Kat254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRGM4N1dAif
July 5, 2005
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wZXdxcPep
*
Same day
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Leaving Ben was literally the last thing I wanted to do, but those bullies pushed me out.
I'm not sure where my place is beside him with them there. They shoved me out of the way without a second thought.
Why is Samantha even there?
Ben made it pretty clear before that he wanted nothing to do with her, unless all that was a big act. It didn't seem like it to me though.
But I've been wrong before.
Seeing David again reminded me how blindly trusting I can be. It's so hard to keep my head on straight when I'm around Ben.
Or even just thinking about Ben.
I love him, I know I do, but what if I'm jumping in too fast? What if I'm just making the same mistakes over and over again?
Ben makes me feel things I've never felt before. I thought I loved David and that he loved me, but now I know that it wasn't love. Not even close.
It's nothing compared to the way I feel about Ben, but is it enough?
What if he wakes up wanting something, or someone, different?
Maybe after his near death experience he will realize how much he missed having Samantha in his life.
What am I even thinking?
This is stupid. She cheated on him and broke his heart over and over again. She's just a bad memory, a horrible reminder.
She's not even competition. She's just an ever present ghost of a very dark time in his life.
I'm pulled from my thoughts by the sound of my ringtone. Vanessa is the only person who ever calls me, so I answer without even glancing at the number.
Instead I hear a familiar male voice come through the line. Definitely not Ness. "Kat, where are you?"
"Cole?" Suddenly feeling my pulse race as I try not to think of all the reasons he could be calling.
"He's awake." Oh, thank God.
"Jesus, Cole, you scared the crap out of me." My pulse slows, but I'm still running on adrenaline.
"You should be here." If only it were that simple.
"I just don't think it's a good idea Cole." I sigh, unable to stop myself.
"He's asking for you." His words cause butterflies to take up residence in my stomach.
"He is?" Ben wants me there? What about Samantha?
"He doesn't want anyone here but you. Please say you'll come." The fluttering intensify, as the pesky butterflies attack me from within.
Oh course, my heart decides to join in as well.
Pitter, patter. 254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThV8Io9sAr
Pitter, patter.
What is this boy doing to me?
"I don't know... Will I even get to see him?" I realize too late that I'm giving in, practically agreeing to go already.
I guess giving in isn't that hard when your entire being is in agreement, minus the logical part of your brain, but who listens to that anyway? Love makes you do stupid things, right?
254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLJQN3VdMg
Maybe I can be stupid, just this once. Maybe I can trust Ben without waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe this time will be different.
"I'll take care of it. Just show up and everything will be fine." He sounds confident and I really want to believe him.
I blow out the breath I didn't even realize I was holding. "Okay."
"Okay?" He lets out what sounds like a strange, masculine squeal, if that's even a thing. "Ben is going to be so excited. I can't wait to tell him!"
"No. Don't say anything. I want to surprise him." I desperately try not to cringe, before realizing he wouldn't see it anyway.
"Whatever you say, dollface." He chuckles. "As long as you get your butt over here ASAP!"
"Yes, sir." I fake salute, completely forgetting how a phone works.
"Thank you, Kat." Before I can even switch gears from goofy to serious, he hangs up.
I barely remember getting in my car and driving to the hospital. I get a stinkeye from the nurse, but she lets me through.
I barely open the door and I hear the sound I never thought I would hear again.
Ben's hoarse voice barely makes it to me, but I'm so desperate to hear it, I absorb every word. "Where are you?"
I lean further into the room, prepared to answer him when Samantha jumps up, halting my movement. "I'm right here, baby."
He coughs, straining to speak. "I need you."
Wait, what?
"Oh Joey." She leans down, kissing his forehead.
"Please, don't leave me." His voice is sad, like he might cry. Does he really love her that much?
Oh god, he was playing me all along and I fell for it. How could I be so naive?
"I won't, baby, I'm right here." Her annoying voice grates on my nerves. I feel a very strong urge to slap her, but what would be the point?
"Stay." The word breaks me. I asked him to stay for me. I wanted to be the one he wakes up to, the one he needs.
I can't watch this anymore.
Ben starts coughing again, gasping for air and Samantha jumps up to press the call button.
I quietly close the door, hoping I can make it out without being seen.
As I run out of the hospital, I feel my heart shatter into a million pieces. I just know if I looked back, I'd see a trail of broken fragments, like pieces of a broken mirror, shimmering in the sunlight, reflecting my pain back at me. They would show me all the mistakes I've made, how stupid I've been.
Ben never loved me. It's Samantha, it's always been Samantha. Was I just some game to them, a pawn they used for their own amusement?
I'm sure they talked about me, laughing at my ignorance and gullibility. I know I was stupid, but just thinking about Ben lying to me hurts the most. I trusted him, but I meant nothing to him.
Fuck. This hurts.
What am I supposed to do now?
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