I know....I know, you don't need me.
You don't want me.
I know.
At least that's what I told myself as I brushed my teeth, practicing my later conversation to the mirror for my crush that I needed to get over. She doesn't want me, she doesn't need me, she doesn't love me, I recited those sentences throughout my daily routine to see her again as a 'friend'; nothing more, and hopefully, nothing less.
I walked the miles, I payed for the transit, just to see you smile at my cheesy jokes and compliments. You'll never like me like that, deep down in me I knew you never would, so why.
Why did I tell you?
Why did I ruin everything, or was it all in my head?
I pushed the thought out of my mind and saw her. She was happy, and happy to see me.
I felt better since then; so, so much better.
A few weeks later I visited her house, just on a whim to check up on her, to make sure she were okay.
"Hello?" I asked as I opened the door hesitantly. No one answered. I walked stealthily throughout the house and thought of how she'd react to it.
Lol, you're so silly haha.
Hehe, you're so weird sometimes.
I walked farther into the house and heard the sound of faint crying. I turned and headed towards it. It was the bathroom.
"Hello?" I asked oncemore while I approached the room. I heard choked sobs and shuffling footsteps, but no words. Nothing I knew from sound. Nothing to tell me anything.
I opener the door and saw her bent over the sink, blood seeping out of her right arm like a lie, warm and blinding at first, but hurtful and wrong anyway. She had a cloth, desperately trying to get rid of the blood; an almost sickeningly pink razor lay on the floor, and she was crying but trying to hold it back like the blood that just won't stop, it won't stop.
"I...I'm sorry....I'm so sorry....I'm so sorry......I'm sorry....." she mumbled over and over again with sniffles and tears inbetween each.
I reacted slightly off time, but when I did, I pulled off my jacket and wrapped it tightly around her damaged arm.
"Fuck..." i whispered under my breath and dialed 911 as soon as possible. I told them all I could say before hanging up to comfort her. I love her, even if she never will I will always do what I can for her because I love her. Even if I didn't, no one ever, ever deserves this.
I pulled her to the ground, onto my lap and embraced her as warmly as I could while she cried into my shoulder and neck.
"Shhh,shhh," i said gently, "It's okay."
"No...no it's not."
"Yeah it is see," i gestured to myself.
"I am here now; and I won't ever leave, because I need you."
She nodded and then either passed out or started to sleep on my lap, I couldn't tell.
Ths paramedics came soon and took her, and I drove to the ER to stay with her until I couldn't.
She woke up the next day and said I was the bestest friend anyone could ever have.
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