I get insecure sometimes that I have ear wax in my ears and people will see it and make fun of me, laughing and giggling behind my back, pointing at my freakishly large ears.
At other times, I wish that earwax would grow in my ears so that I can't hear anything.
That Paper being rubbed, that constant tapping, the girl next to me trying to be funny but it's getting tiring.
I want it to freeze.
Not literally, not with ice and cold. I have always preferred the cold to heat though. It is easy to just cover yourself in a blanket and warm up again and return to normal. When it's too hot no matter how many layers I strip I can't return to normal. I get stressed but it builds up and makes me hotter.
I would like everything to just stop around me. I could sit in silence, not caring about how they look at me because they can't look at all. I could let out that long-winded sigh that I've been holding in because I didn't want to seem moody. I can just close my eyes and come to terms with things.
Why do I want it to freeze?
I think on it. Am I just having a teenager mood swing? Maybe but I would have to guess that is only the half of it. I come to an answer: I am overwhelmed.
Why am I overwhelmed?
I think back to the waters. I am in the waters again. I am not on my back and the water is not at my feet. So where am I? I cannot see. I am in the tar. The answer: I am drowning.
Not literally. I can't go in any more depth than that. Why am I drowning? Because I'm overwhelmed. Why am I overwhelmed? Because I'm drowning. It goes in a loop.
I've found a lot of things these days go in loops. I think I'm the thing that's most commonly going in loops though.
Why am I upset? You're moody.
Why am I moody? You're upset.
Why-
I breathe and everything is unfrozen. The paper is being rubbed again and the tapping is back, the noise in my ear turns out to be that girl saying something in a funny voice again.
Suddenly the bags under my eyes feel a lot heavier.
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