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20.09.2023
I reached the clouds, but now there's a weight pulling me right back down.
Freefall.240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXm4t1kTD2
You told me love would find me when I least expect it to, but I wanted to tell you; you found me when I least expected you to. You, the first person to ignore the discretion of my middle name, the one no one used, the one not many knew.
Yet here we are. I don't blame you. I fell for the fantasy of you I played in my head. You didn't know the atomically crucial entity you were in my space. You would've been foreign to him.
Me and my red nose.
Me and my white face.
Me and my butter fingers.
I'd sing to you, but your laugh isn't there when I close my eye, your hands, your face, your silly hair, your freakishly funny jokes.
Like the eye of a storm, even after this penitence; this disaster of a realization, my heart is oddly at peace.
I'm sure you always knew, how I was, how I am, how my heart and mind never stay aligned. I realize how badly I need something after I watch it fade away.
Did you ever see me as anything more than a friend?
I'm not shattering, hitting the ground with a bang, I think maybe it was the calm waters? or maybe the clouds?
Pies in the sky, Pies in the sky.
I hoped I would have broken bones or a concussion, something to villainize you for. Maybe it hasn't hit me yet, the pain.
You're fine too right? Reading this. Are you fine? Are you mad? Are you confused? Are you shocked?
I've told you I loved you. Did you notice how I always referred to it being in the past? I'm still afraid to say the right words to you. I have this feeling when I look up after I pour my heart to you. You wont be there. You and I would have an ocean between us. My voice lost at sea, never reaching you.
Did you ever leave the ground with me? Of course you didn't. That's why I keep running back to you. Falling back to you.
You and your pragmatically perfect structure.
You're soo much smarter than me, soo much taller than me, soo much prettier than me, so much magical than me, soo much mature than me.
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Tell me, if you were me, would you do that too?
You know it's too soon. You live in the future, I live in the present.
We're lifetimes apart, neurologically.
Maybe two years of unrequited affection wasn't long enough
I would love to be rained on with you for an eternity.
I want more, I want forever, I want to love you even after there is no air in my lungs. With zero watts of basal metabolic energy in my body.
I want to talk about you to every beast, creature, pet, brute, critter, invertebrate, mutt I come across.
Eyes ablaze, heart on sleeve.
I'll live in your memory at my core.
Maybe loosing you is all I need to realize how much I need you.
Will you let me back in if I do? Will you let me hurt you over and over and over again? Just to nail it in me, you are all I need? Will you let me back in knowing we only have one lifetime?
I wish I could look at you, if I could touch you with trembling hands and wet eyes.
I wish I wish I wish I wish
I wish I could look at you and see my future one more time in case we ever walk away.
Leaving it at fate, leaving it at an Ellipsis. 240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIMEpT1gtY
Just till I find you once more. You with all your warmth and glory.
To have the pleasure of stealing you from every woman to ever look at you. For the pleasure of them to envy me as Your Woman.
Please call me by the same name you did that one time before the sun rose just because you wanted to. And watch me come right back.
Was, Will and Is.
You, You and You.
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