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午餐用膳後，男生們大多會將多餘時間花在學校操場，或場上打籃球，或場外觀賽。我亦不例外，在場邊與同學輕聲討論打球技巧。忘形之際，一個籃球高速自後側飛來，狠狠砸中我右耳耳背。場中男生上前向我連聲道歉，我只道不要緊。男生拾球後繼續回場較勁，沒把事情放心上。當然，我也沒所謂，小事一椿。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GiMxP2HgA
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ7LkAI1kyp
令我在意的反倒是球場另邊有個陌生男生對我微笑。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5k1sXnBT3a
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCcqp9EbfH
匆匆一笑，半秒即逝。他轉頭跟身邊友人繼續說說笑笑。我挺肯定自己想多了——對方不是故意對著我笑，僅是他的站立姿勢及面向角度湊巧朝著我這邊來。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTx1DaCYN9V
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbjUtN6YdU
但我還是記住了那抹笑容，記住了他的臉容氣質，記住日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7tPgEQ5Jt
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAnY8ZuWtx3
為何記住？我解釋不了。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXqpXOpc7D
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtlNBSgiyD
好幾個月過去，夏天轉換為冬。颯颯寒風成功減少場邊女生數目，男生仍然在此閒聊逛蕩。同行朋友忽爾興起，動身到場裡打球。我笑笑婉拒，說吃飽想睡不想動。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIFv2nWBYNR
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAdr0bNv8NL
我獨坐長椅一邊，納悶之際，兩個男生前來佔坐長椅另端空位。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64NdWGwHNx
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFyi4mTf48m
其中一個是他。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQzUeK67JC
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mugFaWBej
那笑那臉那明暗，歷歷在目。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThJYXO6t9H
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ32moJ04cRm
心頭一顫，我馬上別過臉去。數秒後，我稍為冷靜，意識到自己的失態，佯裝無異，繼續觀看球賽。不過他似乎察覺我的異樣，有意無意對我展露笑容——一個意味深長的笑容。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL641TFmeZ8
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCY453CF5EW
我尷尬離座回課室去。走樓梯至三樓時，他竟從後叫住我。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYOWtYsbdt
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PVKqc56De
「你遺下銀包。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDev7scB1V
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHNblsEogd
「謝謝。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqpThUq3xS
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNm6RzSLjz
「不用客氣……」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdXgeXJLt1c
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokLzBdXdhm
奇怪。看他忸怩模樣，他似乎還有話要對我說。說甚麼？不是必須相識的陌生人可以如何打開話題？甚或是「為何要展開話題」？162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgsQvUcXGs
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTfsBCyGlh
氣氛尷尬，四目交投，卻不知如何是好。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5sqnsyumW
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhS6b74hQoE
直至提著半滿水桶和微濕地拖的校工在我倆之間經過，彼此才回過神來，甚有默契同時分別從兩個方向離開。我往上，他往下。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5EItLMFKv
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsmA3FWjrS
誰料在午飯時間完結後，我們還是在五樓走廊再次碰面——原來我們都是中五生。由於班別不同、社交圈子不重疊，所以未曾正式認識。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2MIijG5cZ
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgt4QRjTja
不要緊。現在互相自我介紹就可以。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡod3RWPI0Lx
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjC4ycUwQU
「我是文班許家偉。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76NHFZZu3U
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppNN7aT6oN
「我是理班李浩榮。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJVPNa9F96
其實我早已知道許家偉。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOQcQlNzX0
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPV6DFThNK7
我心儀對象就是喜歡許家偉。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡow3V5XJQCI
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDhhd1ofvR
被拒絕的心情久久不散。我開始留意許家偉這個人。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSleL71OEQ4
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8jwprjDlpQ
拜託阿強向文班生打探有關許家偉的事。某文班生說許家偉無啥特別，亦無專長或短處，是個存在感不強的乖學生。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMafjWR44p1
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEuFF2zjsy2
我不明所以——為何心儀對象看上他？162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2dEITOjQ2
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPozLpAxsXU
不是認為心儀對象定要接受我或是對方必須比我優勝，只是我真的找不到許家偉有何可愛之處。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zxuIuAXx6
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡME2KonPDkX
不服氣。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3mAqmtsE4
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6qAtfXVz3x
繼續觀察他。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6L1DLFCtw7
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBks91JH62
匆匆數月，秋去冬來，我對許家偉好奇不減。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Ps6Gdf9eI
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU3IwQXxMum
某天午餐後，我和阿強發現許家偉獨坐操場長椅，於是立即齊齊上前佔據長椅另端，近距離觀察他。他似乎發現我們的奇異目光，動身離開。正感沒趣，阿強發現地上有一個銀包。查看內裡，看見許家偉的學生證。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZshenyudt
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuC4HNOqPCt
阿強建議取走內裡金錢和學生證，再將銀包交到校務處。我反對，擔心惹禍上身。阿強問我是否討厭許家偉。我無正面回應，僅是堅持物歸原主。阿強讓步，將銀包遞給我。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrSkOAI8tIz
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOom0MitMh3
我急步追趕許家偉。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgrdZ8hCuw
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYQulSull4
不明白自己此刻行為。正如阿強所問，我不是討厭許家偉嗎？人前，我一直表達對許家偉的討厭；人後，我曾多次理性分析過自己有沒有討厭他的實質理由。沒有，尤其在我對心儀對象忘情以後。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVmjGwyQFd
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqojctURMOo
奈何留意許家偉經已成為我的習慣。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPX7Ya9Ora
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00d9IZfEeI
遠遠看見他的身影，我自然而然打起十二分精神；聽到心儀對象與好友聊天時提及許家偉，我對他的好奇大於對心儀對象的；走經中五級壁報板，會不經意試找許家偉的名字……162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBy7BNYPya4
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0wOlO42LB
「你遺下了銀包。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PfjTozsaa
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpTKyRdCJV
「謝謝。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65lFPMlLUO
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKisgGaww5
「不用客氣……」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcTbJFix6R
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDotxuy2CZ
經已物歸原主。他道謝，我虛應，然後該是沒有然後。但我們還是愣在原地。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTk8aBhqpy
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7U9Is7ieEn
該要說甚麼？還需要說甚麼？沒有啊！但我們還是原地愣著。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45V5Dq1gYr
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ82zxOzEoX9
他是否一早知道我？他是否早已察覺我在留意他？不會吧……162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMehyBPxzl
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9fBbCKsLI
我望入他雙眼。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzfEiuh7729
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ZdlroKssM
不。我鐵定他不認識我。他的眼神迷惘疑惑忐忑，似乎在期待甚麼……162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw6kC9RToYL
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pEN3TxfsL
一名校工在我和許家偉之間走過。我在視線被阻擋當刻回過神來，低頭轉身離開。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6YO10hcQY
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHfWIQZq27
我回到操場側長椅。阿強仍在，問我有否教訓許家偉一頓。我苦笑罵他發神經。阿強收起笑容，認真勸我別壓抑情緒。我說理解許家偉是無辜的，不會繼續討厭他。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXx1cjJVdJ
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpBizjCsxb
上課鈴聲響起，學生魚貫回課室去。人群中，我在五樓走廊與許家偉迎個正著。他驚訝之情洋溢於表。我反倒開懷笑了，笑他遲鈍，後知後覺。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQM4mMYf2I
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsc75Q8pzQg
許家偉臉紅，禮貌地點點頭，上前自我介紹。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ61y1UyqUmF
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeF5ywhs9OG
「我是文班許家偉。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BzwCNowaQ
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wSppjhpGW
「我是理班李浩榮。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvXGJ8zBUc
畢業多年，我跟李浩榮從未聯絡過——當我這麼講，舊生聚會上人人皆表出乎意料：「你們當年那麼要好，竟然未曾聯絡一次？」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNZWLSm7Hj
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqyfJXOJ3SO
我笑笑點頭，不多解釋。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSgrvz1hSi
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykh5krGOUk
畢業禮當晚，他告訴我，他的心儀對象喜歡我。我問他那女生是誰，我可以當面拒絕她。他說不必，因為他已不愛他。我感到奇怪：如已釋懷，為何重提。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTe5qZIeSj
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZB1FqN3Y3N
李浩榮笑笑，笑說他已覺悟，明白人的真正作用。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvqQ8Md0Io
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrILJetmicX
聽到這莫名其妙的答案，我就知道他醉了——他喝下很多酒。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHM9uRth9c
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvgvR8tBDv
他說人的真正作用就是將另外兩個不相識的人串連在一起，或是把深交的兩個人分開，例如那女生無意間將我帶到他的人生當中，而我又無意間成為他和青梅竹馬鬧翻原因。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡji1VwcSE9N
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yqWPORhsa
我大概聽出話裡的話。有點難過，有點無奈，有點害怕——害怕今晚坦白心聲以後，我和李浩榮再無交集。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizFCdyzZzF
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfUFPCqQK5
但我沒有阻止他。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cSU2F9FvZ
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEP4oeacua
他壓抑已久，情感需要釋放。這很可能是我以朋友身份給他的最後禮物。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlnoyXMF1fC
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMieLFRcSj
我慫恿他繼續說下去。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSoCcz1Zsi
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFt55MYFWs
他跟阿強相識於幼稚園。他倆都是頑皮孩子，經常氣得老師向父母投訴，父母夜裡就來一頓痛打。他們經常看到對方手腫腳瘀，起初會擔心對方身體，後來發現彼此不怕捱打，只怕玩得不痛快。相顧輕笑，再玩再捱打……玩著捱著，二人同甘共苦十四年，彼此之間有一種難以言喻的默契——只有阿強看出他非但未曾討厭我，反倒羨慕我的不起眼。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUxwoUU5Uo
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafGsvoJCaO
我好奇李浩榮何解會羨慕不起眼的人。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwObVvRiyOW
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhWKFK1JOC
「不被注意、不被期望，方能活得自由稱心。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeuDvSCbZD
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFmkyEeZC0
我問他是否有煩惱，可以向我傾訴，也許我能想出好辦法。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUoGBlh96X
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19p7kzUJCF
李浩榮報以苦笑，沒有正面回答。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOlhW6y23RH
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfauuSWUmX
那夜，他喝得爛醉，我送他回家。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozyuXdR7My
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3lrHx3KpM
伯母應門。是個凶神惡煞的中年婦，語調急促，不帶尾音。她接過李浩榮，留下一句道謝，利落關門。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdLCAd7qRA
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXQlCXhsvm
門關。心頭若有所失——感覺永遠不會再見到李浩榮。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQUn44Lrll
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVguwFcBiA0
其實沒甚麼大不了。這是人生必經的離合過程。不會令我受到任何傷害，亦不會令我蒙受任何損失。著實沒甚麼大不了。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAPZGiR4yJA
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2J3g4w2qSE
但我掛念他。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjIzVPCrUn
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzGgFTU9E6
不是偶然想起，不是遇上麻煩、需要向他求助，不是看見眼熟物件進而聯想。沒錯，是真正的掛念——我無法自欺。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGwOEv8QSs
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt90m6rbh5v
想起他，我不期然會笑；想起他，我感覺窩心；想起他，我會自覺孤單可憐。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFoFJAJyTP
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRPoi7NN2U
我漸漸意識到這是甚麼一回事。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcB0GY88O7
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdfOeTsLZV
糟糕了！怎麼辦？怎麼辦！不知道。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNQPnZjsoU
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfe5ECRyN3
不要說。不要聽。不要見。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZx7yPVvDtj
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKF1EwtDrzL
希望時間會沖淡一切。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOgeD6Ksswn
依稀記得畢業翌日在自家客廳梳化醒來的畫面。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvJeJ9qJdT
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYla7ZSnrY8
首先映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。眼睛無法於短時間內適應，煞是暈眩，有一股酸餿灼熱自胸腔冒升。想吐。沒法吐。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepCEQvC92V
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbjwC4uHqcp
阿媽沒有理會我，背對我在廚房煲湯。她對著湯煲說：「昨晚是他送你回來。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk388mmbQSR
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRnqN2Qcv6
我敵不過暈眩與劇烈頭痛，重新軟癱梳化上。沒回話打算，反正阿媽定會繼續說下去。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLUYFwkspkI
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡty1aRMKbgV
「我不明白你為何喜歡他。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuMxBNsGjP6
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6taDH1H7QV
「我也不明白。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvkKGxxlzz
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcPk44zRW9
「那就不要繼續喜歡。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj523211C28
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXhs0ghCAk
「感覺，並非可以自由控制的。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRMIKM4DpMa
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCuUYew6x2e
「我亦無法自由控制我的兒子喜歡誰。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGPzq9gGaF
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHYBSNOdz0
「我也無法自由選擇誰是我的母親。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdentpjZFX0
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKQC47xqR0
「真抱歉——未得你同意就把你生下來。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCAUclvXwv
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfngfdNXR6
「你該要對我感到抱歉。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoO1ccsWWin
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13wELwGhPU
我晦氣，毫不掩飾對她的討厭。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWIQH5vJ6o
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PqFLInVw3
阿媽沒再多話，繼續在廚房忙著。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqwm2jm2n4
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpTHQ69SaD
真要命。人生就是那麼多無謂紛擾。我的人生屬於我，為何旁人總愛插手？162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxAdiLoXPQ
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2KGdsj0uN
抵著頭痛，我硬撐起身子小便去。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOLpP8MT1s
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATa2eSoZe3
在抽氣扇綿延不斷的摩打聲襯托下，小便聲清脆得噁心。噁感令我清醒不少，昨晚回憶開始隱約浮現。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSSzBBvxG3
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrqadqYGFF
我似乎講過一些不該出口的話。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHVi23fffrI
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5Rk6GgzXT
真的嗎？我真的把話說出口？162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ30UWrosDjA
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWGGnxbLMa
為何這麼驚訝？阿強醉倒後，我特意喝下更多酒，不就是為了把話講出口嗎？162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLISH24dq5
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ptW4ySsTJ
便意盡，醉意消，騰出來的腦空間被後悔和自責分佔了。我呆上半晌才提起褲子洗手去。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJb1EIAhO38
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1R6j6mfAU
為何要走到這一步？162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfDNt0F43yy
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbBBDWWJWu
阿強早已看出我對許家偉的感情，擔心我走上「歪路」。我有點兒生氣——誰有資格定義這是否歪路。阿強自知沒能說服我，乾脆將觀察所得告訴我媽。性格暴躁的阿媽一反常態，冷靜淡然勸我切勿繼續投放感情。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERfeqGSXsv
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK41CQcNpZ4
「世人表裡不一。口說開明，實質守舊。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCW7DEtfriL
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc8QbiAxIwu
「是嗎？你呢？你口說放棄，心底裡在支持我吧？」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3CzhT4vtA
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6nxjsV05A
「別倔強。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOye17EpfV
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3XyPnXCXO
「我想要知道你的真正想法！別敷衍！別蒙混！」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aHAY2rPub
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOF5HwIHRew
「我想你放棄。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡttoRoILenw
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLpXkyuFrA
「原因？」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxuXGf0hPq
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Fxz6cQzlJ
「現實終歸是現實的。你將要面對的困難並非單靠信念、希望和愛情就可以解決。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt4SbuNtLWY
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJDT4978mG
「我知道。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9cS4BlGVV0
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcATdIQxwP
「何解還要繼續下去？」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGoBEk2a7R5
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLH5TMFRJG
「感情易放難收。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMU83WWrAVI
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxDirxj3Jf0
阿媽沒法回嘴——「感情」一詞明確否定了邏輯和理智，她還有何話可說，只得被動地待我回心轉意。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9GtMqm0i5G
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoz5RdyrzLD
傍晚，我約見阿強，在公園暗處與他打一架。我們手腫腳瘀，有如兒時被父母教訓一樣。看著彼此頹喪模樣，我既心痛亦生氣——我們的友誼不該淪落至此！我們該可以當一輩子兄弟手足！162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8YKVS5pnr
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfYXf1GObv
架後，我沒有留下片言隻字，待身體稍稍恢復後首先離開回家去，懶理阿強依然躺在草地上粗喘不已。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR59euad3Zw
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjusNcLSFWf
阿媽見我身上有傷，許是大概明白那是甚麼一回事，沒有多問，亦不予關心。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljJdfc7wKF
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9E1pn9I5p
我不在意，一心思考如何在畢業禮當晚向許家偉表白……162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcwZBoWCILk
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWtJMTtFcF
畢業禮，是終結也是新開始。學生們穿戴整齊，戰戰兢兢上台領受證書。莘莘學子前途未卜，能夠掌握在手的只有當下。今朝有酒今朝醉，齊齊喝酒齊齊醉。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMd3eFCG88
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCeOsQiu6Im
阿強取來一支烈酒，邀我對飲：「追求真愛不是那麼容易。至少要比我更能喝。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGExFdWPPsE
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXi3eHyrxnG
我欣然接受。他很了解我，許是估計到我將會乘著酒意找許家偉表白去。我唯一擺脫阿強的方法就是先把他灌醉。我們都不是省油的燈，自小經常一起偷偷喝酒，十分清楚對方酒量和醉態——一旦倒下，沒有廿四小時可醒不過來。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡChiwevouel
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGUiDD0rhc
小醉。半醉。大醉。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJ4aM7r32O
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsz0t7k9RB4
阿強半伏枱邊，傻笑問我：「想好如何表白了沒？」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQv8M3cnsEd
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsa2FN8pr4
「直接講我愛他。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqruhjQT3qp
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaD4BsKq7Dn
「如果他拒絕？」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDVf4OjpXS
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbeSUtpkKah
「沒怎麼樣。就像我之前被女同學拒絕那樣。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡul84KWaF2D
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNZFwU24iD
「如果他接受了？那怎麼辦？」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQ2FQMcbC5
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pvmDK8rKx
「我當然是高興！」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ471twJ9o2h
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7k7BQADA7F
「我在問，他會怎麼辦？你認為他的內心強大得能夠與你共同面對往後一切？」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQpKWBFOiW
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLIW4cF0GU1
阿強問了一個我沒有想及的問題。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbBwOBgsI0
事隔四十年，我和李浩榮在阿強的喪禮上再次聚頭。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwfAcz6vnYF
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2908WLiik
李浩榮說他在畢業禮後與阿強斷絕了聯絡。我為此道歉。他問我為何道歉。我重提他酒後那段說話。他反問我是否真的認為過錯在我。我答不肯定——我無心令他們鬧翻，但我確是他們鬧翻的原因。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBvaNVcqUi
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7qE8WwRq7
李浩榮苦笑，笑容意味深長。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDje6yQkOOe
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNylS21USI
「阿強沒講錯。你真懦弱。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEr0ZRbnQXM
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOampZQYNK8
「活了那麼多年，經歷那麼多事情，我不得不承認自己的懦弱。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRbMSBrl7xF
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzprKCLZdyo
「你仍然單身？」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslGbUEEJlx
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMG4HY7mhCD
「是的。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvQmOoanF6
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZErx0lXGS
「要我當媒嗎？」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCIcfyUSVj
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEAD7EfR42
「不了。難為情。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfXFY2iNnl
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTlnJF0Q79
李浩榮失笑，笑我不值得被愛。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHHmyW0eOv
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbctyoOTac
我陪笑，笑說我懂得珍愛自己就可以。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8QRfZ5EnoZ
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiUYcnhGwwq
多寒暄幾句，我和李浩榮相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5RjKVDNPT
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Hoj9ndJ9R
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcDOwKN9Seq
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2DJONzF5B
回家吧。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAXCPd5KZx
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8AqtLwNHw
開門。門後空洞空虛空蕩蕩。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCM0sDHcC5
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrjz5gex0R
「戚戚慘慘悽悽，清清冷冷，覓覓尋尋。」興之所至，我一邊脫鞋，一邊倒背《聲聲慢》首三句。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqwNa2Ty6bi
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsoXd4Cd7IE
「尋他千百度，驀然回首，那人卻在燈火闌珊處。」沒有脫襪，懶洋洋得撲到梳化上，順口接上《青玉案．元夕》末句。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrThKD4ggvh
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoffmLrTsiu
枕臂望窗，映入眼簾的是極端的光與暗、黑與白——廳燈沒有亮起，窗外日光耀眼得刺痛，室內與室外亮度差異極大。驀地憶起日光照在他臉營造出來的明暗，憶起他的臉容氣質，憶起那抹笑容。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuMg2LrOSF
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOG5ZQI0xtC
大概是一見鍾情吧。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkmhYAOolkG
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3S13qzYH8
奈何我當年愚鈍懵懂，後知後覺。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZj9wXL3pWM
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdUDZTgtKi
如果我當年及早清楚知道自己的意向，結果會否不一樣？162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRGG9zsF6D
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyYUJF0NRe
我笑自己想多了：結果會是一樣的。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpel5uoRiiP
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKOCqaOnHs
我是懦弱的人，我珍愛自己，所以我不會為他人冒險。我寧願花上一輩子去幻想錯過了的美好愛情，亦不會勇敢踏前一步去追求愛情。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9bUgCkfjD
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtmQgBbpj1i
李浩榮說得沒錯，我不值得被愛。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11eaCop7fn
事隔四十年，昔日摯友躺在棺材裡，往日心上人站在我面前。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPheihcLv3I
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5jByvhyioS
百感交集……162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqYLdapC7q
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUeH9by3YVO
當年我為了許家偉與阿強鬧翻，事後亦沒敢聯絡許家偉。同時失去摯友和心上人，情感上的痛令我失眠了好幾年。那時候，還以為痛楚會一直維持下去，有如浪漫淒美感人的愛情電影情節。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4cxPPOijM
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfORNpLlaO6
不過電影終究與現實不同：角色的難忘遭遇濃縮在短短一個半小時裡，情感故此顯得激烈而深刻；現實中的情感必須經過時間洗禮和加入許多愛情以外因素，例如家庭、工作、健康、個人財政等等。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIgJBMdvhT
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwoSzUDsCqp
痛楚自然而然被淡化掉。我漸漸忘了阿強的忠肝義膽和許家偉的獨特魅力，直至今日再聚……162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvs1LT8vK7
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhsK9iyLHLz
「認得我嗎？我是許家偉。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn15CvYUQ7Z
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QgnECCDI8
「認得。你是文班的。」162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwB15bukqK9
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JCvZ2DOtx
許家偉淺笑，笑容如昔，淡然清雅溫婉。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTr4qb2eCV2
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTGX6lozWY
閒聊之間，發現他仍然單身。究其原因，他只道難為情。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjeSNnnv7p
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZuZJjBv1j
「你不值得被愛。」我蔑笑。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOtcQO30Df
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00lO52jelc
四十年過去，許家偉仍是當初那個許家偉。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYY8Un3c0W
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjvlksHM30
阿強沒講錯——他的內心不會強大得能夠與我共同面對一切。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yP9ajwyZ9
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaew3u7Bnyr
「我懂得珍愛自己就可以。」許家偉笑著說。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡViXSTANWNx
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQqnjsNb3aL
許家偉在認真？他真心認為這是珍愛自己的行徑？162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaKjyi05lq
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf9LOvrQrel
我哭笑不得。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyySfRlwIvW
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JPld5O59f
無意跟他繼續對話。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7PJm7Gkm1G
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXN3fFsBfg
多寒暄幾句，我和許家偉相互道別，分道揚鑣不復見。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWt4slMIy7
162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1EiIBueh5X
抬頭望天，天陰雨冷，冷入心脾。
註：此篇會收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》內。162Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdeYAUcOh1g
