"Please, Banner!"
"No."
"Please!"
"No, Kelsie."
"Why not?"
"Because it's not traditional."
"It can become the new tradition," She insists in a whiny tone.
I finish hanging a red, glittery ornament on the Christmas tree before looking at her. She wears an adorable puppy dog face-complete with the wide eyes, batting eyelashes, and quivering bottom lip-, and in her hands she holds a picture of Demi Lovato's face.
"I thought Demi had blonde hair," I observe, eyeing the picture of her idol now sporting neon blue hair.
Kelsie rolls her eyes as if I'm the dumbest person on the face of this planet.
"She dyed it, Banner," She explains in a 'duh' tone.
"Doesn't she dye it, like, every week?"
She stares blankly at me.
"It's her way of expressing herself. She says it has something to do with being bipolar. Now, can we please put her photo on top of the tree?"
"Why?" I sigh, reaching into the cardboard box at my feet for another ornament.
I dangle a glittery icicle from my index finger, mentally cursing my mom for loving her glitter.
"Because the star has to be at the top of the tree."
I shoot her a deadpan look. She saucily juts out her right hip causing me to arch an eyebrow.
"The angel has to be at the top of the tree," She tries.
I glance again at the picture. I'm not denying that Demi is incredibly sexy, but there is no way in hell I'm letting my sister put a picture of the woman's head atop our Christmas tree.
"You're considering it, aren't you?" Kels smirks.
"Nope," I reply, popping the "P".
As she huffs, I chuckle, placing the icicle onto the tree.
"I hate you so much right now, Banner."
"You'll love me tomorrow," I chime.
"What? Why?" She wonders, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion and suspicion.
"Oh, nothing," I dismiss with a wave of my hand.
"Tell me!" She squeals, locking my arm in a death grip, causing a green ornament to fall from my grasp.
Her eyes widen as the ornament smashes onto the floor.
"You better be damn lucky it's shatterproof," I tell her, bending down to pick up the glossy decoration.
"If you would've just told me why you think I'll love you tomorrow-"
"Just put Demi's picture on top of the tree, and help me finish decorating," I interrupt.
She squeals again, moving forward to hug me, but I hold my hand up.
"Let me put the ornament on the tree first, then you can hug me."
I move very slowly, hanging the ornament precisely on the small branch. I resist the urge to smirk as Kelsie impatiently huffs.
"Finished," I announce.
She engulfs me in a tight hug, which I return with a chuckle. She backs out of the hug first. I move forward to pick her up, but she steps back.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm trying to lift you up, so you can put Demi's picture on top of the tree."
She bows her head, her cheeks turning the same color as the red ornament.
"I don't want to hurt you," She whispers, almost inaudibly.
I can literally feel my heart shattering, much like the green ornament would if it hadn't been shatterproof. She thinks that she's heavy, therefore, she thinks that I'll be in pain when I lift her up. In reality, she's as light as a feather, which constantly worries me.
"Kels," I croak, cupping her cheek with my palm.
I nudge her head up. Her glassy blue orbs silently beg for help that I can't provide. She's only fourteen; she shouldn't have to be going through the shit that she's going through. She shouldn't have two dead parents. She shouldn't have a brother who's lying to her about his forthcoming death. She shouldn't be so unhappy with herself that she feels as if she has to starve her body. She shouldn't be so depressed that she feels as if she has to slice her own flesh open to be able to feel something other than a numb sensation.
"I promise you won't hurt me. You're as light as a feather, baby-girl," I reassure, my voice cracking as the thickness of oncoming tears build up in my throat.
Her gaze shifts away from my face, towards the tree that I know she's not looking at. A lone tear slides down her cheek. I watch as the tear clings to her chin before catching air, splattering onto her shirt-much like mine did during the Nightingale song-, leaving behind a red trail on her cheek. More tears form in her eyes, moistening her eyelids as they await to fall. I bring her into me, wrapping my arms around her small, bony frame as she sobs into my shirt.
"Shh," I coo, stroking her brown hair. "It's all going to be okay."
I don't know whether I believe my own words or not, but I silently hope that they hold true. I think, in the end, Kelsie will turn out alright. Regardless of whether or not I'll be physically standing beside her throughout it all, I'll definitely be with her. I gently lift her up, almost letting a startled gasp slip past my lips as I feel how light weight she is.
"Isn't there a song by Demi called lightweight?" I wonder, desperately wanting to bring a smile to her face again.
"Yeah," She quietly replies, positioning Demi's picture on top of the tree.
I wrack my brain for the lyrics, hoping the ones that I'm thinking of are right.
"The slightest words you said have all gone to my head. I hear angels sing in your voice," I sing despite my horrible skills.
She giggles. I, beaming at her, pass her a strand of silver, glittery ribbon.
"When you pull me close, feelings I've never known. They mean everything and leave me no choice," I continue to sing as she secures the picture down with the ribbon. "Light on my heart, light on my feet, light in your eyes, I can't even speak. Do you even know how you make me weak?"
I return her to the floor, grinning at her smile.
"That's a pretty sappy song, isn't it?" I question with a smirk.
She playfully rolls her eyes.
"If by sappy you mean beautiful, emotional, and raw, then yes, yes it is a sappy song."
Now it's my turn to playfully roll my eyes.
"Okay little miss 'Lovatic," I taunt, poking her sides.
She giggles and squirms. I laugh, lurching forward to tickle her. Her loud laughter rings throughout the otherwise silent house.
"S-stop, B-Banner!" She yells.
I laugh before releasing her. She inhales mouthfuls of air.
"You're so dramatic," I tease, sticking my tongue out at her.
"You're the one acting like a five year old," She retorts, her eyes sparkling with the light that I have missed so much.
"At least I'm capable of acting like a five year old," I rebut in a childish voice, crossing my arms over my chest.
"That makes no sense!" She exclaims, smacking my bicep.
"Ouch," I feign hurt, rubbing my arm.
"Aw, is the poor baby hurt?" She smirks.
"Do you want me to tickle you again?"
Her eyes widen before she dashes in the other direction.
I chase her throughout our small, one-story home, relishing in the almost foreign sounds of my her laughter and squeals of happiness.
I wake up the next morning to the smell of bacon cooking. I think nothing of it and shut my eyes, willing my body to go back to sleep.
"Banner, get your lazy ass up! It's Christmas!" Kelsie screams.
Startled, I snap my eyes open. It is then that my groggy brain registers what she said. It's Christmas! I throw back my duvet, jump out of bed, and practically run to the kitchen. Kelsie looks up from the pan of bacon and laughs at me.
"Go get ready while I finish your breakfast," She orders.
I don't bother commenting on how she implied that I'll be the only one receiving breakfast. I don't want to fight with her over eating on Christmas. Returning to my room, I scour the many piles of clothes on my floor in search of something clean. Wrinkling my nose upon inhaling the stench of a green polo shirt, I chuck it into what is supposed to be my dirty clothes pile. I find some dark wash jeans that have a couple of holes from years of wear. Making sure the jeans are clean, I toss them onto my bed. I continue to search for a shirt. A flash of bright pink causes me to pick up a tee-shirt that reads 'Don't laugh, it's your girlfriend's shirt' in bold, black letters. I hesitantly bring the shirt up to my nose, breathing a sigh of relief when I realize it's clean. Grabbing the jeans, my shirt, and a pair of boxers, I enter the bathroom. I remove a towel from the cabinet underneath the sink, swapping the towel out for my clothes, and set the towel on the corner of the porcelain sink. I turn the hot water on for the shower and strip out of my pajamas as steam swirls, fogging up the mirror. I step underneath the spraying water with no hesitation, letting the searing heat beat down upon my body. I mercilessly scrub my scalp with my shampoo and conditioner covered fingers. I scrub my body with my sponge covered in Old Spice until my flesh turns lobster red and raw. I shut the water off and step out of the shower. I hover over the sink and swipe the fogged up mirror with the palm of my hand. I stare at my reflection in the mirror, noticing bruises that weren't there yesterday. A ring of light bruising wraps around my body from where Kelsie hugged me yesterday. A bruise also is on my bicep from where she smacked me.
"Dammit," I curse, eyeing the ugly bruises.
I know it's not Kelsie's fault. Me becoming more susceptible to bruising is just a side effect of the cancer. With a sigh, I ruffle my hair with the towel. I get dressed, hook the used towel around the shower curtain rail, and exit the bathroom, letting the steam waft out of the tiny room.
"Took you long enough," Kelsie mutters, sliding a plate across the dining room table.
I dryly laugh, claiming a seat at the table. Kelsie hands me a fork. I scoop a forkful of eggs, the fork tines scrapping the plate.
"Can you try to eat something without purging it back up?" I question. "Even if it's just half of an apple," I add.
Avoiding my gaze, Kelsie silently opens the fridge. I listen as she rummages through the drawers where we keep the fresh fruit. She shuts the refrigerator door with a peach in hand.
"Wash it off first," I softly order.
She runs tap water over the piece of fruit for what seems like forever. She claims the seat in front of me. I swallow my forkful of eggs, watching and waiting for her to take a bite. She hesitantly takes a small bite of the fruit and slowly chews. I spear a sausage link with my fork. She swallows as I am shoveling another forkful of eggs into my mouth. I can't help but smile, even though she's paying me no mind. To my surprise, she takes another bite with only a slight grimace.
"I'm proud of you," I tell her as I wash off my plate and fork.
She finished the entire peach, much to my surprise since I only requested of her to eat half of it. She flashes me a weak smile.
"Now, I want you to keep it down," I demand, leading her to the fully decorated tree.
She nods, even though I can see the internal battle raging in her eyes. She sits on the floor in front of the tree as I grope the floor underneath it, searching for her present that I stashed there late last night.
"I couldn't afford much this year," I solemnly remind as my hand grips the envelope. "And I'm sorry for that," I apologize, sitting beside her. "But I hope this'll make up for it."
I thrust the envelope at her, watching as her face twists up in confusion.
"Open it."
She slowly tears open the envelope, acting as if she doesn't want to rip it. She removes the card. A reindeer is on the front with googly eyes. She smiles at it before opening it. The tickets fall into her lap, but she pays them no mind as she reads the card. I recite what I wrote as her eyes follow along.
"Dear Kelsie,
Merry Christmas, baby-girl. First off, know that I love you and that you're the light that my world revolves around. If it weren't for you, I honestly don't know how I'd be able to live life without mom and dad. Regardless of what other people say about you and regardless of what you tell yourself everyday, I know that you're beautiful and talented and smart and funny. Whether you realize it or not, you're the strongest person I know and you're my inspiration. I want to grow up to be just like you,"-she giggles-"And, although I can't grant you all of your wishes and dreams, I hope that this present will grant at least one of them. I've already met my inspiration, hero, and life savor, and that's you. Now it's your time to meet yours."
She raises her eyes from the card with a bewildered expression. She opens her mouth to speak, but I cut her off.
"Your lap."
She looks down, picking up the piece of computer paper. Flipping it over, her eyes widen as she emits a loud yet joyous scream.
"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" She chants, wrapping her arms around my neck.
"You're so welcome, baby-girl. You deserve all of the happiness that the world has to offer," I tell her.
She returns to the floor, happy tears streaming down her cheeks as she stares at the Demi Lovato tickets in awe.
"There's one more thing," I inform.
I search underneath the tree again, gripping the box that I hid the meet and greet pass in. I hand it to her and she opens it much quicker than the envelope. She rummages through the box, tossing around the shreds of colorful paper that I filled the box with. She screams again, causing me to chuckle.
"I love you so much, Banner! You're the best big brother ever!" She squeals, hugging me again.
"I told you that you'd love me," I smirk.
She playfully rolls her eyes, a beaming grin lighting up her face.
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