I don't like calling my anxiety, anxiety. It makes me feel like one of the kids my friends are always talking about, the 'special snowflakes'.
I would imagine they say snowflakes because they are all different, and I imagine they say that because the person is trying to be different.
However, every snowflake is special whether it tries to be or not. So I do not understand this.
I don't understand a lot of things and even thought I like to pride myself on being self-aware I feel deathly afraid of not understanding.
I am avoiding the subject. The Anxiety. I do not like it. When I think of the word the tar grumbles, not liking to be named. It has a name. Whether it's anxiety or Angus I do not care.
Yet here I am being affected by it. As I write about this it is grasping at my neck, whispering surprisingly loudly that a lot of people have anxiety and none of them whine about it like me.
“I am not whining”
“Then what are you doing”
I let it continue to strangle me because I do not have an answer to that. I do not know why I am writing this.
Am I trying to teach a lesson? There is no lesson to teach.
Am I trying to inspire? There is nothing to be inspired by.
Am I whining? There is nothing to whine about.
I don't have anxiety, do I? This is all in my head. I am making this up for attention (The black growls, satisfied).
I find the more I say anxiety, the more convinced I am I don't have it. I think that's what it tries to do. It tries to dismiss the name given to its face (The black tar is growling still, but no longer satisfied).
“Shut up,” I say. I can breathe. The water is at my feet. I am not anxious.
I find myself thinking on that sentence for a second trying to some to a conclusion without my denial of my disorder being brought up. I am convinced it is impossible.
As much as I have said that I do not think that special snowflake is a bad term by definition, it worries me that the tar seems satisfied whenever I label myself with it.
I shut my mouth.648Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUBHtsfwQX
I am not the one saying it. The tar is.
The anxiety is.
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