Dear Mom,
I really love you. I know it might feel like you love Maria and Alessio more, but that doesn’t change the way I feel. I love you deeply, even when things between us are hard. You’ve always been there for me. Almost always. There were times, though, when you weren’t. Like when you never protected me from Dad. You were always on his side, and that made me feel like I didn’t matter. You’d always yell at me when I tried to talk, when I just wanted to communicate with you. It made me shut down, made me feel even more alone, but you’re still here, and I guess that counts for something.
I never thought of myself as a "mommy’s girl." I always thought I was a "daddy’s girl", to be honest. But that changed over time, especially after everything that happened. I don’t know when it shifted, but it did. I hope that in another life, you get to be a fashion designer youve always wanted to become. I’ve always loved your art. Your smile. Your creativity it’s something that I admire, even though sometimes I feel like I don’t get to see it enough.
I hate it when you and Dad fight. It tears me apart to hear it, to see it. I’m sorry for what you’ve been through as a child. Having divorced parents, I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you. I get why it affected you, but sometimes I wonder why you always seem to spend so much more time with Maria and Alessio instead of me. I miss when it was just you and me, when I was your little girl. Back when everything seemed simpler, when Dad wasn’t as distant and angry, and when you’d just be there for me without all the fighting.
I know I’m the oldest, and I should just live with it, but sometimes it really hurts. It’s hard not to feel left out, to feel like I don’t matter as much anymore. Sometimes, when I think back, I remember things you did that hurt me. When I was 10, I opened up to you about my body insecurities. You got angry. You yelled. It made me scared to talk to you about anything ever again. It made me feel like I couldn’t trust you, and that fear has stayed with me.
Please, be gentle with Maria and Alessio. Don’t make the same mistakes. I don’t want them to feel the way I feel sometimes. I don’t want them to go through the same hurt.
You may not realize it, but you have the power to be the mother that I needed back then. Please, be kind to them. Please be kind to yourself too. And even though we’ve been through so much, and even though sometimes I feel like you don’t understand me, I still love you. Always.
Your daughter
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