After my average Monday half-day at college, which is basically me not wanting to be there, even if I do have some pretty cool tutors and other members of staff who just want to help me succeed, with whatever that maybe, I usually enjoy going home to a quiet house and having the TV to myself while my mum does whatever she does. The thing that many people tend to not understand about my relationship with my mum is that, yes, we love each and I would never want anything bad to happen to her, but having a "relationship" with a parent is never supposed to make you, a 17-year-old teenager, feel like the adult.
As I make my way up the driveway towards my house, I see my mums car parked outside, which starts the imaginary alarm bells off already, as it's a Monday afternoon and I normally don't see my mum till around half seven on a Monday night. As I drop my bag at the door after entering the front door, I can immediately feel and notice that something isn't right.
"Mum, I'm home, I saw the car in the driveway, is everything okay?" I shouted, heading towards the kitchen to grab something to eat.
As I get closer to the kitchen. Through a slight crack in the door, I see my mum sat next to the back-door smoking, which annoys me because she said she'd stopped. As I enter the kitchen and my mum takes no notice, it's like she's in her own world.
"I was shouting to you; didn't you hear me? And I thought you stopped with that crap weeks ago." I say, with a hint of annoyance.
"Don't start anything with me today Effie, I'm really not in a good mood for your attitude today." She sighs as she takes another drag.
"Aren't you going to ask how my day was? Well, I'll tell you anyway, it was pretty average, just an average day, tiny bit of drama with two girls this morning, I had a slight mental breakdown, but all of that's nothing because your not in the mood, and I do hope your aware that those things could give you cancer" I say all of this and not even a facial movement of my lovely mother, so I grab my food and as I'm about to exit the kitchen, my mum puts her cig out and turns towards me.
"I told you that I didn't want any attitude from you, but you never listen, and have you ever thought that could be why you haven't had any luck with keeping any friends or relationships." She says as she gets up and heads to the living room to watch TV, and for a moment I'm stunned, hurt and confused because my mum hasn't acted this way in a while, and then it dawns on me that she's probably gone off her bipolar and depression meds. So instead of watching TV, I take my food, struggle to pick my bag off the hallway floor and take the lift to my room.
After calming down and eating my food, I begin to hunt through my bag to find my journal and phone, but as I'm searching through my bag, I stumble across the business card Miranda gave me earlier on.
I begin to think about everything that's happened over the past year and it dawns on me that maybe Miranda was right, maybe if I did have a group of people to talk to about everything that goes on in my life and talk about how I feel, maybe it might make a difference. I decided to get my laptop out and email the women who run the group, Tia McGee.
To: TiaMcGee@googlemail.com516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYJfKdrnWl
From: EffieWhite@gmail.com516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEADR6jg3a
Subject: any open places? 516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0zRZcjDGB
Hi Tia, 516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYIsrIK96GA
I got your card off one of my tutors from Righton college, as she felt like it might benefit me to talk to a group of people about how I feel, as well as help me socially. Are there any places available for me to join and if so when should I try to make it?
I will warn you now, I can come across rather awkward and shy but that is because of past experiences.
If you could get back to me as soon as possible, that would be helpful.
Thanks, Effie
As soon as I pressed send, the nerves began to fill my body, not because I regretted it, mainly because I was a different person on that email than I am in real life. To try and take my mind off things, I put my TV on and just as I'm about to put the new episode of Riverdale on, my computer alerts me to a new email.
To: EffieWhite@gmail.com516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRFfrrqukM
From: TiaMcGee@googlemail.com516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBgS8QLWnEB
Subject: Re: any open places? 516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrmhBcT7ng
Hi Effie,516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRhoJheA86
I was expecting an email from you as Miranda filled me in earlier, lucky for you there are several available at this moment in time and I have group sessions on a Monday and Friday, if you have no plans at 6'o'clock or if you really want to get out of the house, I don't see why you couldn't join us tonight, you don't have to speak or anything but you could get an idea of what goes on.516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgIse5lE76Q
Tia x
The time is 16:30, so I have an hour and a half to get ready and get there for six.
I head over to my wardrobe to try and chose what to wear, I settle on a cropped white blouse with long sleeves and fake buttons down the middle, almost like the top half of a medieval dress, a pair of skinny denim jeans, in just the right shade, not too dark, not too light and a pair of white platform wedges with lace, I do my hair in a plait and redo my makeup more naturally with nude eyeshadow and glossy pink lips. After one final look in the mirror and putting my phone and purse in my mini white lace backpack, I feel ready and as I check the time on my phone, I have half an hour of travel time available. I head downstairs to tell my mum that I'm off out.516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6phgSTDonB
"Just to let you know, I'm going out mum, I won't be back till around 8, don't wait up." I shout heading for the door.516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAqHmYVXvK
As I wheel towards Righton community and youth centre, all I can think about is what people will think about me, will they see the wheelchair before me, or me before the wheelchair.
As I round the corner of the street, a little over ten minutes later, I come across Righton community and youth centre. Originally, the centre used to be used 24/7 for all kinds of different activities, such as village fairs, school concerts, discos, and your occasional church gathering, up until a few years ago anyway. Nowadays it's barely used at all, to be honest, I thought they'd knocked it down, till today of course, when I found out it was being used by this support group. Id got here okay, minus a few bumpy drop curbs and people staring at me like I'm new to the village, but driving up to the entrance was a nerve-wracking experience, it looked like most of the other teens got here early to socialize, so I felt a bit out of place. The next thing I noticed was the lack of accessibility, which panicked me greatly, I knew no one here yet I would have to ask for help. Luckily though help found me.516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcMmkeCI6Y
"Hey, you look a little lost, I'm guessing this is your first meeting with us." I hear a voice say from behind me, as I turn around, I come face to face with a rather good-looking guy, not that my taste says anything, especially if my past is anything to go by.516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTJUvrhXK7
"Was it that easy to tell?" I mentally facepalm, feeling my face redden.516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjn4H9yyZD
"No, don't worry, I just come to this group enough to be able to tell the difference, which says more about me than you, I'm West and you must be Effie?" He laughs at my surprised face, as he clearly hasn't explained himself properly.516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0E5ZmpU8u4
"Tia told me we'd have someone new joining group for an hour or so tonight, she only told me your name and age, nothing else don't worry." We both chuckle.516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75bYNpNWVV
"Good to know your not just some creepy stalker, and by any chance has Tia asked you to help me find the wheelchair access because otherwise, you can't get to know me anymore as I won't be able to get." I smile at him as he laughs at me already figuring out the scenario that is unfolding,516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSeJgKY2qpo
"Well then, if you follow me, this discussion might just continue, if your lucky enough that is." He smirks and I roll my eyes, as I'm not amused by cocky guys, not since him. West begins to guide me around the back of the building to what looks like an old maintenance door with a ramp, it's covered in dust, dirt and god knows what else, and it looks like it hasn't been used since the seventies.516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhSW99B8nNZ
"Now, any questions before you enter because once you're in, its hard to get back out again, especially if you start talking to Annie. Oh, and just as a general notice, we try not to judge books by covers and all that." He says as he begins to pull at the rusted door.516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bjS8kCwQ7
"No, I don't think so, though I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous." After I've said this, West finally manages to open the door and with that, we enter.
After a small walk from the door we come across a room with a circle of people sat down, as West enters first, I feel all eyes on me and it takes almost all my energy to not turn around and leave, but I take a deep breath and continue in to the room, I see that West has moved a chair in order for me to join the circle next him and who I'm guessing must be Tia. After navigating my chair into position, I finally get a chance to have a quick look around the people in the circle before Tia begins to speak.516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJt6AaBgJpE
"As we have a possible new member with us tonight, it seems only right to introduce ourselves individually, so, I will start off. Hi, my name is Tia, I am a support worker for the local education and wellbeing board, and I have worked with teens for nearly fifteen years. I love reading and I have a pet Labrador called Willow, who would like to go next?" she smiles around the room, until a girl, probably around my age raises her hand, she has blonde hair, tanned skin and emerald green eyes.516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTcb5Ddy5E
"Hi, my name is Annie, I'm seventeen and I love to dance, so much in fact that I'm head cheerleader/dance captain, everyone thinks I'm a perfect girl but I'm far from that." She looks off wistfully. 516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zuwde1pmL
"Hi, I'm Rose." Is all the next girl says, she looks to be around eighteen and she has straight black hair and forest brown eyes with flecks of different colours, which are hard to make out because of the thick-rimmed glasses she wears.516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxNFBP3bsB
"Hi, I'm Mark, I'm 18 years old and I have issues. " Mark Looks like your classic geek, but in a good way and I felt like laughing at how confident he was with admitting he had issues. After going around a few more people in the circle, its finally time for either me or West to talk, I can feel my muscles tighten as even the idea off talking about my self terrifies, West must notice because the next thing I notice is him talking instead of me.
"Hi, my name is West, I am nineteen years old, I grew up around Righton and I've been coming to this group for around two years or so now, sometimes to work and sometimes to talk myself." He smiles slightly, as if remembering a better time, not that I have much time to think about it as it becomes my time to shine.
"Hey, my name is Effie, I'm seventeen, I study Health and Social care at Righton college, and I was born thirteen weeks early, which resulted in me having a condition called Cerebral Palsy." I say, unsure of how to approach the massive elephant in the room.
"If anyone has any questions, I would rather answer them now and get them out the way tonight, if that's okay with Tia of course." I say with the little confidence I have left, out of the corner of my eye, I see Tia nod her head slowly, so I take a deep breath and wait for the questions to start rolling in (pun intended).
"What exactly is Cerebral Palsy?" I hear Annie say from across the circle.
"Cerebral Palsy is a type of disability, which is caused by lack of oxygen at birth or other forms of brain damage, it can affect people physically and mentally in many different ways." I raise my voice as my confidence is always at peak when I talk about my disability.
"How does it affect you then?" I hear Mark question.
"I'm effected purely physically; I can't do the daily activities everyone takes for granted without struggling or needing added help most of the time. I also suffer from high muscle tone, which means I am more prone to muscle spasms, and it affects me socially because I find it hard to maintain friendships because of the disability." As I get to the end of the sentence, I begin to feel my cheeks burn, mainly because I haven't had the spotlight on me for this long in a while.
"Can you be in relationships and stuff then?" the only question I didn't want, comes from Mark and I can feel myself needing to get out of there.
"Ummm.. I think I'm just going to go out for some air, I'll be back in a minute." I say quickly, as I can feel the memories and the tears slowly building up, I head towards the door only to remember I cant actually open the door.
"Hey Effie, wait up at least let me get the door for you." West says running after me, I try and reply with a yes but all that comes out are a few stray tears, but thankfully West understands and gets the door for me anyway, and as I try and regain my composure, I manage to muster a thank you and a smile of appreciation. Once we're outside and I realize that West isn't leaving anytime soon. I know I need to say something.
"I swear I'm not usually like this, I'm just not very good with talking about my past relationships because I have an awful taste in guys that treat me like crap and it makes me feel really insecure." I say, turning to face West. I then get taken back by his actions as he bends down to talk to me at my level.
"Now you can't tell anyone I say stuff like this because, in the group, I have a reputation for being a bit of jerk, but, even though I've only just met you tonight, I can tell you two things, number one, out of all the people in that room tonight, you're the most mentally strong and you don't need to tell me you're whole story for me to guess that you've had a pretty shit time when it comes to friendships and relationships. Number two, whichever guy who broke your heart is clearly messed up in the head because your funny, intelligent and pretty gorgeous, now, are you gonna come back in, have a laugh and possibly make a few friends who won't judge you as much as you think." West smiles at me, but my muscles are too tense to drive and I think West notices as he slowly strokes my hands in order to try and relax me, which works and we go back in, acting as though nothing happened for the rest of the night, and by the end of my first session I've managed to get Annie and Marks number, unfortunately, West left early and I wasn't able to get his number.
By the time I get home my mum was in bed as it was nearly nine and I'd stayed longer than originally planned, so I went upstairs to write in my journal and get into bed.
Dear Journal
Today I improved, it may only have been a small step but I met some new people and I think one of them is more of a mystery than the rest but I'm excited to learn more about these few people who have given me a strange sense of hope, I will admit, I did think about he who shall not be named for a few moments, but that is all.
516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLO8QXewoM2
