"Good evening, Dr. Siesama" the man was hunched over a overfilled smart table, his right hand resting overneath the pop-up of an photo that instantly caught my attention. Apollox and me, a long time ago. The wavy, dirtish brown hair strictly pulled into a bun, his green eyes poisoning me, forcing me to look at him even longer. How easily I forgot him. After a few years of sorrow, he had been nothing more than a memory.
"Call me Damari, if you don't mind" I nodded, denying to shake his hand. Alpha and Omega touching wouldn't be a good thing. Never. Even on meds. "Kyris" He smiled distracted for a moment, offering me his chair, something I forced myself to ignore. He wasn't in charge of me "Kyris, a pretty name"
I shrugged, looking at the giant touchscreen, my fingere hovering overneath another file, just for a moment. Kyris Amstrong. A single look and I quickly understood that there couldn't be more than a few unimportant things left to tell. Everything that could be of importance was here, after all. My school. My training, my address. Seemingly, there was only one thing the government didn't knew about me.
But this paticular photo was only found in our home server. It had actually been my mother that loved and my father that hated it. Just this one in particular. The one where we were less childish, looking more like pretty little dolls to depose into a corner and forget about.
I was quite sure mother had changed a few things nonetheless. I remembered dull, greyish blue eyes. Had seen them just this morning while looking into the mirror. But the little spark of mischief that had been haunting my dreams for eleven years was no longer to be found in my brothers bright green ones.
If I was right, Idelle Amstrong had managed to destroy just another memory of him. Another piece of my brother. There was nothing but a piece of stone between my lungs. And right now, it was arching nonetheless.
"May I..." he looked at me, nodded. "Of course" I projected it onto the display hanging at the wall, biting my tongue so I wouldn't yell at the round, fat baby face of my forgotten brother. Why he hadn't woke me, why he hadn't returned. Why he left me. So many things I wanted to ask. I would never be able to.
"You were right. She destroyed all evidence years ago. The drones send the verification this morning. And I had already been hopeful for an early birthday gift" Traces to two murders. Oh, joy. I had to keep together. Apollox was dead. He was dead and I had known it for several years. No tears to cry anymore "You haven't recieved a lot of good gifts then, I suppose?"
His chuckle was one of the most beautiful things I ever managed to listen to. Joyful and melodic, forcing you to smile, at least the slightest bit, even if being in the worst state of mind. Just...angelic "I just want....justice I think. An alpha can't abuse his rank to harm other members of society. With omegas, I can help. I know I can help Apollox, I know the campus helped other omegas before, took care of a lot of cases that involved alphas"
"So you didn't?" He smiled sheepishly, shook his head "Arnaxis is the one used to heavy kinds of crime. Human trafficking, betas out of control, black market. I'm nothing but a scientist that ruins his own lectures from time to time" he organized some more data at the wall, shoving documents in folders and evidence onto the desk. The photo remained. And even he took a quick glance, his eyebrows furrowing as soon as his own mind started to wander off.
"When a collegue of mine, a real doctor for once, asked me to help her with omega related cases, I thought she would spare me at first." He kept quiet for a few seconds. Just a case. Apollox had become one. And if I fucked up, I would become one too. Maybe he would force me onto the campus. Maybe he would even coax me. At the end of the day, my freedom was going to be lost "I don't mean any offence though. It's just..." I just waved him off "Suicide, abuse, drugs and runaways, I get it"
He sighed, nodded. What an odd alpha he was. An alpha with a honest smile and warm voice "It's disturbing. Every png in the main sources is so...cold. No emotion, no childishness. It's hard to see" frozen blue eyes scanned me, made me wonder once again if he noticed my trick or just felt superior to everything that wasn't quite labeled Alpha. Maybe, maybe it was nothing but pure interest.
I wouln't just start to care what one of them thought because he chuckled at me, right? "I am sorry what happend to both of you."
It wasn't his business. My problems, my demons. Since yesterday, my familys fate was public. A once rich, powerful family reached the bottom, only a crappy gamma remaining. The news loved it. It stung. The knowledge that I was part of this misery everybody was going nuts about. "I don't need pity, just ask me what you need to know" I sent them the code for our home servers just 48 hours ago, after our first meeting.
"How long did it take after the discovery of his nature before he ran away?" I sighed. I had forgotten about these mental wounds for a long time. Thought they just scarred and were left to be forgotten. The whole new disaster had left me drenched in saltwater, burning in the deep cuts that seemingly never healed. "Two years. He couldn't handle the stress"
"Your mother?" I nodded, tasting blood were my teeth had damaged my tongue enough to draw some. "Omegas are a pride..." - "Not if you need Alphas to run a company. Then a omega only means loosing it to a foreign one and a son you never saw as yours." He drove is hand through his hair, his face drenched with pity. It wasn't his business to care about. Nothing he was a part of. He was supposed to find a corpse and change his status from missing to dead.
"Did she stick with mental abuse?" I heard myself speaking but couldn't match the words with my facial movements. In my head, I was screaming, struggling against her firm grip while she forced pills down my throat, slamming me against the wall. I could hear my father sob silently, beaten to a pulp after trying to protect his baby from rough treatment. His little omegan baby. Was Apollox still there? Already gone by now?
I shivered, trying to regrain my calmness. My mind "I think I would like a drink before we continue." He nodded. My mother had sent me new scent-manipulator only last week. I wasn't sure if I could drink without any troubles or was facing a evening of nausea and a throbbing headache once again. "Of course, I really hope my husband is keeping something"
He set the whole office to stand-by while gesturing me to follow him. I hadn't seen their apartment -or rather penthouse- yet. When I descriped my matter of concern to the house maid, she had hurried me to get into the bureau. Everything was stunning. Modern, big and full of technologies I couldn't even name. Or afford "You're not drinking?"
"I don't see the reason behind toxicating myself" I crossed my arms, defensive. Most likely to keep myself from obeying this unspoken advice "Liquor was made for moments like this" he opened a cupboard, pulling out a bottle. Whiskey; the expensive one. "And even the ancient greek warned us about drinking too much" He hummed, popping ice into a glass, filled it up "Oh, I will be careful, doctor"
He smiled amused, kept it up when I took the first sip. It burned. Such a lovely, lovely feeling. Of forgetting and forgiving. "I'm barely considered a real physican. I could tell you about a hundered cell-types but couldn't treat more than a cold" he had taken a glass of water for himself, leaned against the counter. The difference in height was striking enough to make me wonder if we still belonged to the same species anymore.
"What's so fascinating about omegas to keep somebody busy with this subject for so long?" I had told enough of my personal hell. Time to find out about other peoples. He didn't seem to mind at all. "It's a bit of everything I suppose. How could something like a scroff alpha create something so beautiful and balanced? How can they be so superior while being so devout and down to earth? Why did their senses approve, even if their offspring is clearly meant to be protected by a never leaving, dominant part? Why are they so different from every human form we know, the next step of evolution, but already fading?"
Another gulp. Something clearly didn't work out the way it was supposed to. Still, I took the bottle again, filling it up. I was desperate for some numbness. And getting fucked up. "Sure you're just studying and not worshipping them?" He laughed. A bright and cheerful laugh, fitting a smart and happy persona "I want to help. But I guess it resembles worshipping a bit by now. Like I said before, next step in evolution. Somebody should appreciate it"
"Mr. Siesama and you are a strong, valued alpha couple. It wouldn't take a lot to get one for yourself" his fingers cramped around the fine glass in his hand. Just for a moment. Upset. Of course I forgot. Reality was his weak point. The fact that we weren't living in a utopia "They're humans, just like me and you. I would never dare doing such a thing. Adopting a human like a dog. They're supposed to find their own way, own love."
"We both know it isn't like that" he sighed "Not everywhere. But we are working on it" Seems effective if you have to go illegal for saving one before he's hunted down by drones. I didn't dare saying anything though. Maybe it was his incredible conviction, maybe it was because I was becoming really drunk, but reminding him of reality - just seemed wrong.
Not in a omega way, not because I felt overpowered. I hadn't felt the urge to crumble down ever since I came here, even when I felt his dominance I could still talk and act on my own. It felt...good.
"It's weird that I barely thought about him" I swung the glass around, making the ice cubes click a bit against the glass. There was a slowely fading touch of honey brown, a few droplets that mixed with the water until they were no longer to be found. I would still taste the pungency if I really carved for it and gulped down the liquid, maybe even see it if I looked closely enough. They couldn't just...disappear, but fade enough to be out of my sight.
I considered another one. Due the chemicals that happily mixed in my bloodstream right now, I was drunk as fuck anyway. So, why not going the full way and create a reason for my sudden drunkeness? I could do it, I was sure. I had done it before, many, many times.
Than, those sky blue eyes noticed my finger moving into the direction of the bottle and gazed into mine. My pupils widened. I rested my hand on the cold working surface, looking down. Omega for once, omega forever. "There was never really time to grief. I just...went on after a few years of waiting, I guess."
The bottle was put away, my glass filled with water instead. "My father was actually the only one who griefed. So much" I chuckled dryly, remembering his touch, his soft loving words. "And we all know how this ended" I hadn't even been there when they send his ashes up into space, the capsule aimed at a random star. I couldn't see my mother weaping and wearing black after everything she did to him.
"What triggered it? He had been waiting for his return for nearly eight years after all"
I remembered how he dragged me into the wardrobe, his grasp steady yet soft. How he kissed my forehead over and over again, crying in relief. She had agreed. When the email came, she agreed. You're free he had whispered You're free baby boy. You can end this.
I wasn't free. Neither could I stop any of that.
"I left for the governmental solarship. Both his childrens were away. My father could finally die" I'd never met him before she managed to break him. But I'd seen a picture once. Of this surprisingly tall, slender man with thick, round glasses and always messy, greyish hair, intelligent green eyes like those of my brother. How proud he was once. Happy. Maybe it had been us. Maybe, being forced to carry out children for a woman he didn't love - in a life he couldn't endure had pushed him over the edge.
"She managed to close his case even before anybody saw the body. After crementation, nobody could notice. Broken bones, whip marks, missing skin, burned spots, bruises on his hips where she forced him to..." sometimes I heard his screams. At least thought I did. Always the same direction, the one where the master bedroom was located if you were lying on my old mattress. He would try to stay quiet, for our sake. Only let out the faintest of sounds. He wouldn't manage to keep his screams unheard. Not even now when he was nothing but a fading memory.
How could I move on that much? Not worry about every step I made, cry every minute in my life. How could I just...go and forget? How could she turn me into such a heartless monster? I didn't notice Damaris worried look facing me nor the hidden disgust aiming for my mother.
"He managed to keep himself the target, shielded us from our mothers punches. In his own ways, the strongest man I have ever seen. Raped a thousand times, still able to sacrifice everything for his sons. For the love of his life. Both of them." I sat back. Damari hadn't said a single word, wouldn't in the next devasting minutes. He lived in his little perfect fantasy world, where all classes were nothing but a union. But when he selected his next words, I wished he didn't. "Apollox would never end this way."
"He already did, for gods' sake" the glass in my hand trembled, I felt the confusion grow, my urges return. The idea of being alone and aimless scared me once again. This wasn't longer something I could cover with gamma moodswings. This was my drug-cocktail, slowly failing me. Keep together. They will know If you don't. I had been playing this role my whole life now. I was quite good at it. Or, had been.
"Kyris, calm down" I looked at him for a few seconds, something I tried to prevent most of the time. He had put his own glass away, his hands loosely laid onto his knees, a little bit sunken in. But so...confident and mindful that I couldn't help but relax my mind a bit.
"It's a lot. Take your time, let me take this for you" he put away my glass. Smiled softly "It's late. We can talk tomorrow as well, I could let Tania clean the guestroom." A few moments, silence. I couldn't speak to him. I couldn't speak at all "I got a client tomorrow, still have work to do" he sighed, nodding "Let me drive you home at least. The hyperloop isn't safe during these hours"
I nodded. I was still heavily drunk, my senses fooled me over and over again. I obeyed, thanking him while following him to a simple autonomous car, a sweet sky blue bowl, clean, small and comfortable "It's so lovely" I gushed, hearing him laugh. "Even my engineer is confused why I never bother to buy one of these hyperspeed luxury cars. Or one that isn't failing me so often at least. Nice to have somebody else appreciating it"
"Who needs such a thing if he can have this?" He smiled, opening a door for me. The faux-leather was shining from the many years people had polished it with their clothing. A sweet smell of citrus and coffee filled my nose as soon as I settled down, sunk into the overused seat. "If there's always drives in adorable cars and whiskey included, you'll have to fear for my return" he laughed amused "I don't think I would mind at all. Neither would Arnaxis. Maybe with a lighter topic?"
I hadn't thought that through. I was way to comfortable - and drunk. I wouldn't be very tempted to spend time with two alphas as soon as I was sober again. Arnaxis. Mr. Siesama, I guessed. His husband. The cherubic faced and mountain build controlman. Nonetheless, part of the category that threatened my freedom.
I quickly laid my arm onto the car's scanner, watching my data occur. Welcome Kyris! Damari told the system to drive me home as soon as the adress appeared. "Westside. Interesting choice at twenty-one" I was mostly pensioners, some nice parks, little shops and pretty coffee shops. My apartment was a small, beautiful alcove studio, kissed by sunlight every day, high above any noises. Sometimes, I could even see the radiation field glimmering, doing its work.
It was my favourite thing to do. Sitting there at dawn and dusk, a cup of tea, some random novels on my media glasses, some background music. It calmed me down. Watching the blue energy shield flicker, stars shine and the buildings - that were reaching out of the ground like blades of grass - slowly getting darker, thousand lights turning off, a million people with a million minds just...living their lives. It calmed me. Knowing I wasn't the only one. That I couldn't be the only one.
"Access to your thoughts?" I shook my head, smiling for a minute before reminding my duty, sitting up straight, lifting my shoulders a bit. He was a alpha. How could I forget something that usually kept my mind in red alert? I blinked a few times, trying to regain the lost pieces of my brain "Just some unimportant memories, I suppose."
"It appears to be something pleasing" I smiled, my fingertips caressing the soft seat cover, drawing small circles to polish the faux leather even more. "Something embrassingly simple, but, yes. The most pleasing thing I know" I was tired. Comfortable. Just not insane enough to sleep in next to an alpha. "You're the most interesting gamma I ever met, Mr. Amstrong"
He chuckled softly, watching me. No touching, no expression of dominance, just honest interest. "And you're the gentlest alpha I was ever told to work with" I looked back into his eyes, the little joyful sparkle, the frozen warmth in the vivid cold. Nothing made sense. But the fact that he was their owner made everything perfectly logical again. I enjoyed the silence. I was close to even enjoying his presence.
"It's the biggest compliment I could think of" he was so...honest. Didn't mind hiding, didn't feel like dominating. For an alpha, he was incredible laid back. Enjoyable. Just fine. Per...
"Destinaton reached" I twitched, running my hand through my hair nervously. I opened the door as soon as I could, ignoring that he was clearly about to do it for me. I needed to get out of here. Fast.
"Good night, Dr Siesama" I was hurrying towards the safety of the entrance as fast as I could, not turning around a single time. Up the elevator, through the hallways, slamming my thumb against doorknob to open the door an slide down on its other side, head in my hands.
What had I just done?
-
22.10.19-19:35
May be months later, but my dutch ass still can't think about coffee when coffee shops are mentioned. Feeling adult.
ns 15.158.61.48da2
