So far me and West have been walking/wheeling for ten minutes and he hasn't asked me any questions, I'm beginning to wonder if he was just having me on, which would suck because he's kind of cool once you get past the cockiness. I'm too busy in my own thoughts that it takes me a minute to realise that West has stopped walking and is trying to get my attention.
"Now we've successfully started our journey, and if I remember correctly, we had a deal?" Even though it's starting to get dark, I can still see the faint smirk playing on West's face as I wheel round to face him.
"And if I remember correctly, it was your idea, so I was waiting for you to start the deal off." I smirk back knowing he has no choice but to ask me a question.
"Oh, like that is it? Well, my first question for you is why are you so self-conscious about your disability?" After he asks, he sits on the bench next to us on the pavement.
"Way to start at the deep end, and I guess it just stems from failed friendships and messed up trust issues and as a child I got it drilled into me that I wasn't like everyone else, which now I say it out loud it seems pretty stupid." I say, immediately looking down at my hands, mainly because I can feel myself blushing.
"It's nothing to feel stupid about, don't worry, clearly you've just been hanging around with a lot of people that are either lacking maturity or are blind, either way, it's not you, it's them." West chuckles, which makes me feel brave and relaxed enough to look up and ask West a question.
"Okay, your turn, why do you go to a support group when you seem like you have a good life?" I ask, intrigued as to what the answer could be.
"I do have a good life but that doesn't mean I don't struggle with certain things, I just don't mention them because other people have bigger struggles than me most of the time, so I go to a support group to keep myself grateful, but sometimes I snap and push everyone away for a few days. Anyway, we should probably keep going if you ever want to get home." West sighs, and I get the feeling people don't ask him questions like that often. We continue for another five minutes or so before West is asking me another question.
"So, why did you join a support group, and I don't mean the generic, I feel alone, or I'm messed up, I mean something you haven't talked about yet." He asks and part of me panics, should I mention the fucked up past relationship or the mentally ill and controlling mother, both make me seem more messed up than most, so I decide to give West a choice.
"you have the choice of two options right now, either the mother or the ex, both are things I think only my journal knows the full story to, so count yourself lucky that I'm letting you pick." I laugh, hoping the ease my nerves even the slightest amount, I'm just glad I'm distracted trying to not fall off the pavement otherwise I think I'd feel ten times worse.
"Well then, I feel honoured and for this question I will choose the ex, I would love to know which idiotic dick let you walk away." He says with a hint of something I can't quite figure out in his tone, I also don't think I was supposed to hear the last part as he tried to whisper it but clearly it didn't work out for him the way he wanted to, which makes me smile and blush before I realise I have to tell him all about Seth, fun times.
"Okay, you'll have to bear with me as this is a story, I haven't told anyone in a while. His name was Seth Grover and at the time we were fifteen heading towards sixteen and you can imagine what that time was like, but our relationship started in November two or so years ago, nearly three now and at first it was great apart from him not wanting to tell people, and at first I thought it was cute that he wanted to protect me from the people who would take the piss out of our relationship, but other than that it was a typical first love situation, you know first kisses and first sexual experience which lead to him wanting to do more stuff and me not being too sure because of the disability, first fight, which should have been a warning but I was naïve back then and I thought he'd grow out of wanting to get high with his friends and not replying to my texts when all I wanted to know was if he was okay and if he needed anything, and then one night we were just texting and he broke up with me out of bloody nowhere and his reasoning was that it was just never going to work, and then for the past two years or so he'll message me when he's bored or drunk, which always ends up with me crying and him not remembering because he's just that wasted or he just doesn't care." I finish the story, taking a shaky breath, trying to not let the sobs out, and West must sense something like that because he manages to guide me and my chair over to another nearby bench. Part of me hopes that West won't say anything because if he does, at this point I think it will just make me feel a thousand times more stupid than I already do, but I realise my luck ran out a long time as West begins to speak.
"I don't actually know what to say Effie, part of me wants to find this guy and have ago at him even though I've only known you twenty-four hours, but another part of me just wants to sit here, hold you and try to show you people aren't as shit as him. I can't believe someone would be that arrogant and selfish, it astounds me. I know you probably have heard this way too many times before, but someone who treats you like that doesn't deserve you in anyway whatsoever, and I can also probably guess you think it's your fault, that you were too needy or that you expected too much but I can guarantee someone, someday will be thankful that you have that much belief in them." I wait for West to continue but after a few seconds I know he has stopped.
"So, I know we haven't known each other very long but would you help a girl out of her chair so she could feel normal for a few minutes before we continue our journey?" I look up, not knowing what to expect as it's a completely new situation for me to get out of my chair in front of people I don't know, but with West its comfortable.
"Normal is overrated but just because it's you, I will try and help just show and tell me what to do I guess." West gives me a smile, I can tell he's nervous and not wanting to hurt me, so I start off by telling him to lift my feet off my footrest and slowly lifting the annoying object up, which goes pretty smoothly. It's the next bit which could end up being way too awkward, I tell West to stand up and come closer so he can pick me up off me chair, he undoes my lap belt and waits for my further instructions. Here goes nothing.
"Right so, the best way to do this is probably if you wrap your arms around me and I can try not to injure you with my-" Before I have time to finish my sentence, I can feel hands slowing grabbing my bony waist, stupid disability for not letting me gain weight whatsoever, poor West, he probably thinks I don't eat or I have some kind of eating disorder which people have said to me in the past, I'm in my head that much, I don't even realise I'm sat on the bench with West's arm around my waist loosely to stop me from spasming and falling, clearly he has paid more attention than I thought he had.
"Now you feel "normal", you should probably ask me another question, shouldn't you?" It takes me a minute to recover my senses before I look up at West's smirking and incredibly hot face, oh my god, what am I thinking. Actually, that gives me an idea.
"Okay, if you wish for another question you can have one, are you in a relationship at the moment?" I smirk, weirdly hoping he says no, but knowing my luck he'll be gay.
"I can't tell if you want to know my sexuality or if you just want to know if I'm in a relationship or not, but I'll give you answers to both questions in a minute." I wonder what he means, but I realise what he means when my body goes into spasm because I'm being moved from my seat next to West onto his lap, my back pressed against his chest as he wraps his arms around me, and its only then that I realise just how cold I was without my chair cushion surrounding my tense body.
"I noticed you were shivering, so I thought I'd try and warm you up, and if you hadn't noticed I'm very much into the female sex and I haven't been in a relationship since I was seventeen. I thought you would know this with how much I've been trying to flirt with you, but after tonight's conversation, I understand why you were blind to my attempts." West chuckles and I can feel his breath against my neck and goose bumps appear all over my body, and I'm actually lost for words, and then the worst thing happens, I begin to spasm but I can feel myself relax against West as he tries to ease my spasm and discomfort by slowly helping me breath through it and stroking my back. Once my spasm has subsided, I just take comfort in the moment and try not to feel too embarrassed or awkward about the situation, but my mind gets the better of me.
"I don't want to ruin the moment or anything but are we okay to get back on our journey as I feel rather awkward sitting like this on a public path, plus I could do with a hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows, your welcome to join if you wish to continue our deal." I smirk, knowing I've got him as he wants my number just as bad, if not more.
"Your wish is my command Chica, I still very much like our deal and wish to continue getting to know you." I can feel West smile against my neck as he helps me get back in my chair and helps me get comfortable for the rest of our walk.
The rest of the walk is pretty fun, I learn that me and West have a lot of the same taste in music, Ed Sheeran, Shawn Mendes and a lot of indie music that isn't very popular, but he hates country music, and I've made it my mission to change his mind. I've also learnt he despises horror movies, loves comedies and is okay with the odd romantic comedy.
Five minutes later and we're at the top of my drive and I'm not wanting the night to stop, for the first time in a long while, I haven't felt completely bored and miserable on a night.
"One last question before I give you my number and I let you go, in your opinion, what is the most important part of a relationship?" West asks, which throws me off guard, I didn't expect the last question to be such a deep one.
"Trust, there has to be trust, because without trust you don't have anything, no communication, no respect and no relationship." I say confident in my beliefs, and when I look at West, I know he agrees.
"For a second then I thought you were going to say communication, which wouldn't have been a bad choice but I also see trust as a non-negotiable ingredient of a relationship cake, I guess you can have my number now, though I was hoping if you trusted me, you would have invited me in, but I also understand if you're not ready for me to know every crazy detail of your life just yet." West smiles as he leans against one of the gates on the drive and I'm taken back by his words. On one hand I think West might be right, my life is too crazy and maybe I don't want him to see some parts of it yet, but on another hand, I've only known West twenty-four hours and he knows more than most and I do trust him, I'm just scared that once he sees everything, he'll turn away as everyone else has. Before I can think any further, I'm wheeling towards West and reaching for his hands.
"West, I'm going to be honest with you, the thought of you knowing everything about my messed life scares the shit out of me because if you come through those doors, that means something to me. It means you won't judge me and how I have to do things, my mum and all the drama that comes with her, it means understanding that I've been hurt way too many times which has left me with a few issues, but most importantly if you don't think you can handle any of this, you need to tell me now so I don't let my guard down and let you in." I say, feeling oddly calm, like a weight is off my shoulders. As I'm waiting for West's answer, I feel myself being pulled to my feet and I decide to stop looking at the ground as I feel arms snake around my waist to keep me up.
"Do you really still have doubts about me leaving when I see what goes on in your life? Do you in all seriousness think I would use a whole night trying to get to know you, to then turn around and leave? I know you've had a lot of people leave you when you needed them the most but hopefully I'm not one of those people, and I promise as your friend and whatever becomes of us in the future, I won't judge and I'm pretty sure after hearing about your incredibly moronic ex and your strange music tastes, that I can handle anything, so for the love both of our sanity's, lets get this over and done with." West chuckles, still holding me up, I reach out to pull him into a hug but before I can do it, West is one step ahead and is already helping me wrap my arms around his waist as he pulls me against his chest, and after a minute my body begins to fully relax as I feel West place a kiss on top of my head, and together we stand there, neither of us wanting to let go.
Eventually, the slight chill that's in the air takes over and we separate, I give West one last smile before sitting back down and heading toward my front door, with West following behind me.
ns 15.158.61.8da2
