18. The Return of Captain Cliché
Just as predicted, Captain Catastrophe doesn't appear to me at 10pm for a death-duel. Or midnight. Or those times the next night. Or the next. Or the next. In fact, the when the Captain finally appears in the weekend, it's when I'm least expecting it. You know what he needs to change his name to? Captain Cliché.
In his absence I've been making a name for myself – or at least attempting to, by stopping the occasional robbery or mugging. The Villain community is not impressed – in fact, with all the death threats I've been getting lately, I'm surprised I've even lived this long. I still don't have an actual superhero name, but the media have started calling me all sorts of things, like "No" (those damn girls in that alley) "Red Justice" (this one makes me cringe) and my personal favourite, "Lightning Strike" (after the guy on the news claiming I fell from the sky like one).
If I had to choose any of those names, it would be the latter. But I'm just fine staying nameless for now. I don't really care.
It's the weekend and Josh and I are loitering around in the shopping mall, waiting for a movie to start. Julia was going to come and join us, but she had pulled out at the last minute, claiming she suddenly had something she urgently needed to do. (Whatever that means.)
So me and Josh are having a heated debate over which video game in shop window is the best, when, out of the blue, (literally, because the roof is glass in this section of the mall) none other than Captain Catastrophe (Cliché) himself jumps through the ceiling, scattering smashed glass everywhere and landing right in the middle of the mall, about 30 metres away.
And you thought I could make an entrance, eh?
He looks around frantically, and although his eyes land on many people, they don't land on me or Josh. Which makes me think that if he is a psychic or a telepath, he's an incredibly bad one. 'Maybe,' I think, 'he has psychic powers, but he's one of those psychics that can't choose what they psychically know, random details just come to them.' Poor Captain. That power would suck. It must drive him insane. No wonder he talks to himself.
A crowd is now swarming around the Captain, blocking him from my view. Most of the onlookers have drawn their cameras and/or smartphones, a fact that I can just imagine Captain Cliché is rejoicing in. I walk backwards into the depths of the mall and the gathering crowd, pulling Josh with me. The longer I can go without the Captain recognising me, the better.
"Josh," I say, as we recede further into the throng of people. He rolls his eyes at me.
"Go put your suit on, Superboy."
"Okay, I am," I groan. "But please, don't call me that!"
Josh gives me a wide-eyed look of false innocence. "Call you what?" I sigh. "Oh, what? Superboy?"
"Yes."
"What's so bad about 'Superboy'?"
"Don't say that word!" I cry, drawing to us unwanted attention from the crowd surrounding CC. 'Oh why,' I think, 'why did Josh have to choose now as the best time to try annoy me...'
"But it's just the word 'super' followed by the word 'boy'."
I sigh, trying to ignore that fact that literally everyone in the mall is now staring at me. "Firstly, it's not my name. Secondly, it's..." I lower my voice, "...embarrassing. Thirdly, it's..." I momently look up at the crowd, trying to think of a third reason. Naturally, the first person I happen to lay my eyes on is Captain Catastrophe. Oh, and he's staring right at me, with that horribly cliché and evil smirk of his.
"Hey!" he cries. "Wait, I recognise you from somewhere. Hey, you're..."
I look at Josh and he says the word at the same time as I do. "Run."
I take off through the shopping mall, cursing Josh, CC and my bad luck. 'No, wait.' I think as I realize something. 'Make that sometimes bad luck.' I can run through a shopping mall pretty fast, when I need to. Not that I ever do much mall-running. Okay, I never do any mall running. This is my first time.
Pushing through the crowd, I sprint around a stall selling woollen socks and run into a café. Looking over my shoulder and cursing at how close behind me the Captain is, I leap over a table in my path, frightening customers as I spit out a string of swearwords and dash out the café's other entrance. Seeing a nearby sign pointing to a restroom, I thank whatever luck is still with me and barge through crowds of shoppers to reach my destination. Thinking quickly, I hold out my hands and blast a bolt of electricity at a neon sign across the room, hoping it draws enough attention away from me so I can sneak into the bathrooms unnoticed.
Several minutes later I walk out and straight into the waiting gaze of Captain Cliché. He uncrosses his arms and stops impatiently tapping his foot. Doing my best to make my expression and voice full of surprise, I begin to speak.
"Oh. Captain Catastrophe. I didn't expect to find you here."
He rolls his eyes at me. "So, you've returned from the bathroom. With your suit on, I see."
"I..." I put on my best naïve face, "... I don't know what you are talking about. I've only just arrived at this mall."
"You are a really bad liar. You can't pull the 'walk into the restroom' trick on me, boy." Around us, people begin to swarm and a chorus of cell phone noises begin as they are pulled out of pockets and handbags around us. The Captain grins, obviously enjoying all the attention. I grimace and hope I don't do anything embarrassing this time, like fall out of the sky.
"So," I sigh. "I suppose you weren't kidding when you said 'duel'"
His mouth becomes an 'O' of outrage. "Of course I wasn't kidding. I'm a man of my word!"
"Still," I say, pretending to sound impatient. "You're a few days late." His face flushes bright red, and I wonder if I've embarrassed him.
"I need to say something smart back," he whispers, obviously to himself. "What did the handbook say to do in situations like these?"
I groan. "Captain? You're talking to yourself again."
"What?" he cries. "No I wasn't."
"Yes, you were." I grin as several members of the crowd laugh. Score one to Tim.
His face tints red in a mixture of anger and embarrassment. Growling like an enraged animal, he floats up into the air and dramatically raises his fists. I sigh, and prepare to leap out the way. Then he frowns at the crowd and me beneath him. "No, I have to wait for the news media to get here."
I slap myself in the forehead and search the crowd for Josh, who rolls his eyes as our eyes meet. I shrug, while he makes a punching movement. I nod and am about to call tauntingly up to the Captain when I hear a ringing sound coming from my pocket. I reach to answer it, as it's not like I have anything better to do as CC waits for his beloved live TV to get here. "Hello?" I say, secretly hoping its Julia, even though I have no idea why she would be ringing me now.
"Tim, it's me. Your mother."
"Uh, hi mum." I whisper, hoping nobody heard me. Captain Cliché raises his eyebrows at me and I wince.
"Do you know why I'm calling, Tim?" 'Oh, great. Just my luck.' I think, looking around me and seeing that the media is now starting to arrive. Uh oh.
"Mum, can I call you back, I'm uh, busy right now."
"No. Where are you?"
"I'm... er..." The cameramen are starting focus their lenses on me. I need to get off this phone and attack Captain. I look is his direction, and see that he is laughing at me. Great. "I'm at Josh's house."
"Oh, okay then. Because that superhero that you were really interested in on the news the other night has been spotted downtown at the nearest shopping mall."
"Really? That's, uh... interesting, I gotta go now."
"Hey, look, they got live coverage on, now." I barely resist the impulse to swear. "Hey, that's weird. That boy is also on the phone. He has the same cell phone as you, too. Are you sure you aren't at the mall, Tim?"
"Yes, I'm sure." CC makes taunting faces at me, and I begin to mentally try and work out how much trouble I would get in if I just hung up on her. She most likely already knows that the 'superhero boy' is me. But why does she have to call me, to prove it? Grrrrh.
"Tim, has anybody ever told you that you are a really bad liar?"
"Heeeey." Captain Catastrophe catcalls at me. "Are you finished talking to your mummy yet?"
"Urghhh! Damn this!" I cry. Not thinking of the possible consequences, I hurl the phone towards him. He quickly ducks out of the way, before poking his tongue out.
"Oh no, have I made mummy's boy mad?" I swear, stretch out my hands and blast a rage-fuelled bolt of electricity at him, one which he also easily dodges. It hurls on towards a cameraman, who yelps and leaps out of the way. The electricity sends sparks everywhere as it smashes into his tripod. A rush of power travels down its legs and through into the wires tangled around its base, causing an overload of electricity to surge through the entire media's system, effectively killing every one of their cameras. As well as sending sparks everywhere and issuing what I would think to be a few nasty electric shocks. CC's mouth drops open while I grin like a maniac, several punchlines already whirling around in my head.
"What was that?" cries one of the reporters, clearly frightened as well as shocked. (No pun intended.)
"That," I grin for the now dead cameras, "was the power to destroy electronics." The crowd ooooooohs and I turn my attention towards the Captain. "What were you saying about 'mummy's boy'?" Leaping into the air, I grab a now useless tripod and fly towards him, holding the stand up in a threatening manner.
"What are you gonna do, hit me with that?" I shrug and swing it towards him, but it bounces back, hitting an invisible force-field between us. Damn. I'd forgotten about his force-field power.
"Why are we even fighting, anyway?" I ask. "I don't really see the point."
"It's because you defeated me!" He roars, leaping at me and swinging a punch in my direction, "and I must get revenge!" I move back from his fist, but it was it short on hitting me anyway. I realise what he's doing a moment too late as the force-field hits me, throwing me backwards. I smash back-first into the linoleum mall floor, the crowd having quickly darted out of the way of my impact zone. I look up and see stars, my vision blurring as the throngs of people look down on me, some wincing, some laughing or doing a bad job of trying not to and some looking concerned.
I groan, and pick myself off the floor. How did I defeat this guy the first time? I try and think back. How did I... 'Oh, that's right.' I barely resist the impulse not to chuckle. I hit him right where the family jewels are. 'Damn, that probably won't work again, will it? No, it won't. So what can...'
My thoughts are interrupted as CC leaps at me, knocking me back to the ground. Now straddling my waist, he smashes his fist into my nose and I wince at the cracking noise it creates. Face throbbing, I momentary stun him with electricity and roll us over, so I'm on top. Crimson blood drips through the nose part of my mask and onto his face. I don't hesitate to wham my fist right back, straight into where he hit me.
Another cracking sound and he roars with rage, kneeing me in the stomach. Winded, gasp in air and this gives him enough time to roll us back over so he's on top. He grabs the back of my head in what most likely isn't an affectionate manner and hisses tauntingly at my face.
"Any last words, mummy's boy?"
"Er..." I pause for dramatic effect, and he waits patiently for my answer. I add fake surprise to my face and look at a non-existent object over his shoulder. "Look out behind you!" I cry.
To my surprise (and great relief) he actually turns his head, giving me enough time to blast electricity into him and use my super strength to push him off me. Using one hand to continue blasting him full of volts, I reach for the nearest weapon-like object – a camera pole from a now useless camera – and whack it into the side of Captain Catastrophe's head. His face slackens, and I wince as I realise that he's out cold.
Feeling a little bit guilty, I gasp in shock. "I didn't know that that trick still worked!"
ns 15.158.61.48da2
