Dear Journal
It's been a year and a couple of months since everything changed since I changed, I still can't go to certain places without wanting to cry and even If manage to keep my tears on the inside, when I come home all I want to do is me on my own. I guess people are wrong when they say time heals all wounds, I just wish-
"Effie come on, you're going to be late for college and I have to drop you off remember." I heard my mum shout from the bottom of the stairs, I swear sometimes she must think I'm deaf. I quickly apply a new layer of lip gloss, put my journal in my college bag, make sure my college bag is on the back of my chair securely and press the button for the lift to get downstairs. Once I'm downstairs, I turn to go to the kitchen and I am greeted by my lovely, crazy, slightly OCD mother.
"Morning mum, I'll just get a breakfast bar, then we can go." I say trying to calm her nerves, if were late to anything my mum tends to freak out.
"No time, you'll have to get something at college and you also need to remember you have a meeting with your tutor this afternoon." My mum sighs after speaking quickly at the same time as walking towards the front door and holding it open for me. I slowly wheel towards to open door, annoyed at myself for not being able to delay another day of loneliness and avoiding him. I love college I really do, especially since I'm an expert in my course as I do Health and Social care, but it takes energy out of me that I haven't had for a long time and not just because of my cerebral Palsy.
Once my mother had dropped me at college, I grabbed a breakfast bar from the shop and made my way to my first class of the day, which was an hour and a half session about verbal and non-verbal communication with my Health and Social care group, which should be quite interesting.
As I'm making my way to class, I spot a couple of girls from my class waving me over to them, I think their names are Amy and Emily (A.N: only major characters got a description but more might be added later.), I know of them but we aren't really close, the only friend I did make on the course left for a job where she could get the same qualifications, and since then not many people in class have wanted anything to do with me, so Amy and Emily wanting something to do with me is kind of suspicious.
"Hey Effie, me and Emily were talking and we were wondering if you could help us with something?" Amy asks with a sickeningly sweet smile.
"Ummm Sure I guess What's up?" I question them not really knowing what to do in this unusual situation.
"sooooooooo, like, do people with cerebral palsy, like, do it?" As soon as Amy says it, her and Emily both burst out laughing and I can feel my cheeks begin to burn, and all I can do is turn my wheelchair around and find the nearest empty classroom which happens to be the one where my tutor, Miranda, is in, but its better than nothing at this moment in time. I slowly wheel over to the door and knock slightly with my foot, Miranda must have good hearing because her head immediately lifts up and she smiles as she starts heading to open the door, but her smile is thrown when she sees the slightly dried tears on my face.
"Hello Effie, I can see you're not in the best mood, I won't ask if you're okay, but I get the feeling you might need to talk." Miranda says letting me into the classroom.
I park in my usual space and give myself a minute to breathe and collect my thoughts before speaking and then I begin to tell Miranda what happened. After I few minutes of thinking Miranda speaks.
"From what I can tell, you're a lot more mature than many people your own age, and that can be a blessing and a curse, and even though you might not realize it, for a seventeen-year-old, you have a lot on your shoulders and going on in your head with no one to talk even though you probably should.'" Miranda smiles at that, a smile that's supposed to be kind and reassuring, but instead, it fills me with dread.
"One of my friends runs a support group for teens who just need to not feel alone anymore, I know you probably hate the idea at the moment but I'll give you the business card I have for it and then you can make up your mind, and who knows you may find what you've been missing." She reaches into her desk drawer and pulls out a small piece of card and it reads.
Miranda then lets me skip the first lesson to take some time to collect myself and think about what I wanted to do. I ended up texting my friend, the one who left college.
Effie: Hey chick, what you up to, I could do with a friend right now xx
While I wait for a reply, I get my journal out my bag and finish my entry from this morning.
Dear Journal
It's been a year and a couple of months since everything changed since I changed, I still can't go to certain places without wanting to cry and even If manage to keep my tears on the inside, when I come home all I want to do is me on my own. I guess people are wrong when they say time heals all wounds, I just wish I knew why he did what he did, was it me? Was it him? Was it just bad timing or something else entirely? But maybe I have to accept to live without answers for a while, as hard as that is.
Just as I finish writing my phone pings.
Millie: Hey chick, what's going on, do you need to vent? xx
Effie: how could you guess xx
And then I vented.
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