17. The Saga of the Text Wars
Arrrrrrrrggggg.
I'm pacing back and forth along the not so lengthy length of my room, grinding my teeth together in part embarrassment part self-frustration when my sister Amy bursts into my room, wearing, on top of her normal girly clothes, a pink and black balaclava and matching elbow length gloves.
"What the..." I cough in surprise, stopping my pacing. "What on earth are you..?"
"Shit," she mutters, causing me to raise an eyebrow. "Abort mission! The mortal is in here! Abort mission!"
I think I have mentioned at one point how completely and utterly crazy my sister is. If you doubted me, then that last sentence should be all the physical evidence you need. You've got not an ounce of sanity yourself if you still think she has any.
"Amy..." I roll my eyes at the ceiling. "Yes, the mortal is in here. But what's this mission..?"
"Never!" she hisses, before running out my room as quickly as she came, retreating back into the depths of her room, where I hear her start to blast her favourite boy band track.
I think this is definitely a what the fudge worthy moment.
"Amy!" I call, backing down the hallway to her bedroom door. "What the hell? I'm used to your weirdness, but that was simply next level..." I try to open her door, not at all surprised when it doesn't budge. "Amy! What on earth were you trying to sneak into my room for?"
Naturally, there's no answer.
"Amy!" I yell, resisting the impulse to give my powers away by using super strength to bust her door down. "God dammit!" I grumble around at her door for a few more minutes, before giving up and retreating back to mine.
"Amy," I mutter, leaning back on my bed. What on earth could she want? What 'mission'? Is she trying to steal my stuff or something? Do I have to get a door lock now?
Because I am failing to find the answers to any of these questions using my own logical reasoning, I leap off my bed and walk over to the wall that separates mine and her bedrooms and start using my X-Ray vision or whatever vision it is to see into her room.
I have a good look, hoping to find something suspicious; like a secret lab, a portal to another dimension or a 3D hologram of my room with detailed instructions on the 'mission' involving it. But instead all I find is Amy sitting on the floor doing her homework, while listening to loud music. The fact that she's doing something so mundane is suspicious in itself, I reckon. She's definitely up to something. Well either that, or she's just trying to purposely annoy me, like she has done before. Okay, yeah, she probably is trying to annoy me! Dammit!
I lean back against the bed and at that exact moment, by phone goes off. I pick it up off my dressing table, only to discover that it's another text, from an unknown number. Great. Just great. Now I have to deal with more uselessly pathetic attempts to threaten me.
"Maybe I should reply this time." I mutter to myself as I open the text. I haven't replied to the last few, partly because I a) can't be bothered and b) don't feel like spending the rest of the day involved in a battle of wits via texting.
Wait, no. I think this one might be from someone different. Why? Well, they have declared their name in the first sentence...
Hello, it's your old buddy Captain Catastrophe here. I'm texting you to say that you totally won by fluke yesterday and that if we ever have a rematch, I will totally whoop yo ass, and you know it. So, I'm challenging you to a rematch! Tomorrow night, wherever suits you. You're not gonna win this time, kiddo. I will totally whoop yo ass, and you know it. Wait, I think I have already said that. Too bad! You have the message now.
"Er..." I mutter, before bursting into laughter. Oh, man. This guy has to be freaking kidding me. A rematch? "Let me guess." I mumble. "He wants to do it on live TV and in a completely car-free area." I chuckle a few more times before deciding to reply. This guy seems like a bit of a total idiot, maybe if I get him riled up he might accidently tell me his weaknesses or whatever. So I reply with the following:
Okay, whatever. But you should know this. Technically, I didn't beat you last time, the car did.
Now all I have to do is wait for the idiot to answer. How did he even get my number? Maybe he's a telepath or something... I hope not. What I really don't need right now is yet another person threatening to tell Julia that I love her... ... ...
My phone beeps and I pick it up. Oh, good. He's replied. That was fast.
Huh! Well, this time kiddo, it's gonna be a death-duel and in a car free area, too. See how you like it!
I knew it... I quickly type in a reply, getting excited.
Whatever, can't have your phobia of cars getting in the way, eh? Oh, and let me guess. You want to do this re-match on live TV?
What! How did you know?
You are pretty predictable, Captain.
My name is CAPTAIN CATASTROPHE, NOT 'CAPTAIN'! And it's not going to be a 're-match', it's gonna be a DEATH-DUEL. A BATTLE TO THE DEATH, KIDDO! ON LIVE TELIVISON!
What? I don't have time for that! I have to go to school and stuff. Plus, why does it have to be on live television! That's... embarrassing!
It's only embarrassing if you lose, which you will. Yep, definitely embarrassing for you.
No it's not! I'll have to be on television and stuff, and my mother will most definitely catch me out this time. I grumble a few times, debating whether or not I should actually reply or not. I've got better things to do tomorrow night, like homework... yeah, damn it! I probably have homework! And then I wanted to have another go at attempting to save people. I cringe, remembering 'Mr Trenchcoat'. Maybe I should just stay home and do my homework. It's most definitely safer that way. This guy is probably right about the fluke thing. He will kick my ass. I pick up the phone again and tap out a reply.
I refuse your re-match death-duel thingy. I have better things to do. Whatever, don't bother to reply, because I'm turning off my phone now.
True to my word, I switch off my phone straight after the message is sent. Urgh. Why does this Captain guy want a re-match, anyway? Maybe I hurt his ego or something. Put it this way – if somebody defeated me by smashing my head through a car windscreen, it doesn't matter whether it was a total fluke or not, I sure as hell wouldn't be asking for a re-match of any kind, let alone a 'death-duel'. Why does he want a battle to the death, anyway? Knowing this guy's predictability, he probably wants to have a death duel only because the How to be a cliché supervillian handbook said so. This must have no creativity, what so ever.
I sigh to myself, before glancing at the clock. 11.30pm. 11.30pm. What! Its 11.30 already! Oh man.
I don't dare turn my phone back on until I'm at school the next morning, waiting for Josh to arrive. I had a feeling that the moment I turned it on, at least 50 messages would flood in, all from Captain Catastrophe. And I was right. Well, there was only 11 new messages from him, but you get the point. His messages, as per usual, were overly long, annoying and even occasionally contradicting each other. Because of this, I won't pain you by reading them all out. But I'll give you the gist of it.
He thought I was a wimp for refusing his death-duel. Then he claimed I was lying, and was going to turn up anyway. Sure. He wants to fight me at 10pm. No, wait, he wants midnight, "because that sounds cooler". Oooh, he thinks I'm a wimp again. And finally, he claims that because I'm not coming, he's gonna bring the fight to me.
If this was anybody else, that last message might have worried me. But because this is Captain Catastrophe, all I can do is laugh. This guy is hilarious. I must have really hurt his ego the other day – no other person would go to such lengths to organise a re-match. If other villain wanted a 'death-duel', they would have when they wanted it, without the opponents permission and when they least expected. But this Captain Catastrophe guy – well, it was almost as he was trying to be polite about it. Which made me laugh even harder. In fact, I was still laughing when Josh approached me five minutes later, his face automatically changing from one of curiosity to one of confusion.
"Why... are you laughing so hard?" he gives me a confused look while I chuckled and handed over my phone. After a few minutes of him trying not to laugh himself as he read the messages, all was clear. "Oh, wow. This guy is..."
"I know. I know." I roll my eyes.
"Well, I wouldn't worry about him. If he was actually going to randomly turn up and force you into having a death duel, he would have done so already." I nod, already figuring this. "But how did this guy get your number?"
I shrug. "He must be a telepath or something. 'Cause I sure as hell didn't give it to him."
ns 18.68.41.141da2
