I sit halfway on my bed, crying for what seems to be the umpteenth time since we escaped, and left Regina. After the war, and after we got captured, I didn’t think that we would make it out alive. Regina especially. We still don’t know where she is. Well, we sort of know where she is. We don’t know if she’s alive. She could’ve died.
Thinking about that war is hard. The war that changed my life. The war that could’ve destroyed my life. All the same thing.
However, since that war, things have changed in the kingdom. They appointed me Guard Captain, and Elena is Duchess. Alton, well, I still don't trust him farther then I can throw him. Which is not very far. It got even worse when Lorela was murdered. Of course, she was killed when I became Guard Captain, at the ceremony. Ben is still alive, but I hardly see him. At any rate, the only person I know I can trust is Elena. Of course, that only makes me want to find Regina even more. So, I know that I will find Regina. I will find her to prove myself.
I had run out my room, to where I stood on the balcony of Regina's room. I stood, perched like a bird, ready to leap if anything attacked. If anything or anyone attacked, I had two choices. Jump off the balcony, which would result in serious injuries, or fight, which would result in people finding me. I think that either of them would be horrible.
I've changed a lot over the past few weeks. I used to be happy, perky, bright, and bubbly. Now I'm sad, quiet, shy, and icy. If Lorela saw me, she'd wonder where the real me was. At any rate, the real me would be with these 3 people. One is Regina. She, however, is far and possibly dead. Another one is Ben. My half-brother that really is like a brother. However, it's impossible to get away from the palace any time now. The last one is Leon. The one person who I could always talk to. The man who stole my heart, and managed to keep me from taking it back. The person I haven’t seen in 3 months. He promised me he would always be there.
*Flashback*
Leon and Naidia stood at the edge of a meadow, right by the forest. "Remember, Captain Naidia Mickleson, I'll always be here, so if you need to cry, throw inkpots at someone, scream, or just talk to me, “Leon said.
*Back to the Present time*
I looked down at my feet. I couldn't cry now, not when I needed to be the brave, strong Naidia I used to be. Still creative, but brave.
I took a small notebook from my pocket, and opened it. My songbook. The one thing I put all my emotions into.
I slowly began to sing a song I wrote weeks ago.
I know the end, I know it's coming. There's nothing left for me to do.
Even though you and I always fought, I know I'm gonna miss you in the morning.
You were always taking care of me, watching over me, so I've decided that if I'm gonna have someone to be next to me, it's gonna be you.
If I have one last dream, I want you next to me.
I always knew that no matter what, you always had my back.
You would always take care of me. You would always keep me safe. You always kept me sound when you were around.
I know that if I needed a spark, you would be there to light the way. You and I could make a fire of dreams.
If I ever needed a light to guide my way, you'd be there. If I ever needed shelter, you'd be there.
If there is ever one person on this Earth I would want to spend my whole life with, it's you.
If I have one last dream, I want you to be next to me.
If there's one last dream before the end, I want you to be net to me. With me, next to me.
If I'm gonna have one person to be next to me, it's you.
If I have one last dream, I want you next to me.
You next to me.
It was one of those songs that you write in your head, that you don't really get onto paper until you need it to be on paper.
I started crying again, because that song was the one thing that made me think of Regina. Well, and Lorela. The two people I know couldn't help me now. I just had to focus my energy on finding Regina.
With that, I headed to the forest.
.
Apparently, you can’t go into the forest when there is a meeting that in is half a hour. Lesson learned. Well, if I have 30 minutes, that’ll give me time to put on my guard uniform. It’s normal, just a blue coat with a gold stripe on the sleeve, with black pants.
I quickly get dressed, then look at the clock. 25 minutes. Wow. I looked across the room. A bookshelf, a desk. A dresser, a nightstand. It was all quite normal.
(Misguided Ghosts by Paramore)
I am going away for a while, I’ll be back. Don’t try and follow me. ‘Cause I’ll return as soon as possible. See I’m trying to find my place, and it might not be here where I feel safe. We all learn to make mistakes, and run from them, from them, with no conviction. We’ll run from them, from them, with no direction.
Cause I’m just one of those ghosts. Traveling endlessly. Don’t need no roads. In fact they follow me. And we just go in circles.
Now I’m told that this is life, and pain is just a simple compromise. So we can get what we want out of it. Would someone care to classify our broken hearts and twisted minds, so I can find someone to rely on and run to them, to them, full speed ahead. No you are not useless.
We are just misguided ghosts. Traveling endlessly. The ones we trusted the most pushed us far away. And there’s no one road. And we should not be the same. But I’m just a ghost. And still they echo me.
They echo me in circles.
I don’t even know how I started singing that, all I could guess was that the words started flowing out of my mouth. Interesting.
I started down the hallway, wanting to get to the meeting early. By the time I got there, some people were there. Elena was there. Technically, she was the only one I knew there. We were all gathering to discuss Duchess Regina.
After a few minutes, Elena started the meeting.
“We are all here today to discuss my mother..Duchess Regina,”she said.
“Duchess Elena, the council has made a plan. We will send a team, led by Lieutenant Alton, to go find the Duchess,”said a council member.
Wait..led by Alton? What about Elena and I?? I for one am not going to sit and watch them try to find Regina. Alton may have also been captured, I know where she is. Elena knows where she is.
“Why is Alton leading the team, and not Duchess Elena or myself, “I asked.
“Because. We need Duchess Elena leading the kingdom, and you protecting her. We can’t risk her getting hurt, “the member said.
“It wasn’t my fault that Duchess Regina got kidnapped. Duchess Elena, Alton, and myself got kidnapped to!”
“Well, we still need her to rule the kingdom, and you to protect her!”
“Still, she’s the Duchess, and I’m the Guard Captain! That means that one of us should be leading the envoy !”
“Naidia, don’t get yourself into trouble,” said Alton.
“Alton, you of all people. ” That was me.
“No, let him speak. He is the leader of the envoy.”
“Fine. I’ll let him speak. AFTER Duchess Elena gives her opinion on this.”
“I do agree with Naidia. Duchess Regina is my own mother, and I should be going with them. Even though Alton was captured, one of us, Captain Naidia or myself should be leading the envoy ,”said Elena.
“You see! Even Duchess Elena agrees!”
“Um..as the leader of this envoy, I do think I should lead it. We need the Duchess and Captain to stay here, to prevent another war,” said Alton.
“Alton, the people who should be leading this are Duchess Elena or myself!”
“Really, it should be Alton! We need Duchess Elena and Captain Naidia to stay here!”
“You’re being stupid,”I shouted. Then I ran out of the room. I didn’t need to stay in that room if it was just going to make me scream at them even more. I just needed to get this out of my head. All of it out of my head. Swordfighting practice. Or hand-to-hand combat.
Tilt my face back, water fills my lungs. But does that stop me? No,no, nooo. Yeah, no, no, nooo. This happened a trillion times before, probably gonna happen a trillion times more.
I could just scream right now, but I’m taking a different path. I could just scream right now, but I’m not gonna let you have the last laugh. Been working my whole life for this, not gonna let you just take it. I could just scream right now, but I’m not gonna let you win.
Last time before this, I could hardly take it. You were fuming, and I was screaming. It was sort of like this.
I could just scream right now, but I’m taking a different path. I could just scream right now, but I’m not gonna let you have the last laugh. Been working my whole life for this, not gonna let you just take it. I could just scream right now, but I’m not gonna let you win.
You can’t take everything from me. Yeah, yeah, yeahh.
I could just scream right now, but I’m taking a different path. I could just scream right now, but I’m not gonna let you have the last laugh. Been working my whole life for this. I could just scream right now, but I’m not gonna let you win.
No, even if I could just practice, it wouldn’t help me get the anger out. Lorela always used to sing to me, even when I was mad. She was the one who had taught me that song.
With that, I headed back to my chambers.
Maybe reading, or singing would help me calm down. I sat down on my bed, and thought of the perfect song.
(Take my Place by Lily Allen)
As I lay down on the bed. Try’na come to terms with what was just said. I don’t know where I should look or what I should just say. Is this happening to us today?
If I could then I would scream. I’d wipe the tears off my face. Wake me up if it’s a dream. This is more then I can take. I’d give everything I own if someone would take my place. Will someone please take my place?
How could life be so unfair? I can’t breathe, I’m choking on the air. It’s all over, I can see it in your eyes. Pull my hand down, heavily I sigh.
If I could then I would scream. I’d wipe the tears off my face. Wake me up if it’s a dream. This is more then I can take. I’d give everything I own if someone would take my place. Will someone please take my place?
If I could then I would scream. I’d wipe the tears off my face. Wake me up if it’s a dream. This is more then I can take. I’d give everything I own if someone would take my place. Will someone please take my place??
There. The perfect song to describe my mood. I was in a horrible position. My sister was dead, Regina was possibly dead, Elena was duchess at 14, and I couldn’t go on the envoyage to help find Regina. This was horrible.
I looked at the mirror and took in my appearance. Blond hair, blue eyes. Tall, pale. Well, I was glad that I looked like I fit in with the others. I had grown up like them, so it wasn’t that hard to blend in. Grey shirt, black pants, barefoot, blond hair tied back in a grey ribbon I stole,grey knapsack, knife in my boot. As long as I didn’t tell them my name, I’d be fine. Wait..they’d definitely ask my name. Hmm..I need a alias. Well, I have many of them. This time I’ll use Bella Anderson.
I walked out of the palace, avoiding the guards. They’d get suspiscous. And I didn’t need to add more people to the list of how many people want to kill or arrest me. That list was getting a bit long. I kept my head down, and didn’t look at at of them. Easy. Done.
As I walked through the village, I was looking for one person. Leon. I hope he got my letter. Then he wouldn’t be worried about me. I spotted a glimpse of someone that looked a bit like Elena. Odd. I wonder what she would be doing here.
Wait.. if they had both of us missing, Alton would get a letter from someone back at the castle, and would know that we were going to be following him. Well, I hope he doesn’t learn about this. If he does, we're in trouble.
I stood right by the edge of the forest, where I had seen Alton go. I still hadn’t been discovered, but that was a bit normal. This had been very successful so far. I knew Elena had left, because the people were talking about it. I played with the necklace Lorela gave to me, for my 14th birthday. Right before she had to go into the war. The thought of it made me so upset. But it also made me want to fight more. They only make me want to fight harder. Even Elena not really saying anything just upset me. Leon, well, he was a different story. Once, on a rainy day, we went to the library. He had found a poem to describe us.
She was a liar and he was a thief
Suspended inside different stages of grief
When nobody listened despite how she sung
She learned to twist truth on the tip of her tongue
His pockets were laden with diamonds and keys
So no one could see the blood on his knees
They lived worlds apart but one thing they both knew
“I’m fine” sounds the same even when it’s not true
-E.H
We both had loved that poem. Alton would’ve killed me if he knew. Alton… the person I was tracking. Oh, this would be good. I hear a bit of talking, and it sounded like Alton and someone.. a girl?? Sistine, coming from what Alton said. Odd. Very odd… well, it could be… no, she couldn’t have cought up that quickly.. and I hadn’t slept, which was why I was right here. . Regina wasn’t that far, I think. I think. I keep walking. I need to catch up to Alton and that girl. It shouldn’t be that hard. Or it will be hard, and I just don’t know it yet. Well, I must keep walking.
As soon as it reaches nightfall, I find a good place to camp- under a tree- and quickly fall asleep.
I jerk my head up. Bells. That’s all I hear in my dreams. Or rather, nightmares. The nightmares about home. The ones that never go away. No matter how hard I try. They are the reasons I try not to sleep. The reasons I can never sleep, for the fear of waking up and finding that it isn’t a dream, that it’s real life. The fear of that my dreams really will come true. I know that most people want dreams to come true, but it’s a fear for me. It might disappear, but I doubt it. I never had these dreams before the war, at least not regularly. Now I have them nightly. When I still lived with Ben, and when I would have these nightmares in the middle of the night, Ben would come read with me in my bedroom, and soon I would fall asleep. Ben, well, I miss him. I hadn’t seen him since I became Guard Captain, and here I was going and rescuing Duchess Regina. I really am crazy. Ben always said I was crazy. I guess this is me just accepting it.
I get up and start walking. Alton must’ve slept, so if he’s still sleeping, that’ll give me a head start. The girl..Sisitne, or Tina.. she must still be traveling with him. From what I heard yesterday, she’s a thief. Alton is most likely captured her. Or she just kept annoying him. I always do that to Alton. Well, and I do occasionally steal from him. Stars, if he finds out about that, I’m dead. Very muchly dead. However, this girl, this Tina girl, she must’ve somehow convinced him to not kill her. Stars know I might’ve hurt her. Might’ve is a very important word in that sentence. Maybe I should meet her before I start making threats toward her.
As I walk, I see a girl that looks like Elena. Same hair, only down and on her neck. Same dark green eyes, although there are circles under them. Same pale skin, even though bruises were all over her skin. Same exact height. Huh. Either it really is Elena, or someone who looks almost exactly like Elena is walking around. I’m 99.9 % sure it really is Elena. Unless Elena has a twin sister. Which I would find very hard to believe, because Elena would’ve mentioned a sister. Regina would’ve mentioned that Elena has a sister. I would’ve found out, at least.
By the time I start getting a bit closer to the girl, I can see red hair poking up. Alton! Yes! I’m finally getting a bit closer. The Sistine/Tina girl is still traveling with him. Odd. I guess that he just let her follow him. I really just hope that he didn’t tell her where he was going. That would be a bit chaotic. Elena and I would have to catch up to him.
I quickly scale a near by tree, climb up to a space where if I jumped off the branch, I would land on my feet, and jumped off the branch. Right in front of Alton and Sistine.
“Well, hello, Alton and Sistine,” I say
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