"I hate you!"
My daughter's words cut deep into my heart, and I staggered under the weight of them. Her blond curls bobbed as she shook in fury, her tiny hands balled into tight fists at her side. She glared at me with an anger and a hatred I never wanted to see in her eyes. "I hate you and I never want to see you again!"
"Sweetheart..." I said, my heart dropping at the continued sting of her words. I took a step towards her, my arms outstretched to offer her a hug.
She stepped backwards and yelled louder, as if trying to push me away with the force of her voice. "No!" Tears streaked down her face, and she wiped her nose on the back of her sleeve. "You missed it! You always miss everything!"
Other parents ushered their children past as I waited for my daughter's temper tantrum to calm, feeling like crying myself. Ignoring the hushed, judging whispers around me, I knelt down and focused all my attention on the light of my life. She wore a pretty pink dress that shimmered in the light, with sparkles in the puffy skirt. The large bow was falling out of her hair, an unfortunate victim of her lively dancing earlier. The tears left strange steaks down her freckled cheeks, and her eyes had turned red from the strain of crying. She sniffled and wiped her nose on the back of her sleeve again. I sighed and took a few awkward steps toward her, fumbling in my pocket for a tissue.
"Clarissa, please. I know it's been hard since Mom left," I said, gently wiping her nose with the tissue. She didn't meet my concerned gaze, but stood quietly crying with a pout on her face. "And you know that sometimes, I can't be there for things. But I will always try."
"But you promised," she whined, her voice barely more than a whisper.
"I know, Rissy," I sighed inwardly, pocketing the tissue and taking her face in my hands, "and I'm sorry."
She leaned away from my touch and wiped at her nose again with the back of her hand. "Was there a fire?" she asked.
I nodded. "There was. A big one."
Rissy finally looked into my eyes, and I saw the sadness and disappointment more clearly than I could before. I really had hurt her bad.
I blinked back tears, cursing my job and my choices that had caused my angel so much pain.
"I'm so sorry, sweetheart..." I choked out the words, "... but I am here now."
Rissy sniffled one last time and looked at me, confused.
I put my hands on her shoulders. "I am here now."
"But the recital's over."
Pulling away from her, I looked around. Only a few staff members remained, cleaning up the hall from their guests. They didn't seem to be paying much attention to us.
"Why don't you show me your dance here?" I offered, standing up and holding my arms out dramatically, emphasising the huge space we had available.
My daughter grew shy, looking away. "But I can't do it alone, and there's no music..."
"Then we'll have our own dance recital!"
Taking out my phone, I quickly put on the first upbeat song I could find in my playlists and turned the volume all the way up. Then I put my phone on a nearby table and danced.
My ex-wife had told me that I had two left feet and no one should ever see me dance, but I didn't care. Some of the cleaning staff stared and chuckled to themselves, but I didn't notice. I was completely focused on Rissy, who was trying to stay upset with me as I danced like a maniac.
Eventually a smile broke out on her face, a gap-toothed grin of pure happiness. A giggle escaped her throat. "You're being silly!" she pronounced.
My response was to scoop her up and dance with her in my arms.
"I can't always promise I can make it to your big events, sweetie," I whispered into her ear as we danced, "and I don't know when I'm going to be called away to work. But I can promise you that we will make the most of when I am here with you, just like right now. I love you."
"I love you too, Daddy," she whispered back, and my heart soared.
I kissed her forehead gently, and on we danced.
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