I'm standing in the center.
Brown hair, just a bit too long.
Blue-gray eyes, staring off into nothing.
Skin is too pale.
Bags, deep ones, under my eyes.
I'm smiling.
But there are tears pouring down from my eyes.
139Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlQNG0MW6Tc
Around me is a storm.
A storm of lightning and clouds and thunder and debris.
The clouds whisper "death, death, death, death".139Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjhdsZTrDl
The thunder chuckles "gone, gone, gone, gone".
The debris screams "remember, remember, remember, remember!".
The lightning cracks.
And I forget.
139Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABMXGa1lfs
With each crack of the lightning, the world beneath the storm is illuminated.
People crawling over one another, grasping upward, trying to reach me. They wear no face, no clothes, contorting over one another, their hands claws, as blood flows down them, dripping from above.
Where I stand. Bleeding to feed people who can never drink.
139Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQtt5SSqKA
They climb over one another, clambering, shoving, toppling the tower and beginning again.
Beneath them is a pool. An ocean. A red ocean, gleaming with the blood I continue to lose.
139Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEFOuRT3YU
Beneath this pool, there is still more.
How deep does this world go?
Don't worry. We're almost at the bottom.
Just below the ocean of blood is a city.
Of shining lights.
Where emotions dance across the streets.139Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLPVufvyfi
Happiness laughs as it spins, its dress sweeping away the tears of blood that drip from above.139Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWK8S1Ayxgw
Rage screams, its armor glinting gold as it charges at my foes.139Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlM2W3Nrcc
And, in the shadows, hidden away, lay chains. Chains, half-invisible and faded.
If you look closely, you can see where they lead.
To these emotions.
Trapped.
Unable to ascend past the pool of blood, lost in this shining city of lights.
139Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSbu4Uafg8
Go deeper.
Still deeper.
Past the void of blackness, past the memories, like glowing bubbles of ever-changing light. Past that one memory. The one that is black. Ink-black and like goo, gloom and pain, swirling in itself.
And you finally see it.
139Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzoD5yI69c
A light.
A shining, glittering, effervescent light.
Go closer.
It's a child. Innocent, full of life, brilliant.
And in its hand it holds a knife.
A knife coated in blood.
And to the side you see a teen child.
With a wound through their heart.
139Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDdBFauxME
And you see them.
Mother, her arms wrapping around the child, the guilt of her love crushing the child, as he thinks i don't deserve her love.
Father, his eyes glaring lasers of fury and hatred, as the child thinks i don't deserve his love.139Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxM8QOPdpTv
Sister, her mouth spitting black darts, full of quiet criticism and open insult, as the child thinks i don't deserve their love.
139Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrCUBVbagcb
I don't deserve their love.
I don't deserve their love.
Idon'tdeservetheirlove.
Idontdeservetheirlove.
idontdeservetheirloveidontdeservetheirloveidontdeservetheirlove because -
139Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡra1BJlLpJe
Because I'm me. Because I'm unlovable. Because I'll fail them all. Always.
139Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYs19DkNa1
Because I killed myself. The myself I should've been. I'm still a child, but my blood is on that child's hands.
Because I am that memory. That blackened memory, that I refuse to see, but I need to see, I need to see, I NEED TO SEE IT!139Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TCPMMPTRj
Because I am those chains. Holding down my emotions. For them. Because I don't deserve their love. Their concern. They don't need to be worried about me.
Because of that pool of blood, growing growing growin. Because I can finally see the face of those thousand of people, constantly clambering for the me that cries. That smiles.
That feels.
Because I can see their faces. Because I know who they are. Because I know who wants to become that freer, happy, sad, emotional self.
Because they're me.139Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsyiBH0hjHS
Because I am that storm. Telling myself.
'death, death, death, death'.
'gone, gone, gone, gone'.
'remember, remember, remember, remember'.
139Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEtwnKKkGcY
The lightning cracks.
And I forget.
139Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3aRg3V2gn
Because this is my mind.
ns 15.158.61.39da2
