Maybe that's because in my whole life--if this could be called a life--I considered a useless, pessimist and negative being. Maybe if I had been more positive from the start, it wouldn't be like this.
After all, I'm the only conscious form of a month that can feel deaths.
When it's May, I can feel the death of everyone who dies in that exact moment. Mind you, it's not exactly the nicest feeling, quite the opposite, actually.
It's like a bunch of thorns piercing through your heart and a dozen knives slicing to your organs. I would rather be burned alive.
Also, since people are dying very frequently, I feel this basically every second. Obviously, only when May comes around, but thirty days of absolute suffering? Nope.
Too bad it isn't actually a choice for me.
Sometimes I wonder why I'm not like the others. By others, I meant the other consciousness of months.
For some reason, they cannot feel the deaths of people. Instead, they feel their birth. Every time their month comes around, they always talk about it--how amazing it felt; like you've been reborned.
Too bad, I've never felt it in my whole life.
One day, something good happened fit once. I was looking around, here and there. Even though I didn't have an actual visible form, it was nice going around the human world once in a while.
There was this large, gigantic abandoned library. It was my favourite place, where I could read in quiet. Of course, I do have the five senses even though I cannot physically do anything. Does that make sense?
To make something around me move, I usually create wind. I would blow on a book I want to read until it fell, and then blow every time I want to open a page. It's quite hard to explain, but I hope you get the picture.
Aside from reading, I guess I quite enjoy writing random things. Most of them end up to be depressing and all that though.
That day, I realized that there was a book I hadn't read. I thought I had read all of them, until I sensed the presence of that book.
After managing to open it, I read it carefully. The book was generaly odd, having no title whatsoever. For some reason though, I felt an insane amount of magical power from it.
Why hadn't I sensed it earlier? Beats me.
"This is a prediction. One day, there is going to be a being, not exactly human, who reads this. It is a being capable of feeling death and suffering, but to it, fear not. You should be proud of your power, that not only you can feel the humans' happiness, but also mourn as they do."
After that, the book disappeared from right in front of my eyes. Wait a minute, I don't have eyes. Yeah, forget that.
Anyways, after that, I realized that it was already morning, the first of May. I didn't notice it until then, that the thorns in my heart and the knives on my whole body had been cutting their way through again--but it didn't hurt as much.
I guess I should've been more positive from the start. This isn't a curse, it's a power. I'll remember that. I love May.
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ns 15.158.61.40da2
