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjr7fMiaNf2
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wOZzJuYUx
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYHv5bRo3D
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUlEr9Piph
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkI82vb4dY
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmuVhxf9Zl
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJF8BfShXRM
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vwaQiF6SN
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWqCUsh6We
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpUAZKd3Al
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6izIZOzMz6
但我沒有阻止他。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGUVW1kArH
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKX1b4vw35t
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ZX9e0sja1
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPkrqmV9lo
我慫恿他繼續說下去。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlyBN4fK7W6
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiLw7QecbWK
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndRW39g0Df
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpKdMKn1ou
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEkFxixCfS
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHzUcctwzS
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vLdBaP9Ui
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOl7m22LVJ
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TFowpclP9
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9ZvVBJAwO
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTlM7xWtdC
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImIFImG1qp
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnC4d5MQNf
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWTrLgtpW7c
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRr1SKrmgG
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RkPxLw0Fr
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThxrLANyTa
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbCHk11WFAE
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9X96AUZH3D
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLZfhCHS98
但我掛念他。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKmhelJOmmI
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCa8JFxeL29
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbKCwqysc7
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaaCMA5KtqT
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuEic897gz
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXaCS1YMuz9
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWKqnrnzCx
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosFuQBGwYQ
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCbK1IwWmA
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdITiup8vsy
不要說。不要聽。不要見。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbC8bKlIxSN
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcY7tJQhak
希望時間會沖淡一切。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fmMyqnseN
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPVjBYrEHH
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7V7xrSAHPW
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynSVuWyW9i
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMR0mldFLd4
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3g9O4tcVo
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36Zh24tvzt
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGgZqYE4BK
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5a7HiKG2zq
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGnb7mqGJp
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4TwzLWUKx
「我也不明白。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdWsmwEhWr
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「那就不要繼續喜歡。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcmNQvaUtJ
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0xMY8Jz0z
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWa5x6WLv9
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Hb4WkJtUH
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIrUZr6Wjf
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMT1gOn7cz
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZhhD6Hx1Q
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmuuR9Wrc4h
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslB8KHesmh
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNYUko0kNk
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTW28ZaLUoy
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqAzR69SUy
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEP764wfBj
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhoUJQa4HJ
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZ5fuLhfYK
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWos0eyWds0
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhowUzCICOz
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLsxppZGVz
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSQgza34ct
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Th1gc6fxG
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfq6jSD4fAZ
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLtxvTnXDB9
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6RLfgy98k
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLysRb9nUDw
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY9HnEQOaqZ
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjBJ1sg4WE
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35i55tVvsx
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2a3RW4zVI
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXPWLTE5LF
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcge1imkUB
為何要走到這一步？150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zxHAe1Ks1
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuE2s94sNnK
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhccLHaoc6
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zV49zr72I
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJrtdYRLhl
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6wGJaav1A
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfcYppj537
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwRke3OtSL
「別倔強。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpZqvGdZAx
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv7OhYH9Svf
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYctIE2Hqp
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WNBDBrUYj
「我想你放棄。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpAtd2vGXZE
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「原因？」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1OETGoWFn
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「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyzqCQcBgKd
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡig7f5wf2tZ
「我知道。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡudQlGcAZjJ
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX5O7SwLUMo
「何解還要繼續下去？」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6dVAexHfM
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv89wjNyCBz
「感情易放難收。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHfC7Qj1oD
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLyPa49TiQg
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6taeiyA80Y
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXghiHoDjDy
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGx7BuiQDT
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHrqI879ei
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRB0myA1gU
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbLqhzdgTl
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bfzsJIG69
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFBGpIseyJ
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rXIhXADpO
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6c7bfDUiP4
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZG53wKopap
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHngVj5H1M6
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqekodwecM5
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGk4X7TM8LP
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs54aJDKauZ
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqF9XEDPWp
小醉。半醉。大醉。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgCm2GljIb
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawFHGgqSGq
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWw75CBglJg
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrT80eK3gx
「直接講我愛他。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEU3N16nCQ7
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8UpAUMyOiE
「如果他拒絕？」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFzM70thRo
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「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUquBTa3yUG
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIRGzpa992
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalB5GeztDW
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7UyVpnwr3e
「我當然是高興！」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEag1tzqOY
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaE8HIyOvJa
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVD3BjEbi1w
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Vh3CFSwKz
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7J6NTcUcP
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIY2NsZHm6b
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvBG3nCwSY
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIf67HNDuz9
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBz5NqZUTm
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPnJA83d07
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8Exbv4y9O
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDp2xf9eTOz
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPL8g8CIqO
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9L1IVT83l
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaNtW9v8xlJ
「你仍然單身？」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKgT5WB1na
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAU2qq74dWf
「是的。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhiGflAxmU
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「要我當媒嗎？」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4ItTJY1Ml
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE98GBuH7No
「不了。難為情。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOllZfgnYR2
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsdXWktj8P
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA2taGei1Xn
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19ljVcn9Gg
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNv7OUDAZyJ
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCl3IaQtenE
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmUxC0rjlB
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohvCwOGj4r
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOKh9qSydl
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回家吧。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCBgCvtOWoj
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開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdJukfEni6
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3P4jI3wWl
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbgB5DfI8I
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCcCAd2rPJ
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfGJ9e9umZ
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zRkQxDACy
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡet3eENaNA3
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大概是一見鍾情吧。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFORaXUF0Is
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奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRxVEfs5Zv
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如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDeW4cRAskX
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我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5z6hn1YXW
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我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLOWq3wseG
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKDIjiHUTo
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fYfi1oznQ
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqRv1SmHYS
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百感交集……150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8TRdeMe277
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxw3qgf6C9h
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCqYCLBtOrn
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkySDvDAyK0
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyenBLqPJt
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhfo98XsDh
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAj4TMUZbh6
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWaG9Wr17m
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6GlJ1kh6Ab
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxRgTNRwbLA
「認得。你是文班的。」150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnsUHWmd1Vb
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb37fOUnBnF
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMn7iqk4WCH
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgAc1qQu3X
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ89HRd21EQ8
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecGRiUaopg
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUeNTbHqEI
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSCILzxhZb
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcnW1IkZ8F
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSXDJyfq59
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdf3at71LE
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAiEF7LiJu1
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6iyG0jGOi
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDA6kSkgTqn
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeGlKLSQzu
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5C2nMz6Oia
我哭笑不得。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBEjAUdeXS
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無意跟他繼續對話。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffEleugzua
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZHQgQ0v6H
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUurGjUcl8t
150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbyhw8cyoO
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。150Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPsi4cuSdV7
