~Demi's POV - FIVE YEARS LATER~
With every breath, my stomach clenches into a sphere of solid ice that threatens to shred my body apart from the inside out. My eyes shift from one block of engraved stone to the next rapidly, as if the quick movements will whisk away the hot tears stinging the back of my eyes. I curse myself for being so emotional, remind myself that it has been five years. I don't even know why I bother looking for the grave anymore when I know exactly where it is.
A light drizzle of rain washes out the normally vibrant hues of the sunset sky. Dark clouds obscure the yellow ball in the sky, and I know that a storm will soon hit. I can only hope that I make it back home before it does.
A bird, startled, flies away when I approach the stone, allowing me to place a small bouquet of light blue hydrangeas on the grave. Blue is supposedly a color that represents peace, openness, and serenity.
Peace for how I feel now, five years later. I've made peace with what happened that day; I've made peace with everything that I lost and with everything that I gained. The immense guilt that I felt when the casket was lowered into the ground and topped with shovel after shovel of soil is now nothing but a slight tugging nag in the back of my mind. Most importantly, I've made peace with myself.
Openness for the future, for everything that I've gained, and will continue to gain, since the funeral. I welcome the future now that guilt is no longer suffocating me and holding me back.
Serenity for all of the little moments. No longer do I fear quiet moments; no longer are my quiet moments tainted by memories of what should have, could have, or would have been. No longer are my quiet moments haunted by demons telling me that I deserve to feel guilty, that I'm the reason everything happened like it did, that the blood of a dead lover tarnishes my hands.
When my hair is wet enough to stick to the back of my neck, and when my fingers are numb from tracing the engraving on the stone, I rise from my crouched position with a deep, lingering sigh. The rain is no longer a light drizzle, and I know I must hurry if I want to be back in the warm safety of my home before the storm hits.
Walking out of the graveyard, I smile when I remember that I will be having a visitor this evening. I walk faster to my car, eager to catch up with the familiar face.
~
"Please, for the love of all things good in this world, tell me that you have real food here. I've been living off of ramen noodles and frozen pizzas."
I laugh as the eighteen year old, blue-eyed blonde groans and dramatically collapses onto my couch, acting as if she's going to drop dead from starvation this very second.
"I was thinking about breakfast for dinner?" I suggest, and she immediately perks up into an actual sitting position.
"As long as we have pancakes, I'm sold."
"Why are we discriminating against waffles, though?" Another voice interjects, entering the living room with numerous bags hanging off of each arm. "And fucking hell, did you pack enough? I feel like my arms are going to snap off."
The girl on my couch rolls her eyes as the bags are dropped onto the floor. "I brought everything that was in my dorm; they need to clean the rooms while we're on break. You should maybe consider joining a gym." She smiles sweetly, innocently, at the glare she receives, and I chuckle. "And, just for the record, pancakes are better than waffles."
"You don't even like syrup, so your opinion is irrelevant."
"I put peanut butter on them!" she defends, ignoring the scowl of disgust.
"That's disgusting, Kelsie."
Kelsie narrows her eyes. "That's rich coming from the same guy who, when we were little, used to pick up snow as we walked around the city and eat it."
He clucks his tongue. "I was really young and really thirsty, okay?"
"Whatever you say, snow-eater." Kelsie smirks, and he looks at me with a pitiful expression.
I hold my hands up in mock defense. "You're on your own here, babe."
"I'm going to go put all of my bags in one of the guest bedrooms," Kelsie announces, jumping to her feet and grabbing her many bags up off the floor.
"Are you going to take a shower before we eat?" I ask as she starts up the stairs.
She looks over her shoulder at me and shakes her head. "I'll just take one after. Plus, I want to know more about this news that he mentioned in the car."
I look at my love with raised eyebrows as the young girl retreats up the stairs. "What exactly did you tell her about our news?" I ask once I hear Kelsie's door click shut and both him and I are seated on the couch.
He shrugs. "I told her that it was bad."
"Banner!" I slap his shoulder, trying to withhold my laughter so that he doesn't think I'm amused. "Why would you tell her that?"
"Because if you think about it, it could be bad news. It changes our lives forever, completely flips them upside down," I roll my eyes at his dramatics; like brother, like sister apparently, "and our news is really, really expensive."
"What happened to me being the popstar worth twenty million?"
"You scored two Grammys and skyrocketed your worth, but that's not my point."
I hum. "What is your point then?"
"My point," he links our fingers together, then kisses the back of my hand, "is that we tease her, a bit, about our news because it will be hilarious." With each word, he places one kiss on my skin, creating a trail up my arm with his lips. "Do you think she'll be surprised?" he murmurs against my neck.
"Not if you keep acting like this." My words sound breathless even to my own ears, and I can't even stop my eyes from fluttering close as his lips descend on a sweet spot on my neck. "You're making it blatantly obvious."
"Oh, please." He chuckles and leans back so that he's looking at my face. "I love my sister, but she's nowhere near clever enough to equate me kissing you to the news that we have to tell her."
"I heard that, you asshole," Kelsie says, walking in front of the couch to get to the sofa chair - but not without smacking the back of Banner's head first. "And, god, would you two get a room so that my innocent eyes can remain innocent?"
"Last time I checked, Kels, the living room is a room." He smirks at her unamused facial expression. "Well, I thought my response was genius."
"You're the only one," she flatly says. "Now, what kind of news have I been waiting to hear?"
"Well, I already told you it's bad news," Banner reminds, and I subtly roll my eyes. "What do you think the news is?"
I watch, concerned, as Kelsie's forehead creases and her eyebrows furrow. Her lips purse as her eyes become glassy. She's honestly about to cry, all because of Banner's stupid teasing.
"Banner," I start, but Kelsie cuts me off.
"Is your cancer back?" she whispers, causing my stomach to clench and sink, and for my eyes to widen.
"What?" Banner gasps. "No, god no, Kelsie. Why would you even think that?"
"You said bad news!"
"I know," he groans, "but is that honestly the first thing that comes to mind when you think of bad news? I've been in complete remission for two years, Kels."
"It's good news, Kelsie," I hastily interject. "Banner's just being a dick."
Kelsie, with her face in her palms, laughs before looking at us. "So, good news? Can I get a hint?"
"It changes our lives forever and is really, really expensive," I mock Banner, then kiss his cheek when he feigns an annoyed pout.
"We're going to be here all night just waiting for Kelsie to guess correctly," he jokes before standing up and heading for the kitchen. "I'm getting a water. Either of you want anything?"
"Can you bring me one of my smoothies, please?" I ask, then realize that Kelsie is just staring at me with a grin lighting up her face. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"I think I know what you guys are trying to tell me." Her grin widens as Banner returns to his seat beside me, hands me my bottled smoothie, and opens his own drink. "Really expensive news that changes lives forever? Am I going to be an aunt?"
I can't help but to laugh as her question causes Banner to choke on his water.
"Why are you laughing?" he manages to wheeze out before another coughing fit steals his voice.
"Did you not just see your reaction?"
"Kelsie, you are so terribly wrong and horrible at this guessing game."
"You make it sound as if my guess is not even possible!" she whines.
"That's because it kind of isn't."
"Would you quit messing with her?" I roll my eyes at his antics. "You make it sound as if your sex life is nonexistent when I know-"
"I really do not need to hear about my brother and his girlfriend..." Kelsie trails off with a dramatic shudder.
"Well, technically, I'm not his girlfriend anymore."
"And, no, we didn't break up," Banner adds with an eye roll upon seeing Kelsie's confused and worried expression.
"Then what happened?"
"Let me ask you this," I begin with a crooked smile, "how would you react to being my sister-in-law?"
"Shut up," she softly breathes with a slack jaw and wide eyes. "Are you two seriously getting married? Show me the ring!" I chuckle at her eager tone and excited squealing, holding out my left hand where my engagement ring proudly glistens in the light. "It's so pretty! My brother actually did something right in his life for once!" I snort as Banner scoffs, then, to my surprise, Kelsie looks at me with tears in her eyes. Before I can ever ask what's wrong, she says, "mom and dad would have loved you, Demi."
Forcing back tears of my own, I wrap my arms around her tightly. "Thank you, sweetheart," I whisper into her ear.
When we eventually break apart, she wipes away her tears and rises to her feet. "I'm going to go unpack my bags before I start totally bawling. Let me know when dinner's ready."
"She's right, y'know," Banner says once Kelsie's upstairs. "My parents - they would have loved you. I remember when I was sixteen, I think, and I brought home this girl whose appearance, grades, language, everything, basically screamed 'hey, I'm a teenage delinquent who is going to ruin your son's life'." I laugh at the mental image and at the fact that Banner actually had somewhat of a rebellious streak. He smiles as he continues his spiel. "My parents were not thrilled to meet her, to say the least, especially my mom. She was one of those moms who had an open door only policy, so I couldn't have a girl in my room with the door closed."
"Let me guess, you had that girl in your room with the door closed."
He nods sheepishly. "Our shirts had just ended up on the floor when I heard Kelsie running down the hall screaming 'mom, Banner and Dracula's daughter are in his room having sex with the door closed'." I laugh loudly at both his words and how his cheeks flush a bright shade of red. "And she was only, like, nine at the time, so I didn't even realize she knew the word 'sex' existed, let alone how to use it in a sentence. When the girl left, my parents immediately made it clear on what they wanted me to find attractive in a girl."
"And what was that?"
"That she has to love and respect herself enough to call me out on my bullshit." He kisses me, silencing my giggles. "That she has to act like she's a member of the family, no matter how crazy we may seem. That she has to be capable of fighting her own battles since I'm not always going to be there to protect her. And, most importantly, she has to be strong enough, not to tell me when our relationship is all sunshine and rainbows, but to tell me when our relationship is on the verge of crumbling underneath us."
I grin at him before returning my lips to his in a long, slow burning kiss that I hope shows how grateful I am to know that his parents would have not only approved of me, but loved me as well. When air being a priority finally breaks us apart, I lean against his chest so that I clearly hear his steady heartbeat in my ear - a reminder that he's actually here with me still.
"I would have loved to meet them," I murmur with a soft sigh, and he kisses the crown of my head.
"I think Kelsie and I turned out okay," he jokes.
I fall silent, focusing on his heartbeat. Just remembering how it stopped beating that day five years ago, how the beeping of his heart monitor formed a horrific monotone, how the jumping green lines on the screen suddenly fell flat, causes tears to sting my eyes and blur my vision.
"Hey," he tilts my chin so that I'm looking into his eyes, "what's wrong?" He uses the pad of his thumb to catch a tear that escapes my eye.
"I lost you that day," I choke out, and I can feel his entire body tense. "You flat lined on me. That was the scariest moment of my entire life."
He wraps his arms around me tighter and murmurs gentle words of reassurance into my ear. "I'm here today. I'm not going anywhere, Dems." We're silent for another long moment before he breaks it. "You visited Adaliah's grave today, didn't you? I feel like I should read her letter again."
"Do you want to now?"
He shakes his head. "I'll read it tonight, after Kelsie's asleep."
I've read the letter so many times in the past five years that I swear I have it memorized.
Dear Banner,
With the help of one of the nurses in the ICU, I am writing this letter to you to express my immense relief and gratitude. If I was in your position, I wouldn't believe my words, but it's true. I'm relieved and grateful for your existence. You've given Demi a love that is impenetrable, even by death. It's been a long time since I've seen her so happy, and you're the cause of her happiness. At first, it angered me that you were giving her the happiness that I couldn't provide. She's the only person that I have ever loved, and it killed me to know that she no longer felt the same way. I should have died immediately after sending that knife through my chest, and I know that my time is running out, but I feel like I was granted this one day in the ICU to help you. When you told me about your cancer, I knew it was a death sentence not only for you, but for Demi as well. It's obvious that she wouldn't be able to live without you now. She loves you, Banner; she truly does, and I am so sorry that I ever tried to make you think otherwise. I couldn't sit back and watch Demi hurt like that; I couldn't let her happiness die. That's why you're reading this today. Again, I don't have a lot of time, so I'm going to try to make this quick - the knife just barely avoided hitting a vital artery, giving me just enough time to live one more day and write this. I highly doubt that I'll be given more time than that; I don't deserve it. But you do. I can't help with the surgery that you need - the risky one you were telling me about - but I hope you go through with it when your doctor tells you that there's a liver available for your transplant. I am donating my liver to you, so that you can spend the rest of your life with her. Give her the love and respect that I couldn't. Treat every moment with her like it's your last because you never really know when your hourglass might run out of sand. I promise you that she's worth it.
All my love and luck,
Adaliah
"I never thought I'd say this," Banner's voice tears me away from my thoughts, "but I wish I could thank her somehow."
"I think she already knows, baby, wherever she is."
"She gave me a lifetime with you. Even if I could, how do you pay someone back for that?"
"You live every moment like it's your last."
There's another stretch of silence until he gets the bright idea to lift me up into his arms bridal style.
"What are you doing?" I squeal as he carries me towards our bedroom.
"This is how I have to carry you away from the altar, right? Consider this practice."
"If you drop me, Banner, I swear-"
"Relax." He chuckles. "I'm not going to drop you."
After placing me on our bed as if I'm some kind of fragile china doll, he closes the door and sits beside me.
"Why did you bring me all the way in here?" I ask teasingly, laughter underlying my tone. However, he looks deep in thought. Staring at the floor, chin in his hands, not even looking up when I speak. Not bothering to respond either. "You okay?" I bump his shoulder with mine gently, and, when I still receive no reply, I stand and approach the large window.
The rain is really pouring now. The sky is dark and ominous, and wind yanks large tree branches around effortlessly. A slow rumble of thunder morphs into a booming crescendo that has me jumping back from the window with a yelp and returning to my safe haven beside Banner. With my hand pressed against my chest in a futile attempt to calm my racing heart, I snap at him when I notice his staring.
"We've been a part of each other's life for five years now, yet I still have no idea how or why you're so terrified of thunder," he explains.
"It's a really stupid reason," I mutter, surprised that I never mentioned it to him, yet knowing that I never really wanted him to find out.
"Try me."
I sigh again and toy with my fingers, feeling ashamed and maybe even a tiny bit self-conscious. "Adaliah and I had our first argument in our car during a really bad thunderstorm. It's a really stupid reason, I know, but that argument crushed my hopes and dreams for us as a couple. That argument was the first time she accused me of cheating on her, with our nineteen year old neighbor of all people. Thunderstorms just remind me of that day, I guess, and how much she hurt me with just her accusing words."
"I don't think that's a stupid reason at all, Dems. I think it actually makes a lot of sense."
I nod to myself, welcoming the relief that floods my veins due to his comforting words. "Now that I confessed to you, what were you in deep thought about just then?"
It's his turn to sigh as he shifts his eyes away from me. "I brought you in here because I didn't want Kelsie to hear me ask you this."
My eyebrows raise in curiosity and amusement. "You do realize that she's an adult now, right?"
"She'll always be my little sister, but that's not what I meant. I just know she'd freak out if she were to hear me."
"Okay...so what are you asking?"
"What she said earlier got me thinking..." He finally returns his eyes to mine, his gaze now intense and serious. "Do you...want kids?"
"Do you want kids?"
I'm relieved to see a smile cut through his newfound seriousness. "You know that doesn't answer my question."
"Well, I'm not answering until you answer."
Shaking his head, he walks over to my desk and retrieves two pens and two pieces of notebook paper from one of the drawers. He hands one piece of paper and one pen to me, then sits so that his back is facing me.
"You can't be serious right now. Such a serious topic, yet we're treating it like some game show."
I can see his shoulders slightly shake from barely restrained laughter. "Just write down your answer." Rolling my eyes, I uncap my pen and write a one syllable word onto the paper. "Ready?"
"Sure."
We place our sheets of paper on the bed behind us, then glance at each other's for comparison. They both say the exact same answer.
"Yeah, Dems, my mom would have really loved you." He looks at me with such admiration that I almost want to cry. "She was always telling us how, now that she had her one boy and her one girl, she couldn't wait to become a grandmother."
"I hope that, wherever she may be now, she's perfectly okay with us waiting until we say 'I do'."
"I'm sure she'd have no objections."
He kisses me briefly before I link our fingers together and lead us to the kitchen, so we can get started on the breakfast for dinner menu.
"You know what else I think my mother would love?" he wonders as I'm preparing the pancake batter.
"That I'm finally getting the hang of cooking?" I joke, and he shakes his head with a laugh.
"That we fell in love at first sight."
"But we didn't."
He arches an eyebrow. "You don't think so?"
"You didn't even recognize me."
"Okay, true..." he trails off, looking deep in thought once again. "What about - we fell in love right on the dot of midnight."
My nose scrunches up. "That doesn't sound romantic at all."
"You sure are difficult to please, aren't you?" He sighs in mock disapproval, and I stick my tongue out at him as Kelsie joins us around the center island.
"Do you need any help with the pancakes, Demi?"
"No, sweetheart, I think I'm good. Did you get everything unpacked?"
"Yup," she chirps, "and I even found something that I forgot to give Banner."
Banner arches a questioning eyebrow. "You got me a present?"
She nods. "Do you love Demi?"
"What does that have to do with my present?"
"Just answer the question."
"I love Demi more than anything or anyone else on this entire planet."
"Aw!" Kelsie coos. "That would have been really sweet if I wasn't your sister, you idiot. Am I the equivalence of dirt to you?"
"I seriously can't win with you."
"Demi, do you love Banner?"
"Kelsie, I love your brother so much that I can't imagine my life without him right by my side."
"I should have said something poetic like that," Banner mutters, and I giggle.
"Fantastic," Kelsie says with a nod. "Banner, here's your present."
She plops a brown, fluffy blob onto the marbled counter of the island.
"Is that...is that a monkey stuffed animal?" I hesitantly question.
With a grin, Banner scoops up the plush toy then looks at me. "Before I met you, Kelsie jokingly told me that if I could get Demi Lovato to fall in love with me, she would buy me a monkey."
"And real monkeys are illegal to own as pets, so that was the best I could do," Kelsie adds with a shrug.
"That is so cheesy and so cute!" I awe.
"Well, I try," Kelsie smirks. A comfortable silence follows before she looks at Banner with raised eyebrows and asks, "Why are you just standing there, doing nothing, while your girlfriend does all of the work?"
"Fiancé," I correct with a chuckle.
"Right. Sorry. Does it sound weird to you, too?"
"A little bit, honestly. I think I'm still getting used to it."
"Well, I love it," Banner informs.
I roll my eyes. "Of course you do."
"Kels, make yourself useful and get the eggs and turkey sausage and whatever else you want from the fridge."
Kelsie stares at her brother with an agape mouth before complying, grumbling under her breath the entire way.
I'm just about to pour the pancake batter into a hot pan when his arms snake around my waist from behind.
"You're trying to get one of us burned," I tease.
He rests his chin on my shoulder, his lips just barely brushing against my ear, and murmurs, "we fell in love at the kiss of midnight."308Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqDvadLFOQ
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