I came back from school alone and went into Quannell's room to check on him. He didn't go to school that day because he was feeling a little under the weather that morning. I texted Sha that we'll join them at the crib in about an hour. Looking at Quann, I could sense that something was bothering yet he faked a smile as he saw me enter the room and sit next to him. "How are you feeling ?" I asked him with a calm voice.
"I don't think I'll heal from this." answered Quann. His forced smile faded away.
"What do you mean ?" I chuckled, thinking he was just being dramatic. "It's just a fever.."
"Is anyone else home ?" he asked. I shook my head.
"Quann, you're worrying me... What's wrong ?"
"I'm..." he paused and I could see sadness overtaking his features. I placed my hand on his back, gently caressing him. "I faked sick..." he continued.
"Why ?"
"I'm sorry..." His head lowered and he covered his eyes with his hand.
"Woah...Woah... It's fine, I'm not mad about it..." I assured him. "What happened, Quannell ?"
"I'm sorry...I love you Belladonna..." His voice became shaky and thick.
"I-I love you too Quann..." I answered cluelessly. In that same instant, Quannell's arms were wrapped around me and he was pressing his head against my chest.
"I'm so sorry..." he weeps. I hold onto him tightly, placing my other hand on his head.
"What's making you cry..?" My voice became brittle as I tried to figure out what had caused Quann pain. His weeping became more severe and heavy tears began to flow out of his eyes, wetting my shirt. I sat with him for over ten minutes, quietly listening to his cries. Not knowing what or who was causing him this much hurt broke me into pieces. It was as if the answer was right in front of me yet I completely missed it. Were there clues that I hadn't picked up ? How long was he bearing this within himself ?
"It..It hurts me to do this.." he finally began speaking. He straightened himself, letting go of me. "I always loved you but maybe I did it in the wrong way. I thought... loving you this way was the right way but something wasn't feeling right.." he confessed. I became even more lost. "You're the closest thing I have to a family but you're also my best friend." he continued.
"What are you tryna say, Quann ?" My voice broke as I questioned his words.
"I thought about this, us, the future of our relationship..."
"Spit it out." I interrupted him.
"I don't know how to say something like that, Tami."
"Say. It. Please."
"I like you, Tamika King yet.." He paused once more.
This one's gonna hurt
"We shouldn't have crossed the line we crossed." He added.
Tears began to gather at the bottom of my eyelid. Silently, Quannell got up and directed himself to the door. "Where are you going ?" I quietly ask.
"I already told Mr. Smith about this."
So there were clues...
"I'm leaving..." he said.
"You...You don't need to leave...We can go back to how it was before, Quannell." I drew my lower lip in between my teeth.
"You know we can't Tamika..." Keshawn opens the bedroom door and leaves, closing the door behind him.
Like a waterfall, my tears were flowing down my face. My breathing turned punctured and uneven like I had just been stabbed in the heart and the dagger was still in there. I tried to cover my mouth with my hand to block the sound that was coming out but my cry was deafening. Like a waterfall, my cry was the only sound I could hear around me. Quannell's steps naturally disappeared under my sound.
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***
Tanisha and Jordan found me in Denzel's room. I had somehow ended up on the floor, hands on my heart, crawled up and hyperventilating. It was as if I had lost a part of me.
"Mika ! Mika !" He shouted my name continuously. Water residue that collected in my eyelashes made it difficult to see but I could sense the anxiousness on their faces. They were both on the floor with me, Tanisha caressing my back and Jordan sitting in front of me.
"What happened ?" asked Tanisha softly. I tried to wipe the tears off my face but they kept on falling.
Ever since that day I never saw him again. He didn't come back home, he was nowhere to be seen at school or at the crib. He had really left me.
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