28. Dating Advice
Sometimes, it's hard to try and explain something. It's even harder, when the last person you tried to explain it to laughed at you and called you a liar.
On this fine (I haven't been attacked yet) Thursday morning, as I wait for Josh to hurry up and arrive at school (I bet he is flirting with the bus driver again), I think of ways to try and explain to him what happened last night. I lean against the tree, feeling the cold bark press into my back as I stare up at the sky.
Okay, version one:763Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CU0bwrbKM
Hey, Josh! So dude, I've got a really weird story to tell you. So yesterday, I arrived home and got my mind screwed with by a super powerful villain. Oh yeah, well what did they do? Oh, they used their powers of mind-control to place me in an elaborate illusion. Well, they convinced me that my room was tidy!
Actually, it's probably twelve or so hours too late, but I'm finally starting to realise just how ridiculous this sounds. Oh wow, a powerful villain used his powers to make you think your room was tidy? Woah, impressive! But Tim, why didn't he use his wicked power to make you see flame spitting dragons, or think you were dying? You know, normal supervillain things?
See how screwed I am? But I have to tell someone what happened, as crazy as it was. I also have to get that somebody believe me, which is the tricky bit. Maybe they will take bribes? Or maybe I'll get real lucky and when I tell Josh, he will be so creeped out by how insane I sound, he will just nod and go along with it, afraid to hurt my feelings. Maybe-
"Uh, Tim? Earth to Tim? I feel like I'm being ignored here!" I quickly look down and stare into the face of my interrupter, who is surprisingly not Josh. I mean, Josh doesn't have soft brown hair, matching eyes and a warm, pretty smile, although it would be super weird if he suddenly did. This is Anna, although I have no idea why she ha-
"Do you have like a 'wake' button, or-"
I smile awkwardly at her, fully aware of how much of an idiot am. "Oh, hey. I, uh, didn't see you there." Smooth, Tim, smooth.
I hear an awkward coughing off to our right, we both spin around to look at the sound. It's Josh, finally at school after taking a detour to try out his new pick up lines on the nerdy-girls, or something as equally playboy. Instead of looking annoyed that I'm talking to somebody else and that person is a girl, not that we have really started, er, talking, but I'm sure that's what it looks like, he gives me a double thumbs up, followed by another hand gesture, that, well... Okay, let's just say it is really bad, in fact so bad that I have to quickly shout and pretend to trip over, awkwardly placing my hand on Anna's shoulder, but also positioned carefully to turn her around as I mock fall, away from the... offensive... hand symbols.
She frowns and gives me a sympathetic look, smiling at my not-so-gracefulness, which is kinda red-cheek causing, but also means I have spared her from the terror known as Josh. Behind me I hear laughing, so I quickly pull the finger at the sound from behind my back, so Anna can't see it, but Josh definitely can.
"Sorry, I just, well, er... slipped up." She smiles, again I wonder how she hasn't laughed at me and walked away yet. "Bad ankles," I say, trying to reinforce my fake falling as real, but really just wishing I could freeze time and hit myself on the forehead, maybe even then quickly runaway, before this situation gets even more awkward. Speaking of awkward... Shoot, still got my hand on her shoulder. I carefully pry my hand away and take a step back from her as well, just to be safe.
"So, I heard you were on the news the other night." I freeze up, wondering what she means by that. I haven't been on anytime in the last few days, not since I finally got rid of The Captain (well I hope I finally got rid of him.) So either she means that, which would also mean she knows who I am, or hopefully something else that I'm not aware of...
She sees my confusion and laughs. "Not last night, but the night before. You got caught in between that fight between Ghostanna and the ice guy." I cringe, as the memories come back, but I'm also relieved, as this means she doesn't know I am Lightning Strike, which would be bad and also weird/very suspicious. "I saw some footage, it looked pretty painful when he smashed your head against the ground." Double cringe.
I give her a small but probably awkward laugh. "Well, I suppose it was, but he knocked me out before I could feel most of the pain."
She winces. "Oh, really? Ouch."
Josh steps in beside me on the other side to Anna, but before he can say anything, the bell rings. Anna says goodbye and begins to walk to her first class, while I carefully turn back to Josh and scowl at him.
"What was that for?"
"Was what?" He raises an eyebrow in mock confusion and we begin to walk. I sigh and he rolls his eyes. "Don't hate, dude, I was just trying to give you some 'friendly encouragement'."
I snort. He can't be serious, can he? Since when does making rude signs come under... Well, I suppose, he did give me a thumbs up first. I carefully look over his face, trying to tell if he actually thinks that comes under 'being helpful'. However, I've never been really all that good - okay I'm terrible - at reading people, so his "massive grin" just comes across as a "massive grin". I sigh and shake my head, quietly laughing it off while we walk to class.
The rest of the day flies by in a completely normal manner. Not that there is anything wrong with this. To be honest, I'm starting to get sick of how chaotic my life is getting, expressly this week, when every day has come with another scoop of crazy - whether that crazy be flavoured 'in a storage cupboard with the city's most powerful supervillain', 'knocked out and then having to be saved by another superhero' or even 'being mentally screwed with by another bad guy'. Whatever, I'm sick of it all. So when I remembered that Josh and I had after-school detention that day, I was stoked. Why? Because it meant an hour and a half in which I could guarantee nothing life would happen.
Josh isn't too happy about it, grumbling all the way to the detention room. That is, until I remind him that he himself was the one who decided to get himself in trouble with the teacher so he could join me. When we get there, the teacher taking us - an English teacher I think - looks equally as happy at having to look after us for 90 minutes; clearly she drew the short straw earlier in the teachers' lounge.
She hurries us into the room, but not before taking our phones off us. Josh tries to claim he "doesn't own a phone", but he quickly gives it up after the teacher threatens to extend the detention time. She sets her clock to an hour and a half, but says she won't start it until the other student gets here. They take a few minutes to do so, but I don't complain, as that's a few minutes of the best thing in the world - boredom. That 'other student' ends up being Anna, which surprises me, as she doesn't seem like the type to ever get in trouble, let alone land an after school detention session. She apologises for being late, the teacher grumbles and starts her clock.
She stares the three of us down for the first five minutes, only a little bit creepy. She snaps at us for even the slightest movement, whether that be Josh itching his neck, or myself changing the position of my arms on the desk in front of us.
After this she pulls a tablet from her handbag - which is massive, by the way. I can't imagine lugging around something that big, expressly just holding it in your hands. How much stuff do women need and what's wrong with using a backpack? Maybe they have a portal to another dimension or something in there? Actually, apart from a handbag looking like, well, a handbag, that sounds pretty cool.
She cranks up the volume on the tablet, humming along as some generic piano tune starts up. Josh quickly scoots is desk closer and leans over mine, taking full advantage of the teacher's distraction.
"Dude," he whispers, "I wish I could show you this wicked new game I got on my phone. So you are thi-" he pauses, interrupted by loud talking coming from the teacher's tablet.
"Hi, my name is Carter Cason and welcome to the third episode of my program, Making Moments with Men. Today, I'll lead you through how to impress your potential partner by setting up the perfect date, as well as..."
Josh and I share a look of amusement, before he slowly starts to quietly chuckle, myself quickly following suit. I mean, when you are in detention, the last thing you expect your teacher to do is to start jamming the dating advice. I didn't even know such thing existed, to be honest, but I suppose some people need all the help they can get... Okay, I'm probably included in that category, but at least I'm not yet at the stage of listening to podcasts of middle aged men. Anna shakes her head beside us, trying not to join in. Soon our chuckles evolve into quiet, suppressed laughter and at this point the teacher pauses her video and stares us down through the top of her glasses.
We both stop laughing instantly, feeling heavy under her gaze, which is nothing short of vicious and deadly. "Did you two say something?" We shake our heads and I bite my lip, just incase the laughter decides to make a comeback. "Thought so," she says, before resuming the video.
"Firstly, I'll focus on how to find the perfect location for the perfect..."
I lean over onto Josh's desk, carefully un-biting my lip, so I can speak. "Josh, this advice sounds perfect for you. As I'm such a good friend, I was thinking I'll downlo-"
"No way, bro. You are the one who needs 'dating advice'." He snorts and tries to push me away.
I can't help but start quietly laughing again, both at the audio on the teacher's video and also at Josh and his wimpy-ass attempt to push me, which didn't even make me budge. He probably was putting at least some effort into it, but that's what super-strength does for you. Josh joins in as well and even Anna can't control herself, using the sleeve of her jumper to try and muffle her laughter.
The teacher pauses and glares again, but this time we can barely stop, still silently laughing behind our closed mouths. "Be quiet," she growls at us, before resuming her video.
Feeling a little bit bad for laughing, - okay only a little - I turn to Anna, trying to think of something to whisper to her and start up a conversation. Hopefully I'll distract myself from the teacher's video, which is starting to become just a little bit awkward. Luckily, she beats me to it.
"So, what do you two think of the new superhero?" she whispers.
"Which one?" I ask in return, but mentally cringing at having to talk about either of them. I don't even know where to start with my opinion on myself and I really don't want to think of Ghostanna right now, mostly because I'll get embarrassed at the idea of being unconscious and likely drooling drooling in her arms again.
"Lightning Strike." She smiles. Oh damn, what do I say, keep your expression neutral...
"He is okay," I whisper, shrugging.
"Oh man," says Josh, barely keeping his voice quiet enough to not be heard over the teacher's video. "I hate that guy!" I raise an eyebrow at him and he gives me a 'just go along with it' wink.
Okay then... I turn back to Anna and roll my eyes at her. "Josh only hates him because he thinks he is trying to steal all his 'babes'."
"I think he is okay," whispers Anna, "if only a bit of an idiot. But really, Josh, steal all your 'babes'?"
Aww thanks, good to know the truth. Even the nice girl thinks I'm an idiot. It's not my fault, though. I just have bad luck, am good at screwing things up... Okay, I'm an idiot. The least I can do now is not show my embarrassment and give myself away. Actually, Tim, don't show any facial expressions at all and you should be fine...
"It's true!" Josh cries. Too loud and the teacher pauses her video, glaring at us again.
"This is detention, not a social hangout. You are here as a punishment, don't forget it." She presses the play button again, but this time also making sure to keep an eye on us, glaring when one of us even looks like we could be about to speak. My dreams of immense bordom start go out the window, as immense awkwardness takes over instead. I want to ask the teacher to use headphones, or maybe borrow my own, but I also don't want to feel rude, so I keep quiet and try to deal with it.
By the time the detention is over, I'm happy to be free, as well as relieved that I don't have to listen to anymore dating advice. In fact, so happy and relieved, that I run out of the room as fast as I can, feeling the joy of non-classroom air on my face and normal outside sounds in my ears.
"Is he okay?" I hear Anna ask Josh from behind me.
"Probably not," Josh chuckles.
I sigh and turn back around, glaring at the both of them. We are now standing outside, the air warm from being heated by the afternoon sun. No clouds in the sky, it's actually a pretty nice day - even though the sun is hot on my face and of course - Josh is laughing at my excitement at being outside.
"As you can see," he continues, "Tim has never had a girlfriend." I glare at him, folding my arms over my chest and trying not to look in the direction of Anna, because I have a feeling her reaction will make my cheeks red and... I sigh, as Josh rolls his eyes at me.
"Oh no, you went too far this time," I growl, slowly walking towards him, my fists clenched, in more mock anger than anything. Hah, Josh thinks he can embarrass me... Well, he forgets I've known him for just as long as he has for me.
"Dude, chill out. Hey, here is a good suggestion: maybe you need some dating-"
He stops talking, but only because I'm charging at him, lightly tackling him to the ground. "You know," I say, as we roll around, myself not bothering to put in any real effort; you know, giving Josh a gaming chance. "I'm pretty sure you haven't had a girlfriend either."
"What?" I hear Anna softly laugh at us in suprize, like the sound of far away bells. While I'm distracted by the heavenly sound, he gets the better of me and rolls me over, pinning me against the sunbaked grass.
"Don't listen to him," he says to Anna, while I awkwardly snort from beneath his grip at the embarrassment on his face. I could push him off anytime, but it's more fun to let Josh think that he has won.
"Wait, hold on," I laugh from under him, "wasn't there that one girl..." Josh tries to place his hand over my mouth to muffle me, but I easily shrug him off, grinning. "Back when we were eight. She had glasses, lots of freckles and this really annoying laugh..."
"No way!" Josh tries to sustain his hold on me, but I easily roll him off, using only a little of my strength to get the upper hand, so now I'm the one leaning over him and holding him down. To Anna, it probably looks like I managed to roll my way out of his hold, but both Josh and I know that he doesn't stand at chance. He growls and tries to wiggle out of my grip, but I keep my hands still and roll my eyes at his pointless efforts.
He sighs. "Okay, you win." He relaxes under my hands and I softly laugh at him, rolling off as he looks up at Anna, frowning. "Don't tell your friends, okay?"
"Tell my friends what?" Anna sweetly asks, giving him an innocent expression.
"That I haven't had a real girlfriend," he sighs and I can't take it anymore, rolling over as I burst into laugher, smacking my palms into the grass and then quickly rolling again to hide the fist sized holes it makes. Damn super-strength, I wish it had an off and on switch. I don't wanna spend the rest of my life having to make sure I be extremely gentle with everything.
"Awww," coos Anna, "it's okay, your secret is safe with Tim and I." I continue laughing and she frowns at me. "Right, Tim?" I poke my tongue out at them both, ignoring her request. "Right, Tim?"
"Fine." I roll my eyes. I wasn't planning on telling anybody else anyway, unless of course, Josh tells them my secret of having no past girlfriends... Then anything is fair game. As he can't help but blurt out stuff like that at the most embarrassing of times, I can't really see this keeping a secret for much longer, actually I'm surprised it has been for this long. Oh well, as long as he doesn't make me feel awkward by telling Julia.
Josh gets up and brushes the grass off him; I do the same, laughing some more before saying goodbye to him and Anna. I walk around the side of the buildings and fly home, which is starting to become a regular occurrence for me, as I slowly get over my fear of heights. Flying is cool.. and public transport sucks.
"Hmm," says mum, slowly walking in a circle around the couch, which I am laying on, watching TV. Or at least was, before she came along and started distracting me.
Don't ask me what she is up to, I have no idea. As soon as I got home and turned on the TV, she came out of the kitchen and gave me this evil, bemused smirk, before proceeding to doing that weird circling thing. I've kinda gotten over her not believing me yesterday, as a) it was a pretty damn ridiculous story, mind reading or no and b), I'm pretty sure the same villain that messed with me messed with her, too. Now if she stops giving me that weird amused look, everything will be fine...
I feel a weird tingling in the back of my head, but think nothing of it. But then I feel it again and Anna suddenly pops into my mind, even though I wasn't even thinking of thinking of her... Woah, hold up. Now I know what is going on, woah, I actually feel smart for once. But why Anna...
Mum frowns and gives me a guilty look. I look right back at her, annoyed expression in my face. Mum. Get. Out.
She rolls her eyes and sits down on the couch next to me. I had to find out what had you so flustered, Tim.
Ugh, firstly, what does 'flustered' mean? I hold up a hand. Actually, don't answer that, I don't wanna know. Secondly, you can read any thought I've had, current or no? Great. Thirdly... Uh, what was my third point again? That's right, I didn't have one.
Mum grins at me. Another girl take your fancy? I frown, about to deny it, but she grins wider before I have the chance to. Looks like I need to give you some dating advice.
ns 15.158.61.5da2
