x
EP 3 沒所謂219Please respect copyright.PENANA83jiHqaPvZ
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「良世 —— 」219Please respect copyright.PENANA8XW9tiBWEZ
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「水無月⋯」219Please respect copyright.PENANAXdFgYSmyj8
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肩膀傳來觸感,在視野狹窄的此時,小貓似乎忘記了視野外的身影
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「吶,就這麼由她一次吧,我們一起去找佐島,這樣好不好?」
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眼前的人是鹿波,正確來說是鹿波的分身
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「為大家的安危起建議⋯我讚同」219Please respect copyright.PENANA6XBTidTzf4
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鹿波 依奈子,這是原本那人的名字,真身的名字,因為眼前所見到的,與剛剛所說一樣,只是分身,因為宿主化的能力,是允許肉體分身
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而這些分身的意識,則是依奈子的其他副人格
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鹿波 依奈子,主人格的名字
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奈奈子,副人格的名字219Please respect copyright.PENANAw9SAJSfZ85
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鹿奈,副人格的名字
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成年的女性,面前的淑女,其真身是一位不太妙齡的少女219Please respect copyright.PENANAKObyVLRBl9
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短髮的少年,眼前的男子,只是換了性別的形象,儘管性格不一樣,實際上,是另一人而言
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對,他們只是鹿波的另一種形態
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鹿波 依奈子她⋯
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她⋯⋯
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曾經是自己的獵物
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而作為人形野獸真的該死219Please respect copyright.PENANAcs3ASEXde7
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如此痛苦也是活該
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忘記不能也是
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這是本性
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我的正常
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我的下場
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報應
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在這場恐怖發生前的時間,在剛開學的那天,我⋯⋯
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我在幹什麼來著?219Please respect copyright.PENANAzTsGOX6qXJ
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這不是一道設問,只是對噁心的自己,一個的反問
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來到一個星期前的時間點,野獸的我犯下一件不可恕罪的惡行,直至現在,這事況的衝撃力仍然強烈至極
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人很醜陋,儘管抬頭時,人性的表現非常光輝,但稍微往下望,便能目睹無盡的黑暗
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那裏,在深淵裏頭的那裏,是自己身體所在的地方
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溺水的人,看著希望之光,自身卻無助地吞入絕望入肚子去,讓眼睛盲目、嘴巴啞言、耳朵聾閉
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呼吸不了
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但令人窒息的大海,卻是自身真正的所在地,身體所需求的環境,若然從中脫出,或許能得到曙光,但那只是一瞬的光芒,以生命換取回來的自由,唯獨沒有享用的能力
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承載意識的身體,是罪惡感的溫床,培養出這隻可怕的怪物,這不人道的想法,真正的兇手
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是自私的自己219Please respect copyright.PENANACIy9PTsMTx
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無外
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沒其他原因
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為求滿足一己私欲,我傷害了愛惜自己的人;為求令自己心中的空洞被填滿,我侵喰了他人的身體;為求逃避現實和弱小的自己,我選擇去破壞堅信的幸福,並順從醜惡的本我
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當時,我曾告訴自己:沒所謂了
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『反正已經回不去了』219Please respect copyright.PENANAhdm6XxMeyp
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卻堅信自己的錯誤,是真正致使淪落的原因
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在那之後,我逃家了,我逃出了我曾在的市鎮分區
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就憑身上的這套睡衣外套,口袋裏的5000円,我從熊本來到球磨鎮
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一路上,透過裝無辜,我騙取他人的好心去讓自己得到好處
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小偷、過街老鼠、騙徒219Please respect copyright.PENANA9SZUaEn7o6
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自大狂妄,正如最最最開頭的時候
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在那天,因為我覺得已經沒所謂了,直接跟隨欲望的我想強姦鹿波 依奈子
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但也因為這樣,才被順便一同捉走了吧
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在那天,因為想確立愚蠢的優越感,我希望殺死良世
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對不起
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對不起219Please respect copyright.PENANA6ocQVK2n82
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這不是⋯不是我的錯⋯
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一直在置身於外的自己,是自作孽
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因為我回不去了
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所以說
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才不是⋯才不是沒所謂
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人的光輝比太陽更明亮,但亦可以比起野獸還更野蠻219Please respect copyright.PENANAxOkeBP86rY
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「吶⋯沒所謂的⋯水無月」
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「吶,就讓她一個人待著吧,良世不會有事的」
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「才不是⋯」
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心臟正在逐漸膨脹,血壓正在上升,血液強力地流通血管,撐大壁膜,血球不停互相衝撞並磨擦,把身體的厚度磨削
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這樣的生理反應一來,就能叫身體,自己,清楚地了解每條大動脈的所在位置
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火焰焚燒的體溫是悶感,胸悶,耳朵火燒,獸耳像有團不滅的火往上爬,聆聽的聲音皆是刺耳
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刺痛的神經觸元互相傳遞,進行神經遞質,廣傳這份苦惱於全身
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刺感到最強的那塊肌肉去,讓琺瑯質爭鬥上下那方為較堅硬,在充滿唾液的戰場上發出戰吼
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獸性的力量,粉碎了所謂的「理性」防線
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我
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「我」
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「吶」
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「我」
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這不是所謂腎上腺數的關係,而是獵食者本能
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「我不允許沒所謂」219Please respect copyright.PENANAZhrEQIe0as
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「良世」
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口腔散發出的熱力是有味道,像魚腥味的汗臭,是體味,溢出的睾酮
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這是野獸的味道,人類本質的氣味
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視點完全集中,狹窄的視野是為了看得更多細節,繼而產生更完善的三維景象,方便捕獵者行動
219Please respect copyright.PENANAFzEtmQVwdd
捉住了紅色的兔子,不是要傷害,但要固定之
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「良世,我們一起走吧」219Please respect copyright.PENANArqm0pIvjhg
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「我會保護你的」
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「不會讓你再受傷的」
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「我才不管之前的事了」
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「我不介意良世會不會傷害我」
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「水無月 —— 」
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「給我閉嘴!依奈子!」219Please respect copyright.PENANACW4RaX0q9H
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「現在你不是主角!」
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「我才是啊!」
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野獸的氣味是基因的表現
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上次,我選擇了逃避,這次,我拒絕了「沒所謂」
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因為這才不是沒差別的事情
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我的抉擇,是有下場的
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「我想補救自己所犯下的錯」219Please respect copyright.PENANArICY9f70R1
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「我不想永遠也沒所謂這樣、沒所謂那樣」
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「我知道我或許在大家的心中不值一提」
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「我知道我毫無作用!」
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「這個我很清楚!!」
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我要面對自己的抉擇
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「但是」
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「我也想保護信任自己的人」
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「我想證明自己的存在,才不是沒差別的」
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「所以⋯依奈子⋯求求你了」
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「我不想妥協」219Please respect copyright.PENANAV1dd7lw1yN
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「我厭倦逃避」219Please respect copyright.PENANACrZGF5kXOM
219Please respect copyright.PENANAN2HJ5Gu4hB
「不要再剝奪我少有的抉擇權呀!」219Please respect copyright.PENANAAxy4Nz1CCV
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憤怒過後的血壓,唯是什麼
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本能的堅持
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「不要放棄呀良世」219Please respect copyright.PENANA7bAV1qejww
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「我⋯不想再失去任何人了」
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「求求你不要自暴自棄了」
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「良世⋯良世⋯」
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「求求你⋯相信我吧⋯⋯」
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抓住兔子的前爪,我緊握那焦熱的小手219Please respect copyright.PENANA1cRsgm4c6a
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「我發誓」219Please respect copyright.PENANAcacP42NHGq
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「我發誓!」
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「我不會再讓你受傷害的!」
219Please respect copyright.PENANAZHjaL2BIyh
貓爪抓住了獵物的前爪,兔子的那白色的毛聳,看著那紅色的雙瞳,水汪汪之下的映像
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望著自己的女孩,一言不發
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本來已經是紅色的面頰變得更加紅潤,本來已經如同火焰一樣燙手的體溫,更是變得如煉獄之焰般的溫度
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捉住那小手,看進獵物的視野之中,我希望女孩眼中只有自己,僅是此刻也好219Please respect copyright.PENANA4n4h3xPncL
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「⋯姐姐⋯」219Please respect copyright.PENANAm04lW5kslm
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「賀羽姐姐」
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與女孩面頰形成反差,眼神閃縮著
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內心於離開或跟隨中掙扎,矛盾充滿著腦海
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假如選擇離開,那麼身邊的人或許不會再受傷害
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看著腳下的道路,那麼何處是歸宿,還是應該轉身走回頭路,回到那黑暗中
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「姐姐⋯我⋯人家我⋯」219Please respect copyright.PENANAxh810SNfqD
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「⋯人家我想跟姐姐離開這裏⋯但、但我不想傷害到姐姐⋯」
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「我愛你⋯良世⋯我不會在意的⋯」
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「可是姐姐也是我愛的人⋯正因如此⋯人家我⋯身邊的人⋯⋯不想傷害到⋯⋯姐姐⋯我⋯⋯」219Please respect copyright.PENANAoKSxD0R7yS
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泣音中強制語畢,女孩原先水汪汪的眼眶,淚水一滴一滴的落下
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那淚水落到了我捉緊的小手上,她那高體溫讓淚水變得溫暖
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伸手抹去那滴眼淚,擦去她臉上的淚痕
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那小手變得越來越熱,我把女孩拉進我的懷中,抱緊
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「我不會⋯再讓你受傷害的⋯⋯」
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女孩的體溫早已上升到如真正的兔子一樣,快速的血液循環令心跳變得更快
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輕輕撫摸著女孩令人稍許燙手的皮膚,愛惜小小的自己,回想小時候發燒時的情況219Please respect copyright.PENANAxyxlRlkCNR
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需要的是那一雙手,那一個擁抱,那一個願意陪伴在你身邊的人
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就像現在
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「賀羽姐姐⋯我⋯我相信你⋯」219Please respect copyright.PENANATn8KNgVGa0
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「我相⋯相信你⋯」
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