「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqbPFtZUKe
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡayD6V1Le5Q
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzom2nzfdV
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEAx5T5dcQ4
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGZD3u8Lwol
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlU4OfsenV8
登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOXJY1J4xm
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu4zoM6H20T
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpR8SiVluoO
操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9oPevHddjQ
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDgg0wZLwwM
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRiAeCvBZU
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0aJzBMKoZJ
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLYGUH1Ivl
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjO5Nht9c71
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbcJ10nbyZ9
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVj2ToAXiGj
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbVdXX5dhp
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKG21urcI6Y
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1akbOZzrNT
狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq2yj3IcDSa
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBC0OdRUgi5
咔——318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIfCjcc1y0
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPW9pte6z4u
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2vxyibvjd
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡue8onK1lOc
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44VHD5uSwz
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcI6AxZa1gZ
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnGG4pQY3N
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTx2bCCkixS
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmMem5hG8L
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrKbQM18en
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpB9u6nP33a
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyfgl6QQZg
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftH48WiI0O
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6gtTjf11uD
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtt1SZOJwo
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBHGKNbnz6
至少三十年。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOhkLtSrGa
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNx6diAdXZE
我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIugRAfaWCB
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGBDcBQXKSg
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nCT2F6WYy
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWwGduppwz
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmbtVxcY6H
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy01z93IpUy
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQ7P7PnumL
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzM1KhnEcv
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCRO5iKVVl
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGCdGj4yix
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9KJu4YPFHr
七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAraA2H6DrF
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcs5RIMzxoz
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfAUQZLhAsu
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZuUM6EBCC
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZMW9nRbYb
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67wXfuMrOH
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34bOBRptGU
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtIDSbdlI0F
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUaVMraGwKI
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWdtVtlPaW
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnDK6kJNo1S
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMmVsTQzzf
感動退散，惡意再生。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡugbH5PsaGY
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVprMw059r
缺失很多，要求更多。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJnSEAHWT0K
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAvQAGDg5G
缺失愛，索求愛。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWG1JIfXaE4
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfFqAU3dpfV
變本加厲。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8jz3IiJVW
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv99XLsZSOP
理所當然。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFe8xEwcKyb
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr5Oiiic8Ul
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pr7rlc2sx
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC9fFwydRdl
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHauMZeICX
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGT8s2MtwF
沒有永遠的愛。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD1DqrMPMwR
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ959S1VCorV
缺失愛，索求愛。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAC4tsNBhbV
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0WV3IbszKx
鳳姐索價三百元。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2t29IumEl9
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUiafgaTZCO
她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJlHEfoXfJ
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjuCTloVC83
完事。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwrHLNX0HJ
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8aAvmkTb4
一切歸空。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SD572sOMf
318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86uPQOYfFR
理所當然。318Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡynBKXYZ8db
題解：
四：四次
嚎：嚎叫、嚎哭。這裡借代情緒激動時的話語。
永：永遠
憎：憎恨
你：你
註：此篇將會收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》。
ns18.222.124.172da2
