Dear Dad,
I don’t know what happened between us. You’ve changed. You really have. I get it your childhood wasn’t easy. I know how your parents constantly fought, how they hurt you and your siblings mentally and physically, and I know it’s been tough for you. But, Dad, it’s been tough for me too. This is my first time living just like it’s your first time living. I’ve seen those old videos of us when we laughed together, joked around, and everything felt okay. I miss that version of you.
Since I was 10, something changed. You’re different now. You’re always yelling at me, swearing at me, making me feel small. The body shaming started when I was just 11. You told me I should start to do sports to loose weight, even though I’m just growing. I’m in puberty. My body is changing, and it hurts when you point that out. I wasn’t even overweight, but you made me feel like I was. I know you didn’t mean it that way, but it still hurts. Mom didn’t do anything about it. She just stayed quiet, and that made me feel even more alone. I can’t stand it when you say those things. I’m insecure enough already. I had an eating disorder because of you. Nobody noticed it.
I know all those years in the hospital must’ve been really hard for you. I can see how they might have made you depressed, even if you won’t admit it. I can’t imagine being stuck in a place like that, away from your family, with all those people, day after day. But it’s like we’re both trying to survive in this world for the first time, and I wish you could see how much I’m struggling too.
I’m sorry that you’re still without a job. I know it’s tough for you, and I feel bad for you sometimes. But sometimes, it feels like you’re taking out all your frustration on me. I hate it when you try to control me. I know you’re just trying to protect me, but I’m not a little kid anymore. I’m 14, and I’m starting to figure things out for myself. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you in any way. Sometimes my sadness turns into anger, and it gets all mixed up inside me.
I wish you would try to understand me. I’ve spent nights crying because of the things you say, the things Mom says. I’ve been through so much pain, and I just want to be understood. I really hope you’ll be better for Maria and Alessio. I hope they won’t have to go through what I’ve been through. I don’t want them to feel the same hurt, the same loneliness that I feel.
You’ve changed, Dad. You’ve hurt me deeply, and I don’t think you even realize it. But even though you’ve changed, I still love you. I always will.
Your daughter
ns 130.176.179.21da2
