「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡERHc4DBlXD
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84Y92QHqen
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRVQ2F1gQl
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnE2kOjCUHr
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRiZKvpDYZ
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGvduXEvmI
登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEsNpqmCW5
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULplP5MKr2
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSX6eq2ey4v
操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU4fsGriHoU
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zsJHZlHwe
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdg7y1qdQxz
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7twizc4iCs
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGYnkscNMw
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsBML99kES
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyW8Ofp3QbH
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzM0MtiDV4
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3ORQae27k
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsfxhcp9s2
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7NJt4SSF54
狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEcXhlkYeRN
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNq33UnAAh6
咔——245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz4TmbTYs4o
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmZsiC9T7UV
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8kcEICr6h
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHg9NbKODDW
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9neOxLSmQv
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmYldmnjD0W
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDJTuyQ5J5
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCmkyUYyhQ
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXUOnFDdf0
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZDTOixTkx
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbGVRXtHmP2
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwi7wiy0oKz
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00UZuCSrtn
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2OmbgDkNGe
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUdEzQEcGh
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1gWcGkGx0
至少三十年。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8Wku6MX4k
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1ftJ9R0oI
我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWW1nDa3w2
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKLMsmBj4Z
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIQDa5P0R4
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfU2G4CTZGs
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWVRGJyNLt6
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI82McRxUer
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hNpq9spgO
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzhDFFCgnD
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEATeCDJbZ
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOXiHDT6IJ
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bBvtifNTq
七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKepvLKhkE
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fozN79vOj
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIXMYgWjvMN
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBvNGDbJBg
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktGvjV3xen
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfx1YPlOG15
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIE4y0xx9w
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBq2c2tx14
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsg5DyxbO7k
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOi63HUzQFK
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucS5WwyR2p
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrl4q1PkGbW
感動退散，惡意再生。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm2Ts9i60EW
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe3HShht6MO
缺失很多，要求更多。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwX9pbhW3P
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FH0SXCFvc
缺失愛，索求愛。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOn3fjja2c
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7Z99hrQcr
變本加厲。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EeKIMquCG
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡub0l4svizm
理所當然。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerkefNMl06
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡryJuBoeNl4
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwFEo4Zaty
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7H1WjUdyDH
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvJkvlizWP
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZOiPgHsio
沒有永遠的愛。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJpb96RMzY8
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVtVmURQXq
缺失愛，索求愛。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFezAnhEI6
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyM8WuQlabW
鳳姐索價三百元。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjZf2pTYCQQ
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPkc7gViHDp
她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSybNzpdbrz
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Gd2Xgq097
完事。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdyg4C0Ttns
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqNyYdJ28I
一切歸空。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNLaZFa1hT
245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiyAbUTUlP
理所當然。245Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvj72IalAB
題解：
四：四次
嚎：嚎叫、嚎哭。這裡借代情緒激動時的話語。
永：永遠
憎：憎恨
你：你
註：此篇將會收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》。
ns 15.158.61.46da2
