「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYF8Y6mfNr
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3ba5yzoFM2
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvSa9mS34f
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zDFjemZ2k
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjlgq8m5zMB
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zFJj4gacG
登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9tR9H4dat
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nPWoMxagv
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP6QanFX5Uq
操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdFSXWq5au
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG22KkgY6DU
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJOe9keu16
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSDEggYRpgm
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq02o7AkkqD
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEt5M1XzTc1
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7DqPL7tWL
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWqVEG3S9E
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHRWY3CDz3
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoKIozUxZ9
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeegzEDBRHj
狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWK3BRAkron
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGajOTiBJt
咔——270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHOGe734EKk
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzm4LJen7cP
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8rHeMY9MY
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6gXuwXEaUk
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRk6EkZ4Fwv
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0EzI9YFB5
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbf5SIOU1HL
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNO6ywdnMvS
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQc8cWNDIZ
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0aJmfDHtFF
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWZZPJkxAoT
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMia4BSERD7
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfNiso4Wjc
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5x9G2XWODc
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvoTyDBR004
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHyxeeZ3jI
至少三十年。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gotpHIHGJ
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4F3C9ZKGk
我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgApR7Gmc0o
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vMWW92a7M
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqmYQrLQFNE
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACKkSSXvEY
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqnl2sdsHrx
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4TmRQqrTQ
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkW8sLLPrxa
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wKlJLLAnQ
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1GdUoMIo5B
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKWKot0kwM
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLiBEeUHKQ
七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAhgwdwnVm
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6tvPuo0A0
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLvYbzchrM
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkCWhOJRywr
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoeot402Vhb
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEak4eUPZRo
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHkGhlFRnt
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0YKS8Mmy5
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1sYyICKkE
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDWqsDsucdE
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9B6zxgIL1w
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUt4r81pH0u
感動退散，惡意再生。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ421pFP2rao
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIWbroQEjq
缺失很多，要求更多。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8135cp5lo
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vLskFwesR
缺失愛，索求愛。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUL6OcsGKCs
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9VgfGhoez
變本加厲。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyThG05J2VT
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEJlQu08Tb
理所當然。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4r9SX2jKZ
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4nte7wSv0
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxtExChA7g
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNShOEAxJrn
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkE29KYPjba
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZPujMamDd
沒有永遠的愛。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnh9r9Eb1gP
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2CNyQ31Ae
缺失愛，索求愛。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgWXbVJxAR
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6t2aEKUQVz
鳳姐索價三百元。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUI0WeZgyn
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhyqcVydgQZ
她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCNbYusMNW
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMQe8eZcTD
完事。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbLbAPcRMc
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVZrLKbx3A
一切歸空。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeD29GTUXSX
270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4GAdMxGuXJ
理所當然。270Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl471vE2b4p
題解：
四：四次
嚎：嚎叫、嚎哭。這裡借代情緒激動時的話語。
永：永遠
憎：憎恨
你：你
註：此篇將會收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》。
ns 15.158.61.18da2
