My heart sank. No.
He couldn't be here. He shouldn't be seeing me like this. Brent's chest fell rapidly, his hand running through his hair as we stare at each other like deer in headlights. The urge to start crying again became overwhelming, but I blinked the tears back. Brent shook his head and rubbed his eyes, looking back at me. "Holy fuck... I never thought I would see you again, especially this soon after the news..." His voice trailed and he climbed into the fountain to move closer to me. Panic clutched my heart and I moved back, my body finding the base of the statue. Hurt flashed in his eyes, but he stopped moving toward me. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking," he murmured and sat across from me. His eyes searched my body, taking in every detail. I noticed a touch of sadness seeping over his beautiful stare and I ducked my head, embarrassed.
"Sophie, I-" He paused. "I don't even know what to say right now. I was so upset when I never heard back from you. I really wanted to get to know you better, really become friends... And now I feel so incredibly stupid," he whispered and I looked back at him, tears framing my eyes. "You went through so much and the news didn't even do it justice explaining the impact. You look like you're fading from existence right now." I let out an amused snort.
"I haven't heard that one yet," I replied quietly. A small smile twitched at the corner of his lips.
"Sorry. I probably shouldn't have said that. I'm just shocked. You look so different."
I shook my head. "No, I understand. It's been a minute since we have seen each other and I do look rather unhealthy." My hands plopped in my lap as I chewed my lip, looking down at the water rippling around us. "I'm sorry I never reached out. I just didn't want to put a target on your back too," I squeaked out. I heard him sigh and the water made light splashes against me as he shifted his weight.
"Can I move closer to you, please?" He pleaded and my heart sank. A part of me wanted him to come closer, but a bigger part of me was terrified to be touched by a man that wasn't Todd. But he only asked to move closer, not to touch me. If he didn't touch me...
"Yes, but just don't touch me please. I-I'm not ready." I chewed on my lip and looked at him through my lashes. He pushed himself from the wall and moved a little closer to me. I could see the restraint on his face to keep his hands to himself. Before he got comfortable, he shoved his hands under his legs.
"He did so much damage to you, didn't he?" He asked softly. I nodded and fully faced him now.
"This is the first time I have left the house since his death. I'm working on it. I want to be better, I just don't really know how at the moment. But, I was given an opportunity to try to reclaim myself." I drew in a shaky breath and rubbed my arms, both for comfort and warmth. "I just don't know if it's the right direction to follow. Getting myself here," I said gesturing to the fountain, "was the best I think I can do today."
Brent watched me for a moment before standing up and offering his hand out to me. I flinched as it moved toward my face and I saw him wince in a silent apology. "Come on, I think there can be one more step added. We need to get you warm, and us sitting here won't accomplish that."
I watched the water drip from his clothes as I chewed on my lip, contemplating his words. "What did you have in mind?"
"My place is just down the block." He gestured toward his right with his head. "We can get you some dry clothes and something warm to drink before you go home."
My breath stopped at the idea of going to an unknown place with him. We'd be out of the public eye and he'd be free to do whatever the hell he wanted to me. I couldn't allow that to happen to me again. Hesitantly, I took his hand and he pulled me up to my feet. Being out of the water was a lot colder and a huge shiver trembled through my body. Brent watched me, dropping his hand back to his side. He was waiting for my answer. As cold as I was, I couldn't risk it.
"Thank you for that, Brent, but..." I watched his face fall when the last word left my mouth and my heart ached, but I squashed that feeling down. "I can't right now. Thank you so much for your help, but I genuinely don't feel comfortable being alone with you in your place right now."
He nodded and combed through his beard. There was a mask he was hiding behind now, his face completely neutral but I knew that wasn't his true feelings. "I understand. I'd probably feel the same way if that happened to me too." He gave me a grin, looking a bit forced as hard as he tried for it not to be. "Can I at least get your number, if you have a new one? I just want to check in and make sure you make it home safe."
I chuckled. "Actually, I don't have a phone at the moment. I left mine with Garrett and never got it back and I just haven't had it in me to get a new one."
"Well," he laughed. "We will have to change that. Would you be willing to meet me here tomorrow? I'll take you to get a new phone and then I will give you as much space as you need. I would just prefer you to have some sort of method to contact somebody if you need help, whether that be me or any friends or family you may have." His face grew serious. "I may not know you very well, but I can see you're drowning. And from what I remember, you're too special to drown."
My stomach fluttered from his words. This was my opportunity to start my new beginning, that was why I went out today. Getting a new phone would be a start in the right direction. He made a good point about being able to reach out to people if I needed help. Being alone with my suicidal tendencies was hard, and honestly, it's a miracle I hadn't gone through with any of the thoughts I had. Having a phone would allow me to not be alone if a situation like that arose again. I gave him a single nod. "Noon?"
His eyes lit up briefly. "Noon." He climbed out of the fountain and offered his hand to me. This time I took it without giving it too much thought and climbed out after him. "Get home and warm up." He lifted his hand and then hesitated, bringing it back down, his lips forming a grim line before turning up to a smile toward me. "I'll see you tomorrow, Sophie. It was great running into you again."
I returned his smile and bent my head in his direction. "You too, Brent," I whispered and we headed off in opposite directions. My mind couldn't help but wonder if he looked back.
Twenty minutes later, I opened the door to our apartment and Leena rushed into me, wrapping her arms tightly around my shoulders. "Oh my gosh, you're okay!"
Oomph!
My feet stumbled back as I wrapped my arms around Leena to prevent myself from falling back "Uh, yeah?"
She glared at me and smacked my shoulder. "You had me worried sick! I got home and you weren't here when all you've done is sat on the couch for weeks! No note, no nothing! Todd said you were with him for a little bit, but that was like almost two hours ago!" She huffed and crossed her arms across her chest, staring me down. "Where were you after you parted with Todd?" She glanced down at the darker spots on her clothes and frowned. "And why are you wet?"
I held my hands up in mercy. "I was just sitting at the fountain. Todd dropped a bit of a bomb on me and I wanted to take some time to think about it and get fresh air."
Leena tilted her head slightly. "Okay, so that explains where you've been but did you do your thinking in the fountain? Like, you're frozen and soaked." She gestured her hands up and down the length of my body and my cheeks heated up. I didn't know how I was going to explain Brent to her. I wasn't sure I was even ready to explain Brent to her, which was weird. This was Leena and I had never kept stuff from her, but it seemed too soon. Things with Brent made everything more confusing right now.
"You're right. I am frozen and cold, so would you mind waiting until after I get changed to explain the rest?"
Leena sighed as dramatically as possible and plopped on the couch with a pout. "Fine, but make it speedy!"
I snorted at her theatrics and went into our room and stripped down. I grabbed my towel that I hung on the door handle and dried myself off, wrapping it around my head. Being bald really made a difference in how warm I felt. There was nothing there to radiate the heat coming out back toward me and it honestly gave me a bit of a headache. I'd have to invest in some hats until my hair grows out again. Walking over to a pile of my clothes on the floor, I wiggled my way into fleece pajamas and pulled my slipper socks over my feet. I closed my eyes and sighed contently, feeling the slight burn from my cold appendages warming up.
My feet walked backwards until I hit the edge of the bed and I sat down, playing with my fingers anxiously. How did I bring Brent up to Leena? After the Garrett fiasco, boys should not be on the radar, even as friends. It was too risky, but I had already agreed to meet him again tomorrow. I groaned and buried my face in my hands, resting my elbows on my thighs. What had I done? If I wanted to get a new phone, I should've just asked Leena to go with me, not some random guy I haven't seen in a year. He'd pull me into a trap, just like Garrett did and I didn't know if I'd be able to get out this time. I really didn't think this through. I threw myself back and stared at the ceiling, contemplating my options. If I just bailed on him completely, I'd be a complete bitch. Even if I never saw him again, I'd hold onto the guilt forever if he truly was a good guy. But then again, I'd never know. So why would I care? Another option is to keep with the plan and risk being kidnapped and held hostage for the rest of my measly life, but wouldn't he have done that at the fountain today? Maybe his intentions truly were pure. No. Bad Sophie. I released a defeated sigh and stared at the door. Leena wouldn't wait much longer and I needed a game plan. Maybe she could help me come up with one. Or maybe...
I pushed myself up onto my feet and walked out to meet Leena.
"Jeebus girl, it's about time!" She exclaimed, slightly exasperated.
I sighed and fell onto the couch next to her. "I know, I know. I just wasn't sure the best way to tell you what happened."
She quirked a brow in my direction. "That's not ominous at all, Soph. What happened? Were you attacked? Did somebody rob you? Did-"
"Leena, calm down," I interrupted her. "It wasn't anything bad, I promise. I just bumped into someone and lost my balance and I fell into the fountain. And that somebody happened to be someone we both know."
She tilted her head as confusion set firmly in her features. "I- what? Who do we both know besides Todd and Mary?"
I chewed on my lower lip. "You uh, remember that cute guy from the club?"
A dreamy look replaced the confusion in a heartbeat. "You mean Mike the bartender?" She threw her head back into the couch cushion. "God, how could anyone forget him!" She squealed and I nearly cringed from the pitch.
"No, the one who ogled me from across the bar."
She tilted her head and I saw the gears turning. "I vaguely remember who are talking about, but I can't put a name to his face. Brandon? Bradley?" She sat up straight and snapped her fingers. "Brent! I remember! You cheated on Garrett with him!"
My cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she mentioned the cheating. "It was just a small peck, and besides, Garrett wasn't worth my faithfulness at that point." Leena cringed and nodded slightly. "Anyway, yes. It was Brent."
Her eyes widened in response and she folded her legs under her, sitting back on her feet. "Holy crap, Sophie! What happened? Did you guys kiss again?"
I nearly choked on my own spit and shook my head hastily. "No! No, didn't even come close to that." Her face almost fell in disappointment, but she covered it up quickly. "He scared me and sent me into a panic attack. He sat next to me and helped me through it and we cleared the air as to why I never reached out," I said quietly. Leena grabbed my hand and gave it a soft squeeze. I offered her a smile and cleared my throat. "He offered to take me phone shopping tomorrow so I can get back in touch with the outside world."
Leena gasped and threw herself toward me and I flinched from the sudden movement. She grasped my shoulders and looked me in the eye. "Did you agree to it? Sophie, we don't know who this guy is, please tell me you didn't agree." I winced as I answered her with a nod. She groaned and leaned her upper body forward in defeat. "Sophie no! We can't have a repeat of Garrett!"
I held my hands up in a silent request for her to hear me out. "I know. I wasn't thinking at the time, except I knew it was a step forward and I needed that for myself. But when I was changing, I was brainstorming." She looked at me, impatiently waiting for me to continue. I removed her hands from my shoulder and held them in my own. "Leena, what if you came with? Then I don't have to be a bitch and ghost him, again, but he'd also be less likely to kidnap me if you're around too. It's a lot harder to get trapped the bigger your group is, yeah? And we'd be in public, lowering the chances further." Understanding crossed her face and she nodded slowly.
"I see where you're going with this. That idea I can support. When is this taking place?" She asked.
"Tomorrow. Noon. We agreed to meet back at the fountain."
"Then to the fountain we shall go!" She exclaimed with a confident smirk. Her expression sombered as she scoot forward so our knees touched, squeezing my hands. "Honestly Soph, I am so proud of you. I know that this past year has been one of the smelliest dumps the world has dropped for the both of us, but you're moving past it and I was so scared you wouldn't. Watching you the last few weeks, I wondered if you would ever start moving forward." Leena blinked away tears as she sniffed, staring directly into my eyes. "You are so strong and I am so happy to be able to be by your side during all of this. I love you, Sophie and I will make sure you won't fall as you climb back up."
As soon as her speech ended, I lunged forward and hugged her tightly, tears streaming down my face. "I love you too, Leena." She hugged me back, releasing her own tears and we cried together until neither of us had anything left. We were two traumatized souls holding each other up and it made it much easier to take the steps I needed to continue my journey. Once we calmed down, we gathered in the kitchen and filled our bowls with a variety of different ice cream flavors and sat back on the couch to watch stupid rom com's as we indulged our sorrows.
"You know," Leena broke the silence, her mouth still full. "You could probably have a cheesy rom com romance with Brent."
I scrunched my nose at the thought. "I don't know about that. This shit is pretty gooey. It's hard to think of romance looking like this in the real world."
"Weirder things have happened. I know you were definitely into him at the club. I bet you still are." She gave me a suggestive smirk and I kicked her in the thigh. "Ow! There is no need for violence!" She pointed her spoon at me, adding a playful glare to contribute to her act.
I snorted and inhaled another bite of ice cream. From how much food I had ingested today, I felt I was going to be sick. My body wasn't used to being full anymore, but I pushed through. I looked like I was made of spider legs, sharp jointed and rail thin. Funny how I dreamed of a flat stomach and less cellulite and now here I am dreaming of the opposite. After this, I will never complain of having being a healthy weight again, even if it didn't look how I wanted it to.
"I can't exactly say I wasn't tempted." I glanced at her in my peripheral vision. "And I know he was too." My cheeks grew red as I recalled him reaching toward me, but thinking better of it. I was sure he wanted to touch my face then, but knew it would freak me out.
Leena squealed and kicked her feet at my words. "It is so going to happen! I hope this Brent guy is as good as he seems, because I need this relationship to happen."
"Even though you were so against it at the club?" I teased and she whacked me with a pillow. I laughed.
"Shut up, girl! I was not about to let you practice infidelity. I am not with that, although maybe I would've been a little more okay with it if I knew what was going on behind closed doors."
I shrugged as I finished off my ice cream, setting the bowl on the coffee table. "It's okay. Next time, whoever it may be with, there will be no infidelity. I'm not with it either." I shook my head. "That was definitely a one time thing."
"Good!"
We continued chatting about potential future romances for the both of us, laughing about the unrealistic what if's. We talked about our dream guys, what they would look like, the expectations of how they would treat us. Leena's dream guy would definitely be challenging to find, but I'm sure if we looked hard enough, we'd find him. My list was simple; opposite of Garrett. Someone who treated me with respect, who treated me as a partner instead of a slave. The Garrett I saw before he took control of my being. He was out there and I knew when the time was right, I'd find him. But right now, I needed to work on myself and heal from the trauma. I'd be a terrible romantic partner in the mind space I was stuck in right now.
"Hey." I looked at Leena as she furrowed her brows suddenly. "You mentioned Todd dropped a bomb on you before you fell into the fountain. What exactly did he drop?"
I had totally forgotten about that, and I was kind of glad. That was a heavy load to consider right now, but maybe she could add some insight. "Well, he took me to lunch and told me him and Mary were expanding. They bought a place across town to turn into another Book Nook." Her eyes widened in shock.
"Wow, really? That's so exciting for them!"
I laughed with a nod. "Yeah. But, he asked me to run it for them."
Leena went silent and chewed the inside of her cheek. "I mean, how do you feel about that?"
I shrugged and looked down at the couch. "I'm conflicted. It's not the route I saw my life going, as you know. But he mentioned a separate space in the store where I could pursue my love for geology in whatever way I could manage. Either sell minerals there or turn it into a museum type deal and teach people, and I love that he has that as an option for me." I chuckled. "And I do love books too."
"Yeah, but across town? You'd have to move to make it doable," she mentioned matter-of-factly. I met her gaze, telling her what she knew deep down. Her shoulders slumped. "I guess staying her wouldn't be the best option for you anyway. I didn't even..." She trailed off and I shook my head.
"Don't beat yourself up. Honestly, I feel like you shouldn't stay here either. There's too much darkness surrounding this place. Maybe we should look at getting a two bedroom place and being roommates." I shrugged and smiled as I saw Leena brighten up.
"Oh my gosh, Sophie that would be awesome!" She gasped excitedly and slapped my knees like they were a bongo drum. "You would be running a business, I have a car for transportation so I can commute to my job still, and we'd have a fresh new start. And heck, cheaper rent splitting it with someone else!"
I went to interject how a two bedroom would be more expensive and we'd be paying about the same amount, but I couldn't ruin her happiness in this moment. I'd break it to her another day. "So, we're good with this place?"
"Uh, yeah! Only if you're good with Todd's idea," she said, gesturing toward me.
I chewed my lip, contemplating. He said there was no rush, which would be a bonus for me. I would need time to figure out how to integrate the minerals with the store, but I think it would be worth a shot. If it didn't work out, I didn't see Todd getting horribly upset. He was too supportive for that. Holy shit, I was going to go through with this. I looked at Leena and nodded, a big smile crossing her face. I couldn't help it as one spread on mine as well to match. "Sophie we're doing this!"
I laughed. "We're doing this!" We both squealed in excitement and hugged each other. We talked for about an hour about decorating plans for our future new apartment we hadn't even found yet, new furniture we would need. All my stuff was abandoned at Garrett's and I had no desire to get it back. New start, new things. Leena had most of the general furniture we would need, but we would need to hunt down a bedroom set for me. Luckily, there were thrift stores and I wasn't entirely picky, except when it came to mattresses. No one like a shitty mattress. As our movie came to an end, we decided it was time for bed. It was already nearing one in the morning and we had a big day trying not to get kidnapped tomorrow as we integrated me back into society. I climbed into the bed after Leena and sighed, the pressure being relieved from my joints as I sunk into the mattress.
"Goodnight, Sophie. I'm glad you're okay and I worried for nothing today."
I chuckled. "Goodnight, Leena. Thank you for worrying for nothing today."
She snorted and plugged in her phone before getting settled for the night. After a few minutes of silence, Leena's breath evened out and I knew she was asleep. I stared at the ceiling, playing out plans for the future like a movie through my mind. I smiled at how bright it looked for the first time in a while. Everything was falling into place and it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Now to hope everything goes smoothly tomorrow so we could see those plans through. I turned onto my belly and hugged my pillow, letting my eyes fall closed.
I slept through the night.
ns 15.158.61.8da2
