OH MY GOD OH MY GOD SO SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED (WAIT EVEN THOUGH ITS LATE HAPPY NEW YEAR :D !!! ) Okay I think this year is gonna be generally amazing alright (OH MY GOD IM OVER THE MOON RIGHT NOW) alright so firstly , two days into the new years I sent out some rlly long apology paragraphs to two of my friends (one best friend and the other was layla) and I feel I really cleared up the misunderstandings between us (I have a few more to send out but I need to mentally prepare myself because I've never sent out apologies or ever apologised to a friend in this way which I think is now an improvement :3 ) . Secondly , I had a crying session last night in which I kept on repeatedly thanking God because now I personally feel more drawn towards my religion and I think that's the best for it , and I'm even thinking of wearing the hijab starting next school week (even though I was thinking of wearing it starting next school-year, as in after summer break). I've had my doubts and "what if's" but in the end accepting the hijab is not for show but only my devotion towards God so what others say doesn't matter at all (all though I'm stressed about how to address this topic to my parents because even though they're strict and religious I've been completely rejecting my religion for a while so it would be a complete shock for them if I suddenly asked of they could buy me a hijab , but nonetheless it was their complete fault I rejected religion in the first place because of their way of teaching it to me as a child so I'm not at fault for that part , anyways), and I also want to start praying more often and as much as possible because from the point where I moved back to my homeland my life, and my mental health both have been just getting better and better and I realised that last night and I've never been so thankful I'm really indebted and thankful that I didn't jump that day and neither the pills weren't strong enough and that the rope wasn't correctly tied and that i never cut it open I'm really thankful alhamdulilah . Thirdly, I'm starting to slowly improve my physical health and excersise 2-3 times a week which is atleast better than nothing , I remember feeling dizzy and not being able stand or lift my school bag last month because I didn't feel like eating and I feel much more mentally and physically energised nowadays too. I also actually studied and practiced some math (I'm not bad at maths I'm actually good at it but because I switched schools and well basically continents too , they have a different syllabus here and the subject which troubled me the most was maths , I was tho thankfully able to catch up with in the other subjects, but that lacking in my basic understanding was the thing which made me hate it because the thing I have to learn now is algebra and all the others already know it while I have no clue but I somehow convinced myself that I'd be able to understand it by just participating in class but if I don't know ANYTHING about it that obviously wouldn't work so I kinda ignored it up until now (yes, I ignored it for a whole term or half of the school year) , so I started with a few basic practices and downloaded a few apps and watched a YouTube video which explained it) which was an amazing experience. BUT THE MOST "EXCITING" I GUESS THING WAS THAT MY EX (I still talk with her, we're friends) like we texted today and had like a conversation and while she was texting she added at the end of a paragraph "i loved you and I still kinda do" AND THAT ONE SINGLE SENTENCE HAS GOT ME PACING AROUND THE HOUSE AND RIPPING MY HAIR OUT BECAUSE GIRL DO NOT PLAY WITH MY HEART LIKE THAT I CANNOT TAKE TO HEAR THAT AFTER I DECIDED TO BE MORE RELIGIOUS PLEASSEEE (I love her she's so sweet and wonderful and amazing and beyond my ability to describe her gorgeous amazing talented personality I love her so much she gets my heart blushing WAIT SHIT THATS MY EX- )
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