2. Why Didn’t I Think Of That?
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My first thought after discovering my ‘superpower’: ‘What a freaking stupid power!’ There was no way I could become a supervillian with that pathetic power. Is that even counted as a superpower? What was I supposed to do with it, threaten to destroy people’s phones if they didn’t give me their money? Pathetic. Yeah, like that would work. I would probably only end up getting the civilian’s money after they died of laughter.
Then I remember that most super’s have at least more than one superpower; most have several. So it would be most likely that destroying electronics wouldn’t be my only talent. Well, that’s a relief.
Possibly.
Speaking of my talent… I probably need to learn how to control it, before I accidently sabotage every electronic device in the close proximity. I walk to the kitchen and paw through all of the drawers and cupboards before I find what I am looking for. Rubber gloves. This will have to do for now.
Satisfied and unusually happy, I walk back to my room and flop like a fish onto my bed. Shooting an unhappy glance at my computer, I pull out my phone from the depths of my back pocket to find several new texts awaiting me. The phone is hard to navigate, with the damned gloves on, but I manage to do okay. Needless to say, I need to find a better solution soon.
One of the texts is from my mother, reminding me to change the light bulb down in the shop. I laugh ironically, before checking the other text. It’s from my best friend Josh. He wants me to come over to his house and help him play some new video game. Also, he adds with a wink, his sister is home.
Josh’s twin sister is a total babe. She goes to some private boarding school out in the country, the kind that only braniacs go to. She is hardly ever at home, but I get excited when she is. I have had a crush on her for ages, but I am too scared to say anything. She was a rich, smart, boarding school girl and I was an average high school guy, barely managing to make it through my schoolwork. The ‘outta my league’ rule came into effect here, plus she was the sister of my best friend, which makes things really awkward. But a guy can hope and dream.
I grin and flick my mum a text to say that I was gonna head over to Josh’s. It sounded like fun. Not only did Josh have a great choice in video games, but Julia would also be there. She was so pretty…
My phone let out a shrill chirping noise and I pick it up. My mother has replied with the usual; “Yes, Tim, be back by dinner.” I grin and grab my wallet before mentally prepping myself for facing the city’s public transport system.
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20 minutes and 8 blocks later, I got off the bus and walked towards the east. Josh’s house wasn’t far from here.
It was a nice afternoon and by nice, I mean the sun didn’t shine directly into my eyes and halter my vision. There was nothing wrong with warm weather. Just… why did it have to be so sunny?
A few hundred metres later, I barely give a shadowed alley a second glance as I pass it and it returns the favour by grabbing me and sucking me into its depths.
“Give me all ya money!” Yells a balaclava clad man, holding a small but sharp looking pocket knife to my face.
“Er…” I cough in surprise. This is obviously not the reaction he wants, as he then decides to bring the knife in closer.
“I said, give me all your money! And… why… are you wearing cleaning gloves?” He bursts into laughter and the knife wobbles in his grip. I eye it carefully. “Is this the teenage trends these days? Wannabe hotel maids?” He laughs even harder, almost reaching the point of hysteria. “Your hair is even long too, just like a woman!”
“My hair!” I yell, almost frothing with annoyance. There is nothing I hate more than people try to mess with my hair. “I am very proud of my hair!”
“Girlie!” He points and gives me an accusing look, before lowering the knife and stepping back. “Sorry for trying to rob you. You can keep your money. I couldn’t steal from such a wimp. That would be like cheating.”
“Argh!” I growl at him under my breath. Dickhead. He is going to pay… somehow. I spy a smartphone tucked inside his back pocket. Maybe… Just maybe, my useless superpower wouldn’t be so useless after all. I take off the gloves, and he raises an eyebrow.
“Back off!” I threaten, holding my palms out to him.
“Or what?” He sniggers. “You’ll what? Kiss me?”
I grind my teeth together in annoyance. “Or I’ll destroy your smartphone.”
“What?” I can’t make out his expression behind the black balaclava, but I think I can assume it is in some state of confusion. “How could you even… I’m not gonna give you a chance to touch it. I am the one holding a knife here.” He raises the knife and holds it to me at a threatening angle and I hear him mutter ‘moron’ under his breath.
“I don’t need to be touching it to destroy it. I was wearing those rubber gloves for a reason.” I’m definitely bluffing, as you well know and I hope he doesn’t see through that.
“What?” His voice is think with confusion. I guess it’s not every day that someone threatens to destroy his phone.
“I will think,” I explain for him, “and your phone will destroy itself.” I crunch my hand into a fist, to aid my explanation/try and act like this could actually happen and I have done this kind of thing before. Oh man I am so screwed, this isn’t gonna work. I’m probably just gonna end up getting stabbed and mugged. Way to go, Tim!
He bursts into hysterical laughter again. “You’ve got to be shitting me. Is that supposed to be some kind of superpower or something? ‘Cause if it is, that is the shittiest excuse for a superpower that I’ve ever heard!”
Well, it’s always comforting to know someone agrees with my opinion.
I sigh and stick my palm out towards his back pocket in the most cliché way possible. I hope this looks convincing. I concentrate really hard. Maybe, if I like hope enough, or try hard enough, my new found superpower will work long distance.
Also, I really hope I wasn’t actually imagining all the times I destroyed my electronics. To find out that my superpower is imaginary would be a major blow and possibly life-threatening. I screw up my face and twist my wrist in concentration.
“Be careful,” My to-be mugger continues to chuckle. “You’re pulling a really nasty face there. Try not to hurt yourself.”
“Ah!” I roar with anger.
“Calm down.” He waves the knife in my face. “And give me all your money.”
Did this guy have the IQ of a dead snail or something? There was no way I was giving him my money, not after he called me a girlie, a wimp, insulted my superpower and my hair. Of course, I rather valued the little money I had in my wallet, so I wasn’t going to give him any if I could help it, knife in his hand or not.
“I’m gonna warn you one last time,” I speak clearly and try not to panic at how pathetic I sound. Is this how the good guys to it on TV? I can’t remember. “Back off, before your phone faces the consequences.”
He shrugs away my warning. “You’re bluffing, loser.”
Shit.
“But whatever, let it not be said that I am not a kind man.” I snort. “I’ll even give you a free shot.” He pulls out his phone and waves it in my face, before bringing it back a bit. “If your girlyness can handle it.”
I grind my teeth together and spew a string of horribly vulgar swearwords in his direction. My hands reflexively raise of their own accord.
I yelp in surprise as an ultra-bright lightning bolt of white energy blasts out of my hands and makes explosive contact with his smartphone. The bolt of energy is blinding, and we both find ourselves blinking rapidly and shaking our heads to shake away the daze.
The balaclava clad man squeals in surprise. He looks blankly at the smartphone in his hand. It is…
The first word to pop into my head is fried. It’s smoking and has a charred hole burnt right through the middle. That must have cost some IQ points. I bet it can’t even be titled as a smartphone anymore.
“Told you… so…” I hide my surprise and grin, like that was completely intentional. He doesn’t reply, but instead stares at my still raised hands with a frightened expression. Well, at least I think it’s a frightened expression. The balaclava kind of makes it hard to tell.
“You weren’t bluffing…” He drops the knife and takes several scared steps backwards.
“No. I wasn’t.” Yes I was. Well, at least I thought I was bluffing. Man, this day was just getting crazier and crazier. “So, unless you want to stick around for a personal demonstration of my other superpowers…”
He takes off and runs back into the shadows like there’s no tomorrow. Clearly he’s not at all interested in my very generous offer. When I’m sure he’s full disappeared from sight, I pump my fists in the air. Yeah! That was so totally awesome! Yeah! Nobodies’ electronic devices are safe from my awesomeness! I pump my fists again and continue walking.
I soon reach the apartment building where Josh lives. It is easily the flashiest building on the block, and most definitely the highest. It had to be at least twenty stories. And the best and worst thing? They lived in the penthouse, right at the top.
Luckily the elevator is working, so I take the fast route up. I’ve been here when it wasn’t working and I tell you, climbing all those stairs is not pretty. I knock on the door and it swings open as I’m knocking, to reveal Josh standing right in front of me. Wow. That was fast. Was he standing behind the door waiting for me? He raises a clenched fist and I bump it with one of my own.
“How long where you waiting at the door for me?” I give him an accusing look.
“What? Nah, dude. I was just walking past.” Josh rolls his blue and grey flecked eyes. His hair is about 2 inches in length all over, and he swooshes it back with his fingers.
“He was.” Confirms a voice from around the corner. Julia! I sneak a glance at her as she comes into view. She looks like a blonde haired angel, as usual. I quickly look away before anyone catches me staring.
Josh rolls his eyes at me again. “Let’s go. Come check out the games I got.”
“Games?” I ask.
“Plural.” He grins at me.
“What’s this? I though you prided yourself in successfully sleeping through every single English class?” He chuckles as we step into his room.
“I admit it, there was one I was awake during.” I raise my eyebrow. “Remember that sexy tall blonde substitute we had last semester? With the nice legs?”
Now it’s my turn to chuckle as I shut the door behind us.
“So,” he changes the subject and holds up two newly released console games. “Which will it be?”
“Er…” I frown and he gives me a weird look in return.
“Not in the mood for playing? What’s wrong with you?”
“Quite a lot, actually.” I give the door a quick glance. “Is this room secure? Is it safe to talk about secret stuff in here?”
“Yeah, probs. What’s up, dude?” He shoots me a worried look and sits down on the end of his bed.
“If I tell you, will you promise not to tell anyone?”
He rolls his eyes. “Sure.”
“I’m being serious here.”
“So am I.” He screws his face in a comically stressed way. “This is my serious look.”
“You…” I sigh and try to reply as inoffensively as possible. “You look like your father does when he’s doing his business work.”
“See!” He huffs. “Totally trustable!”
I sigh. Josh has been my friend for years. I can trust him. Why am I even being paranoid in the first place, anyway?
“Okay, I’ll tell you.” He bounces eagerly on the edge of his bed, reminding me of an excited little kid. “I think…” I take a deep nerve racking breath. “I’m developing superpowers.”
At first his jaw drops, but then he soon recovers and grins wider than a maniac. “Dude! That’s totally rad! When did this happen?”
I explain to him about my electrocution earlier in the day, when I accidently stuck my fingers in the light bulb socket. He laughs.
“You are such a moron, dude.” I roll my eyes, then explain to him about electronic and their spontaneous self-destruction whenever my hands make contact. I finish with the guy attempting to mug me in the alley a few buildings over from his.
He, to my surprise, shakes his head, as unconvinced. “Prove it.”
I nod. “Do you have any electronics that you don’t mind me… er… destroying?”
“Hold on.” Josh walks over to his over cluttered desk and pushes aside piles of junk. “I think I have an old MP3 lying around somewhere…”
“That you don’t mind me destroying.” I remind him.
“Yeah, it’s cool dude. This thing is like, decades old.”
“Portable MP3 devices weren’t even…”
He rolls his eyes at me and hands me a dusty MP3 with a cracked screen. I concentrate for a second. I hadn’t needed to, through because it already starts to flicker with uncontrollable energy upon my touch. Several seconds later and sparks are flying from every possible exit in the player, from the crack in the screen to the bolts in the back.
Josh’s mouth drops to floor level. “Dude! I thought you were joking! This is even more rad! Now you can, like, sign up with the villains and stuff. It will be totally insane!”
“Yeah…” I mumble.
“Okay, now you have to show me that thing you did to the mugger.”
“You mean how I destroyed his phone without touching it, turning it from a smartphone to a dumbphone?”
“Yes, that.”
I carefully place the still sparking MP3 down on his desk. Weirdly enough, it loses all signs of life at the absence of my touch.
“Can you do it again, with the MP3, like re-destroy it?” Josh asks.
I nod. “I think so.” I take a few steps back and raise my palms. Several seconds later, Josh begins to grow impatient and starts taping out a tune with his foot on the floor.
“Well?” He asks. “Anytime now?”
“I’m trying. But to be honest, I have no idea how I did it the first time.” I take a deep breath and concentrate harder on the MP3 player.
“What set you off the first time?” He asks.
“I dunno. I was really mad at him. He insulted my hair.”
Josh grimaces, and then grins. “Anger, that’s it! Anger sets you off!”
“It does?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.
“Okay, I’m gonna start insulting you, but don’t take it seriously, ‘cause I don’t actually mean it.”
“That’s not gonna work.” I tell him.
“Your hair sucks!” He yells it in my face. I roll my eyes.
“You are an idiot.” Josh is obviously trying real hard, as he even retorts to spitting the word ‘idiot’ in my face.
“Ouch.” My voice is thick with sarcasm.
“Your superpower is gay!”
I sigh. “I’m pretty sure there are supers with more homosexual superpowers than destroying electronics.”
He frowns and he face screws up in concentration as he tries to think up a really good insult. I sigh, and go back to trying to re-destroy the MP3 player. I hear him clear his throat. Oh? Will his next insult work? Or will it sink like all the…
“I know you like my sister.” He unexpectedly blurts out.
“What!” I yell. I feel my hands fizzing. It’s working… but… does… he… know…
Suddenly the door opens and none other than Julia herself pokes her head in. I feel a blush redden my cheeks as our eyes meet. Not now! Oh holy mother of holy… I sigh and become lost in her eyes. Her eyes are the most perfect shade of blue, with flecks of white. It’s like a doorway to the sky…
“Why are you guys shouting? And Tim, why are you staring at me like that?”
I blush even harder. “I was… uh… ah…”
Suddenly, without warning, a white lightning bolt of energy slams outta my palm and into the MP3. Sparks are flying everywhere, and I think I can smell something burning. Oh no…
“What the hell?” Julia yells. I slowly lower my palms and pull her into the room, before closing the door behind her. “What are you doing..?”
“Shhh!” I whisper.
“What’s going on?” She asks. “You… just… shot… a lightning bolt! At his desk? Are you a super?”
“Dude!” Josh pumps the air and ignores the shocked look on his twin’s face. “That was totally rad! Better than you described it, man!” We bump fists.
“Tell me what’s going on.” Julia orders.
“Okay, but don’t. Tell. Anyone.” I look her directly in the eye and she nods.
Josh grins at us. “Yo my sister! Tim, here, was demonstrating his superpower!” How Josh is so hyperactively excited about this, I have no idea. “He, has, like the power to destroy electronics!”
Julia bursts into laughter and has to place a hand on the headboard of Josh’s bed to steady herself. “Oh wow.” She manages to gasp between fits of hysteria.
“It’s not that funny…” I mumble.
She sighs, and attempts to contain herself. “Wow. Just wow. You guys are real idiots. How on earth is shooting a lightning bolt at something classified as the power to destroy electronics? It looks like some kind of electric power or lightning power to me.”
I start to speak but Josh interrupts before I can make myself heard. “That’s what Tim said it was, anyway.”
“It only works on electrical devices.” I add.
“Really?” Julia asks, looking intrigued. “Have you tried using your powers on anything else?”
“Well…” I look away. “No… I uh… I haven’t.” She laughs again.
“Here.” Josh offers me his hand. “Try do whatever you do to my hand.”
“I’m not sure if that’s a good idea, man.”
“No, dude. It’s fine. I can handle it.” He nods.
“Josh is right.” Adds Julia. “That doesn’t really sound like the safest of…”
Suddenly, Josh grabs my hand and a split second later, let’s go again and jumps away, swearing.
“…plans.” Finishes Julia.
“Told you so.” I tell Josh, and he responds by swearing again.
“No, I told you so.” Corrects Julia. “What did it feel like?” She asks Josh.
“Electric. Shock.” Josh grumbles and shakes out his hand a few times.
“See? Exactly. Proves my point. Tim, you don’t have the power to destroy electronics, because you just shocked my brother. You must have some kind of electricity of lightning power, like I suggested. Destroying electronics is just a side effect of your power.”
“Oh,” was all I could say. I feel like a complete and utter idiot. IQ of a dead snail. Remember when I was telling you Julia was smart? See what I mean now? Smart.
“Well, that’s good.” I say, relieved. “I thought I was suck with a really crappy superpower, for a while then.”
“That’s not the crappiest superpower that you could be stuck with.” Julia grins, before shooting a glance at Josh. “For example, there’s Diarrhoea Man.”
“Hey!” Josh raises his hands in outrage. “Diarrhoea Man isn’t crappy! He’s the best.”
“Josh.” I sigh. “Have you even considered why he is called Diarrhoea Man?”
“Well, yeah dude, of course.” Josh rolls his eyes. “But that’s not the only thing he can do. He can do. He can also fly, for starters.”
“Most super’s can fly.” I counter. “And if they can’t, they almost always have some kind of equivalent, like teleportation or super speed.”
“What about you then?” Josh challenges. “Can you fly, or teleport, or do something else?”
“Er…” I sheepishly look at the ground. “I haven’t tried…”
“Josh has a point.” Nods Julia. “If you have one superpower, then you’re bound to have several more.”
“X-ray, vision, man!” Josh grins at me and gives me a thumbs up. I laugh. I know what Josh would do if he had x-ray vision, and I also know that I would also have a hard time keeping myself from not doing this.
“What?” Julia asks, confused. And then it hits her. She groans and facepalms. “You would… really?” She sighs and I hear her mumble the word ‘males’ under her breath.
“How long are you staying at our place for?” Julia asks, changing the topic.
“Uh… a few hours, maybe?” I answer, not too sure what time my mother meant by ‘dinner’.
“Good. We can figure them out.” She grins.
“Figure out what?” I ask, confused.
“Your superpowers, idiot.”
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