我在書枱前呆了大半日。熱茶已涼，但我未嚐半口，心思都在眼前電腦屏幕上——剛輸入的文字不停被刪。字越少，心越亂，人越躁。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpA004vNU93
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfD09K7cS0C
不了。受不了。我離座往廚房換茶去。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTduKnkGf3r
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtyiZnIxsML
廳中老妻瞄我半眼，大概知道發生甚麼事，沒有作聲，繼續看電視。我對她的不表態不勝感激——她以最聰明的方法維護我的尊嚴。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqoU0Er7Sap
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPVMX9GVSO
滾水撞上茶葉，水仙香氣隨著冉升白煙溢散開去。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjiFpRIMRFq
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCki7Lcz3Us
壓力似乎一併消散。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJEfnCr1o3
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6buxbxkFW
茶盡。我再續杯。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtD94otXEeL
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLRw1tfRjT
添茶不是長遠之計——屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfozkvLI19
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISz6SwEbI2
嘆一口氣，慨嘆自己太天真可愛。怎麼會相信自己有寫作天分，而且一信就是幾十年。幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我只得不停安慰自己說旁人不識貨。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXlxLp5hnEL
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOEJ84Nk2wR
口不對心。心裡其實清楚自己料子如何。但我還是堅持寫下去。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2goyEfGXYS
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JR1LyaQQZ
是習慣、面子、尊嚴緣故，更是不想承認自己做了一個長達幾十年的白日夢。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntTbA0RdDs
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwWKh8aDER
夢醒一場空。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobnDBkuYyw
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNsBzAjasH
我本平庸，無甚專長，唯獨寫作能力相對身邊友儕略高丁點。丁點而已，卻足以讓我樂透幾十年。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmgLOcdjWiT
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLji0hwCcLM
工作不順利時，我會告訴自己——我的專長不在工作上，所以被罵亦是無可厚非；人際關係不如意時，我會告訴自己——如果世人只能用文字溝通，我該是表達能力最好的人；走倒運時，我會告訴自己——我正在為快要誕生的偉大作品累積靈感……226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQHbkK9ElN
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ISACoCx7z
一切都是有意義的。如果我真有寫作天分的話。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyAmKWywRm
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGtV8mXjQY
捧著熱茶回到座位。身在心在能力不在。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmswPJNhKUL
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlxFNEwdRZ1
在刺眼的屏幕白頁前，我又嘆一口氣。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9RU5XXmyz
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6TExfQ8ML
我不曾長大，仍是幾十年前那個我，沉浸在中文老師讚賞的我。同學們紛表羨慕我的寫作天份，請教我如何想出精彩故事、練出動人文筆。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRcXgaZcA5
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5NNlsjoAYg
我沾沾自喜。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCIZcGuuQL
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzP8cvNGPdl
細心回想，我當時已覺竅門不在天分，而是努力。努力鑽研文字的運用，努力細味名著佳作當中的韻味，努力思考故事情節起伏，努力觀察分析人世百態……名副其實的將勤補拙。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WNaswvabq
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAmYKKz3MtT
但我沒有向同學們坦白。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWvEocVLu7
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH9MBeFSL9M
因為我喜歡被讚賞的感覺。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwtYESRb4o
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4MoSAL4zHm
努力，努力，努力。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7IS45eAMex
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZCFAfO2Af
我的寫作技巧與日俱增，亦在多個學屆寫作比賽中獲獎。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrzVrN2i1h
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcRMlUPgFg
我以為自己將來鐵定能夠成為作家。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLYCV2bAZq
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrpLZpE48i
以為。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjmcnczkOB
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlFjycHgUqz
告別校園後，我成為一個普通文職。普通收入，普通打扮，普通生活。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaHvqf3Rbbw
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfpFXPduaA3
普通得輕易被取代。普通得難以承受。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkvVE3JcyYV
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTgGgdzVUV
我不得不告訴自己我是多麼的有寫作天份！我是多麼的獨特！226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa0BwZLPX2L
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAT8ij644s
某夜下班回家，我泡了一壺水仙，乘著茶香全情投入寫作世界。沒有外物打擾，我的世界只有我。一切如願。那麼順心，那麼安寧，那麼快樂。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0qTZ4cI5fD
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoRNh5KsVqJ
我的作品感動了我。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEv62fIih7C
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtMfJqXe8C
我希望藉此找到更多懂我的人。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3griuApb4
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvUNfwb1mZ
幾十年來，不停寫，不停發表，不停被無視。我的世界與真實世界不斷相互碰撞。面對無止境的打擊，我不曾問自己為何堅持。因為一旦心生此等疑問，變相在內心種下「自我質疑」的根苗，一發不可收拾。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYwrzEmp8x
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPfoDZOpfJY
無法接受自己幾十年堅持建基於一個沒可能實現的夢想。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIepzf4Z9T
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLO8x1N13J
無法承受自己生來就是如此普通、平凡、平庸……226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0HTHCoI23
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxv2VZFWX0
熱茶又涼了。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡictsOa2UsN
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzlcaGuizR
屏幕白頁上始終沒有片言隻字。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQXHu2TzzC
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysygeNKfJO
老妻繼續以不表態維護我的尊嚴。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7EsbHawWN
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6a0HSJUgKo
我的作品只感動了我。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHeZj1qaSN
226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCGm0A0kvUE
因為我的感受只有我讀得懂。226Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5X3yyuRcvr
才：才華
落：降低、下滑
備註：此篇收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》
ns 15.158.61.40da2
