For a month I felt like everything was ok again, until today. I woke up and just had this heavy feeling in my heart. I got ready for work and was in a good flow. I was ready to get off around six pm when someone set off a bomb in Pulse. There was a total of two hundred and nineteen people inside, including the staff, and there were sixty outside who were caught in the blast.
For seventeen hours I operated, signed forms, had family members contacted, and that entire time the other doctors and I were only able to save twenty. Twenty people out of two hundred and seventy nine lived. Five of the casualties were Laughing Coffin members.
After that long night and almost half the day I went to the Laughing Coffin warehouse where everyone waited for me to tell them who all was lost. I got inside and it was a tense silence, my appearance didn't help any. My face was pale, blood decorated me here and there, my hair was a mess, and my eyes were puffy from crying on my way here.
Mr. Ryder was standing on the small stage and I joined him. "Two hundred and seventy nine people were at Pulse when it was bombed last night. Out of those two hundred and seventy nine we lost five of our members, Joshua Clay, Marcy Brice, Jennifer Brice, Pattrick Braxten, and Henry Xander. I can tell you they didn't suffer and they didn't feel any pain." I announced painfully. My words were like a tense fog, slowly sinking in.
"Why weren't you able to save them? You call yourself a doctor, why didn't you do your job?" A girl sobbed. "They weren't brought to the hospital, they were instantly transferred to the morgue because they died in the blast. For seventeen hours I tried to save many lives but I, myself, was only able to save three. Only a total of twenty people lived and a couple are on a thin line between life and death. If you want to blame me for them not being here go ahead, your not the only ones." I answered then I stepped off the stage. Exhaustion was starting to sit in, and I felt like dropping. I leaned against the wall in a dark corner and listened to Mr. Ryder.
"Last night was an attack from Brimstone. Nicole doesn't deserve your blame, she tried to do what she could. Many are suffering thanks to Brimstone, and now the police are involved. Twice now they've included innocent people in their plans and we will not stand for this. It's our turn to make a move." Mr. Ryder declared, hyping up his mourning members, filling them with rage and the thirst for blood.
I felt a hand rest on my shoulder causing me to jump. I relaxed when I saw it was Garrett. "You ok?" He asked me. I sighed and shook my head no. "I don't know if I need two weeks worth of sleep, six shots of tequila, or a hug." I whispered while looking down at my feet. "I think I can help you with two out of three." He told me.
He lead me out of the warehouse and took my car keys. He drove me back to my place and pushed me to my room, "Go take a shower then get some sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." I just nodded mutely and went to my room to do as I was told.
I woke up three hours later with a racing heart and tears running down my cheeks. There was a knock on my door before Garrett poked his head in, "I had a feeling you'd be awake." He then came in with two cups of hot chocolate. He handed me one and I looked into it and I noticed it had marshmallows. He sat on the edge of the and took a big drink from his. I took a gentle sip, careful not to burn my tongue. I was shocked that it was the perfect temperature.
"Quit blaming yourself." He told me gently while looking into his cup. "How did you know?" I asked. "I can see it in your eyes. I once had that look in my own." He replied. "Really?" I questioned. He nodded, "I was thirteen when I took a life. My father was on a drunken rampage and was beating my mom with the butt of a pistol. I dove at him and tried to pry the gun out of his hands. Next thing I know the gun went off and he dropped to the floor with a bullet hole in his throat. Nights I would wake up with nightmares and blaming myself. My mom told me that I tried to save her life and that's what counts. You tried to save those lives but it didn't always work out and that's not your fault."
Tears fell down my face, "Did the nightmares ever stop?" "I get them occasionally and when I do I call my mom." He answered. I looked into my cup, "I don't have anyone to call." I told him softly. "Where are your parents?" He asked. "They died when I was little and I have no other family." I confessed. He was silent for a second and then asked, "What about Emily?" "She's a great friend but she avoids the topic of dead people. If tell I had a nightmare about all the faces of people I wasn't able to save she'd either change the topic or hang up." I explained.
He was quiet for a few minutes as we drank our hot chocolate before he broke it, "Call me if you need to talk, I'll always answer." I gave him a small smile, "Thank you." He nodded, "Don't mention it. Now try to get some sleep, I'll be on the couch if you need me."
He took my empty cup along with him when he left the room and I got under my covers and tried to go back to sleep.
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