「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4njiPbcmqH
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡth6rbiScep
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBvNqguoUz
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXY2gghkWx
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7FyXmwbtF
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHYvFCe9JU
登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmBdE6RjMB
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmD4ijJIDBm
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphEAzgzZj2
操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Y3zJzsUls
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb52MHWdkYY
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUaqvNzWIp3
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSDKXl7vG4
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlqCH7IqjZ
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwiYOyN9Dnt
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzVTPiyakH
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGemGHpdUm5
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyCNuTRukuB
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXIWvQyHRD
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUgX8smYEee
狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCTnt5I5mm
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Bs4jBWkLw
咔——237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgEHWCXNCy
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nMSBik2mJ
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lrfeRh8PA
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMCWBajKvE
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNtbV1NZgW
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4aCSRqiH1f
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡedQIQwPZT3
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRQDuQ5kDV
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyS3wrGHvuV
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrIK8E6IfSP
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8zE3kqRgk
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Ipi63QTIz
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHoFjCDxJ4
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhK8MILPxqU
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvOFeXw70C
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPPc8k7WUH
至少三十年。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm8aOVry6ZN
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5KWVtoQIT
我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiMYxLIaaH3
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNuMRYuL0lQ
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkdoMEgJAWY
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBc3cGaOJk
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYnrIpBjd0k
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNRYD3BtNl
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xnt1AAStb
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGHBZ8goFb
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0hnOa3Bka
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5OAQIowy1C
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHfiyNKpRWr
七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECpRV33Xli
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlJWS8m7YSP
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqz2s2TFigE
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5fWu9K99X
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjUfE1Mk6JJ
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNzGzbrQlN4
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHuN43GML2
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvH1gCCPon
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBfxdrRyru
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscfSDPvlTv
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbpBUA5JJeX
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVhWXiNlJq
感動退散，惡意再生。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLR5751i3Zf
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MPMg4A54K
缺失很多，要求更多。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3LBsoyzgb
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYcXfwMzoN
缺失愛，索求愛。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TN9T6897E
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb14CVQJW26
變本加厲。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGh5pt3r386
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eUbUk2k7i
理所當然。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVf2Oc190MY
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5VuxwwBlCy
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYIQr8SCTKd
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77E3QzgYQq
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdciRhi3Yqq
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ550IhQmbgm
沒有永遠的愛。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8C58SZcOKl
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutTWAyszvj
缺失愛，索求愛。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡog9BXzkkC0
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0osDTPinlq
鳳姐索價三百元。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5jJcNyaa3
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdhWHJvzI1
她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLjdqsiYMJ
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLZBITgEpk
完事。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1xkRM2WM8
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRskLl5TFMu
一切歸空。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6brQNFZdz
237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxbDqV95NG
理所當然。237Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7hSC3FDgM
題解：
四：四次
嚎：嚎叫、嚎哭。這裡借代情緒激動時的話語。
永：永遠
憎：憎恨
你：你
註：此篇將會收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》。
ns 15.158.61.8da2
